Sometimes people grow apart. It is concerning that she felt the need to cheat and lie about going to see him. Did she ever give you an indication of what she felt was wrong with the marriage?

Lots of times when people leave a long term marriage they feel like a weight has been lifted because all the things they weren't able to resolve no longer matter. It's easy to let all those issues melt away as they move toward another shiny object.

When people first get involved in a new relationship there is a honeymoon period where everything seems shiny and new. It's hard for a long term marriage to compete with that kind of magic. Like everything in life, the newness will wear off and she will be faced with the prospect of turning her infatuation into a committed long term loving relationship. As you know those are hard to find. Since she didn't take any me time after leaving you, I must say her chances of this new relationship working out are diminished.

I think she got unhappy cause we argued cause I was unhappy and not getting what I wanted. Once she became a mother, she stopped being a wife. Her main focus was our daughter and basically didn't have time for me. Our daughter was her number one priority. I'm not saying I am a saint in all of this but she said she left cause I would threaten violence. I guess it was what I did but more in a joking kidding way like it was when I was a kid. " You want a kick in the butt? Five in the eye?" Never ever acted on it. Never would. I'm not saying what I did was right, but I figure if you marry someone you try and work out the problems. Suggest counseling, but she doesn't want to try anymore. I think she needs help. I think she is lost but she doesn't agree with me.

Women being so absorbed with their children that they forget they are wives is a very common problem in a lot of marriages. It's hard to get the mama lion to keep from fretting over her baby lion long enough to keep her mate satisfied.

The point where counseling probably could have helped was way back when this first started being a problem. Most people don't get counseling right away, thinking they can solve the problem on their own or that it will go away with time.

I'm not surprised that you started making the little joking comments about kicking her in the pants. These are the kinds of jocular comments guys often make to each other and then they tend to get used in times of stress. Although they may seem like a humorous attempt to drive your point home, women are now being trained to see this as grooming for abuse. I don't doubt you when you say that you'd never harm your wife. Unfortunately, the majority of men who engage in domestic violence start it after the relationship has solidified, after the honeymoon has worn off and THE VAST MAJORITY of abusers talk about it before hand. This was probably a big get out now red flag for her, especially with all the abuse against women being reported in the media right now.

Communication is the most difficult issue most couples face. I would advise you to lawyer up and at least make sure you get to see your child regularly. It is difficult when long term relationships fail. I'm sorry you got neglected and then she left without really trying to work things out. Such losses are difficult to accept, but we all live and learn. I would try to remain friends, for the sake of your child.

That is so hard and I am sorry it has happened to you. After all those years it is hard to see a relationship just dissolve. However this was a decision she made and at this point what you can do is to respect that decision, and also do what you can to maintain the relationship with your daughter. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Sometimes an outside opinion can shed some light on how you approach this hard new reality, and give you some coping strategies. Things will get better, believe it. I have prayed for your situation.

Thank you so very much for your kindness. Yes I am going to see a counsellor on Tuesday to help me deal with this. I told my wife today that I'm not mad, I'm just hurt. But I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. It felt good to tell her that. I don't want to argue with her anymore.