Actually, almost a week and a half. I did drink a whole twelve pack over the course of that week and a half and I' m not much of a drinker. A few nights I had to take half a sleeping pill.

I went to the springs yesterday for the holiday with a friend and Sunday I took my children horseback riding.

I wish we could go no contact but we have a child together. So I'll start to feel better and then he hurts me. He kept the baby Saturday while I worked overtime. The whole day was texts and pictures and videos. Sunday he brought his teen daughter over for a whopping 15 minutes to see her sister. He told her on his custody days she can watch the baby at his ex wife's house. the Ex wife who I loathe and who has tried to make my life a living hell. I met him a good year after their divorce and she has long since been remarried to his ex best friend but she resents my baby - I guess she sees him as a back up plan if it doesn't work out with her and her hubby as they fight a lot. So I don't want my baby at that viper's home. she has a vicious pittbull that kills cats and I hear her hubby sells drugs on the side. So I told him no can do via text message last night. He inititated it. I said in Florida, since we were not married, I have sole legal and physical custody and what I say goes . I got a lot of "I'm so depressed." and "I'm confused."

When he came over to see the baby, he left. I locked the door. He then rang the bell and said he left his keys. He touched my face as he was leaving. He keeps telling me how beautiful I am. All that is not conducive to me healing. All that hurts me. I get he wants to his child and I go to work or to the pool to allow him time alone to spend wit her but at exchanges that is what he does the gently touching my face and the declarations of love. It drives me nutso.