You are right in that you are hurting yourself and your children. It's hard letting go of the ideal of a great family life, great marrige. Obviously you didn't have that, so you need acceptance of the situation as it is now. Your husband is a user, using his gf AND you. Do you deserve such treatment? If you can say "no", then you have some hard work ahead of you to get you on the path to recovery. But it will be worthwhile work, when you can finally disengage from stbx, and break those unhealthy ties to him.

Him just seeing the kids 1 hour a month? Scumbag. Understand, though, that that is HIS crappy choice. You can't make him want to do anything, and you can't make him actually do anything. He's a big boy, he's made his choices, and it's up to you to pick yourself up and start staggering forward. Eventually you'll be able to walk proud. You just need to invest in yourself now.

Have you gone to a therapist or any support
Groups? Women shelters have support groups
And other services available to help you transition.
Too. HUGS

I do deserve better! I want to disengage, but I struggle with it and it makes me sick.

I have a therapist. I am beginning to think I am uncoachable. She didn't say that, I did. I am unable to follow through with the simple goals I set for myself.

And last night I fought with my teenagers. I am overwhelmed with all the responsibility. I feel like I am drowning.

I found a support group that I am going to try to go to. It meets for 13 weeks on Thursdays starting first week of March.

It sounds like divorce care they are for 13 weeks.

I went to divorce care so many times and it
Helped me alot. Its the grieving and being
With others going thru the same things.

The teachings can be a little religious but
The overall program is great. Take what you
Like and leave the rest is what we say in alanon.

Take care of yourself and your children, stay
Detached from him and go as close to no contact
As possible. its a process that takes time. HUGS

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I do not how you are feeling . I have been married to my stbx for 24 years we have a 17 year old and a 20 year old. My stbx had several affairs that he claims were just for attention which I believe because he is not comfortable in his own skin except for his last affair, last that I know of anyways but he said he stayed at her house a few times but in the guest room.. yeah right. I suggest therapy and staying in it and as soon as possible shut off contact with your husband even if you have to change the locks to the house. Don't call him , don't answer the door if he text you then reply in a simple short text. Stop sharing your bed with him because that is not going to make him come back to you for the right reasons . You have to stop feeding him what he wants he is using you and you cant be ok with that because you are worth a lot more than that. As far as him only seeing the kids for an hour, well that is his loss and your gain after all I doubt you would want him to take the kids to his gf house. Contact your local court house and find out when they have free legal help and get an attorney so you are ready and you have your ducks in a row. If your not working try to find a job even if it is part time and start to assist others at shelters or elderly homes ( everyone is looking for volunteers ) If your friend came to you and said she is going through what you are and asked your advise what would you tell her to do ? I doubt you would tell her to share her bed and hold on to hope. Being a mother taking care of children is a tough job and you have to show your stronger and you will get through this so your kids remember you kept it together while protecting their best interest. Mustard up what ever you have to so you can get through your day and get out of the house even if just for a couple of hours. A friend of mine is 54 years old much older than me but she is going through a divorce and is hurt and thought she is too old to date, too old to be happy, too old to start over , well you know what she is starting to find more happiness than she ever had and it took that first step which is the first step you have to take as well. Don't settle for less don't let him think you need him because what he did to you he is doing to another woman that is also a mother and when she is done with him he will either want to come to you and turn your world upside down again until he finds someone else or he will move on to another woman and do it again. Trust me when I say you have to stop the contact and sharing your bed with this man, he is not your husband and has not been your husband since he left you and the kids to go to another woman for a pre made family. You are a lot stronger than you think you are you just have to notice it. Best of luck and wishes to you and many many hugs.