Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I really need adivce, please help

frstperrygrl
frstperrygrl
All of you should know a little about my situation but just in case let me fill you in. I left my stbx in Nov. I left for reasons of finances and other things with us. I did not want a divorce just time on my own for awhile to see where things led. I have helped him raise his children for the last 7 yrs. He filed for divorce before I moved out of the house and is saying I was cruel to the children. He has his 3 children and I have my 2 with 3 grandchildren. Now he refuses to let me have any communicattion with the children. My daughter allows him to see the grandchildren and have a relationship with them. He owes her money for cell phone bills. I am very angry with alot of this because he can refuse me visits with his children but he still has a relationship with my children and my grandchildren. He bad mouths me all the time to his children and I am afraid of him doing this to my grandchildren. My daughter and I have gotten in several agurments about this and don't see eye to eye on it. I see her point but still don't agree. For the whole time we were together he never really paid attention to the kids. I use to say they could kill each other in front of him and he would not see it. Since I left the structure in the home is gone. The kids do what they want all the time. I'm not sure I want my grandchildren a part of this but what can I do? Any advice for this crazy situation?
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is a tough one. I would suggest you don't "bad mouth" him back. All that will do is make the problems escalate. AND you want to have a good relationship with your daughter. Don't involve your grandkids in it either. Just don't talk about him to them at all. Just be a loving grandmother and if/when he bad mouts you to them, they won't have a clue what he's talking about because they'll only know you as their nice and loving grandmother which I'm sure you are.
Do your daughters understand why he keeps you away from your stepkids? Is there any way in which you can contact them?
And as for the last thing: what his kids do NOW, is actually totally his business. I understand you still feel emotionally attached to them and don't want to see them go to the dogs, but apparently HE doesn't care.
Have you thought of taking it to court? And do you have any proof of the fact you took care of them financially? I know I'm asking more questions than giving you advice, but maybe it helps your thought process. Good luck.
frstperrygrl
frstperrygrl
No, I didn't do the financial upkeep but in some ways neither did he. We had financial problems. The house was forclosed on in Dec. So of course you can tell the finances was the big issue. I never knew if I would come home to no lights, no water, or no heat. Never knew how the bills would get paid. My daughters know all that has happened and what is going on. I have tried to contact stepchildren but he interfers all the time. What I meant by he isn't watching them now is just if he doesn't watch his own children how or why would he watch the grandchildren. CPS is our state will not do anything because he stays on this side of the laws. He doesn't cross the line-just enough to not show them what they need but enough not to get caught. So do I give up on his kids and move on with my life or just keep trying? Either will be hard.