Oh Lonely,

Don't do it, just stop! Put your phone, computer out of sight for while. It doesn't matter if he is with someone...the important thing is he is NOT with you and that sounds like a good thing. I know it seems unfair...I felt the same way, but after a while you'll realize it was for the best as you deserve someone who truly loves and cares about you. Hang in there, it will get better!

I can only tell you that it is not he that is doing this to you--it is YOU.

Below is T.D. Jakes "When someone walks away from you, let them go."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQwB0EfveCA

Lonely,

Dig deeper, you are stronger than this!!!!

It may help you to think about it like this....

Whatever the reason he has for wanting out of the relationship, by doing what you are doing, you are proving him right in his mind. Here's an example.. If he thought you were too needy - you are proving him right by being needy and contacting him. If he thought you were negative, you are proving him right by being negative through your contact. If he thought you were nagging him all the time, you are proving him right... See, you MUST prove him wrong, you must show him the real you - the strong, beautiful, courageous person you are!!! To do that, you must stop ALL contact. From this moment on, you remind yourself you are strong. You can do this - show him what you're made of girl.

I have proved him right and now I feel like it is too late to do anything.

It's never too late. Just start over and do things different from this moment on. Let go of the past, it doesn't matter anymore.

You may have proved him right but only in HIS mind and only for a short time. Now is the time to prove him WRONG - which it's never too late to start. Right now, he may be thinking "Yep, I was right about her because she keeps doing x y z." But you have the power to change that just by doing ---------- nothing!! See how powerful you really are? You can influence people's minds by doing absolutely nothing. :) You are more awesome than you realize.

I agree....these smart people are so right. I could not stop messaging my stbx. I was so angry about so many things and I thought telling him each and everyone of them would in some way help....it didn't.

But, when I stopped all the messaging and gave him "crickets" instead, it only took a few days till he was the sender and me the receiver.

No contact is helpful, the 180 is also. You can do this, I did.

Hugs!

ATGB....beautiful. I'm keeping that for a long time.

what did you do when he messaged you?

Ok tomorrow will be day 1! Get ready for lots of posts lol. Thanks for all your support. ..I need to do this.

You are only human, and still in pain. It is natural to give in and send a message. So start again. No rules here. Just support and encouragement towards healing. Soldier on!....

Each day is a new opportunity to try again and make new habits and decisions. :) XXXXXX Give yourself a break, you fudged, but you need to stop texting him, bc you are punishing yourself. I was in frantic I have to know exactly whats going on mode 3 months ago. I couldn't sleep, I would jump out of bed, call him and rant, then hang up and cry. I acted like a mad woman. LOL. I made myself vent on here or in my journal or released through music and dancing, or baking or excersizing. Good combo right? bake and excersize. :) Theres no perfect remedy, its what works for you. Find your niche girl, we will help and support you

Everyone is so right here! It's so hard to break contact, but it's necessary. The problem is in this day and age texting is so easy. You are so right, by replacing the texting with posting here you will break the habit. I know it's helped me! We all look forward to hearing more from you, lonely!

@ lonely.....he'd would message me back and it inevitably ending with him being mad at me because he didn't like what I had to say. Or because of something I did, or he'd text me later....which he never did.

I was advised early on my the members here....DO NOT contact him any more. Period, end of story. When he started messaging me I'd answer back with a short reply, or no reply if one wasn't needed.

It eventually drove him crazy and he was messaging me wanting to know why I was being so cold. You know though....at that point I didn't really care anymore about the answers I thought I so desperately needed. I found out I was glad that the separation happened. I found out that the only thing that was really holding me to him was fear. I spent 20 years with a man who cheated time after time. I should have left when all his promises where broken when he took another chick to bed. He didn't deserve me. And I deserved a whole hell of a lot more than I was getting from him.

One day you will be in a place where you are so happy you left him behind.

Sorry for all those typo's. I wish, wish, wish we had an 'edit' button to go along with the 'like' button.

Going no contact is one of the hardest things, I struggled with it for 2 months. I would send text after text to remind him what a horrible, pathetic excuse for a man he was. But once you get past the first few consecutive days of no contact it does get easier.

Hang in there...you are strong and you can do this...and if you feel the need to contact him come here and chat with us instead :)