Maybe you stayed b/c it was all you knew. Sometimes it comes down to when we know better, we do better....

We know the grass is better on the otherside of the fence but until we take that first step we just don't know what we are missing.

I think it's our comfort zone. We're not really comfortable there, but it's what we know, so it's less threatening than the unknown. Sad that we limit ourselves to that small, confined place, huh?

sad that i limited my self to that small confined space for so many years. i look back now and cannot comprehend how i did it. going into depression last year was one of the worst times of my life, i wouldn't wish it on anyone - yet, i have to say it was one of the best times of my life as well. the medication made me wake up and smell the coffee!!

oh, and about happiness being obtainable? yes, but unfortunately we cannot be happy 24/7. life is about the ups and downs. the ups are worth every struggle we have during the downs.

I wish I knew the answer to that question. I want to believe that happiness is attainable, but every time I think I have found it, I get disappointed. Sometimes I think we settle because it is easier than taking a chance and getting hurt.

Nobody is happy all of the time. But if you feel you were unhappy or unsatisfied most of the time, you owe it to yourself to look into it. These seems to be questions to ask a counsellor to me. They have a knack at getting to the root cause of things...

I think it is attainable but you might just be looking in the wrong places.

Happiness comes from within. It comes from really knowing who you are and what you want out of life. It comes from surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, people who truly love you and have your best interests at heart (note: that doesn't always include our stbx's no matter how much we wish it did).

It comes from getting joy out of the little things on a daily basis. It comes from really accepting yourself for who you are and becoming more like yourself, not less (which is what a lot of our stbx's want us to do - be less of ourselves and more what they want.)

Another person can't make you happy. They can add or subtract from your happiness but that is all. Which means you need to avoid the subtracters and hang out with more adders. You need to find a sense of meaning in your life outside of yourself.

The great myth most of us buy into it is happiness comes from being with the right person, having the right things, obtaining the right status. It doesn't. You can be at the bottom of the barrel of life and still be happy if you have a solid core and love who you are.

As Kittie said, happiness isn't something you feel 24/7. But even in my darkest moments going through this divorce I will feel intense moments of happiness. It can be as simple as walking outside and feeling the sun shining on my face and I think, 'Damn, it's good to be alive."

A great book to read is 'Man's Search for
Meaning' by Victor Frankl. He spent 3 years in a Nazi concentration camp and documents how some people were able to find happiness and meaning in even such a horrific place like that. Those were the people who thrived.

Good luck to you. Asking the question is always a step in the right direction.

I agree with Gemini...happiness comes from within. We must surround ourself with people that are happy at heart, and have our best interests in mind. And we also must give back to them the same. When we are with someone that is unhappy inside, they suck the life right out of us. They are jealous, spiteful,hateful and it drains us. Everyone is unhappy at times, but you pick yourself up, learn from it, and be happy to have another chance. I am not a unhappy person at heart, but many situations make me unhappy. It is up to me to make the best of it and not let things drag me down.