You can’t be responsible for anyone except yourself as far as children or anyone else. That responsibility for control ultimately boils down to our own actions and first off how we feel about ourselves. Also on age and children you’re still in that category of being a breeder so I wouldn’t write the idea of any progeny off completely. The universe throws stuff at us all the time but again that boils down once again as self resonsibility and our perception of who we are by our own actions. Being happy with yourself doesn’t guarantee anyone else will be right for you either but it does put you in control of your actions. It’s very ok to like yourself and that may well communicate to others that feel well about themselves too. Just believe is as good as I can explain it, simple to say infinitely difficult at times. Blessings

one thing for certain is if you had children, separation would have been much more difficult (time/energy/financially consuming) and considering you are feeling old/depressed with lot of other issues going on in your life, having no kids are truly a silver lining in this case. As for your own happiness, they are not in someone else's but within yourself. you have your own personality, beliefs, perspective and preference that is uniquely yours and hence your own unique happiness is not really about someone else but yourself. people naturally change over time from new ideas and experiences and how one will react and change from unforseen future events/experience is never guaranteed. depending it on someone else is same as leaving your happiness to luck or someone else's mercy.
Take one step at a time and focus on living for now (accommodation, food, money etc..) and once these basics are satisfied and you find your ground, you will start focusing on friends, hobbies, interest etc..

I know exactly how you feel because I'm dealing with the same thing. I'll be 38 at the end of the month and he said he doesn't want us anymore. He said he needs to work on himself first. He has become severely depressed, applied for a job in a different state without telling me because his therapist said he needed to do something for himself, but is still living with me. He says he's looking to move out

First of all, you get exactly out of therapy what you put into it. Were you open, honest, and willing to things your therapist suggested or did you just roll up in there expecting her to have a magic wand?

You are clearly not coping with this separation. You need a counselor. Simply saying "I tried counselling for a few weeks but didn't find it helpful" is not remotely acceptable. If you gave it honest to goodness good-faith effort and it truly didn't help, you find another counselor and another until it does work. Sometimes it hard to find one you really connect with but once you, things really begin to come together. If your depression gets bad you go see a doctor and ask for pharmacological help just long enough to get you through this rough patch. That's why anti-depressants were created.

You do no just give up on yourself. Every single person matters and that includes you! Pick yourself up off the floor and do whatever it takes to blast yourself back into the real world. I don't know how you ended up all alone with no support system, but the world is literally full of people you can connect with and who will really give a damn what happens to you. It's your job to give us a chance!

You'll connect with us on this board, at the gym, at the market, at the bookstore, in a gourmet cooking class, at church, at your neighborhood basketball court and a thousand other venues that might interest you. You will not find any of us if you are hiding out at home, sleeping your sadness away. The only way through this is to move the pain aside and step boldly forward. You can do this! I believe in you.

Thanks everyone for their kind words and words of wisdom and self belief. I'm truly a good person and really just not coping. Maybe as that lady said another counsellor will help and I need to keep pushing to find a network. It's just so hard to do so - making friends at this age is difficult especially when I feel like no one likes me!!! I try and keep strong and believe in good and true things and one day I'll be rewarded but I need to push for these myself - I know that I'm just finding it very difficult.

Hnr97. It's so very similar circumstances we have an his counsellor advises him the same. How are you coping? Thoughts with u too ❤️

I'm finding it very difficult as well. He is still living with me, but he says he's moving out. I did give therapy a try for myself. That was a huge mistake. I left there more upset than when j went in. The things she said to me were ridiculous, especially since she didn't know him and it was my first session with her. I have my good days and my bad days. He's saying he wants to focus on himself and the see if he wants "us". I just don't know how long I can wait. He has left all of the debt on me. He will be 41 this month and I wonder if it's a mid life crisis. The said part is I can pinpoint exactly when this happened. My biggest fear is he isn't focusing on what needs to come out in therapy. We live on the east coast of the United States and he's originally from the Midwest. I know deep down that I have tried my best. I did the essential oils, the reiki massages, and pretty much every holistic thing I could. I think I'm being used as the scapegoat in this. I still love him with everything I have. I have told him I don't want him to leave giving the situation he's in mentally snd financially. He became addicted to an online game and spent over 20000.00 in a matter of months.

hnr97, I'm not surprised that seeing a therapist didn't work out too well for you. Therapist are there to help you gain an objective view of your situation and clearly you are not ready to take that step.

You have a husband who has spent twenty thousand dollars you didn't have in a few months on an online GAME. He's now leaving you deeply in debt. And your biggest fear is that "he isn't focusing on what needs to come out in therapy". Are you freaking kidding me???!!!???

He's walking out on you to go find himself at 41. Does that really make sense to you, cause it sure doesn't to me.

You are possibly in the deepest state of denial I've seen recently. You are stubborn, headstrong and totally focused on re-framing the whole situation in your mind as 'a midlife crisis', or 'he just needs to work harder in therapy' or 'maybe he will find himself and come flying back to me'.

It would be heck of a lot easier for you to just get a clue, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I suspect you are just going to keep right on loving him with everything you have until he won't even talk to you anymore.

I turned 38 three months after my divorce was final. Although I didn't necessarily want the divorce (my ex filed based on my untreated alcoholism and undiagnosed bipolar disorder), I remember thinking "At least I'm not starting over at 48 years old, 58 years old." I felt myself young enough to start over and have a good life.

So, start over I did. I moved back into my parent's home, back into the bedroom I shared with my sister in my youth. I sought treatment for both my alcoholism and mental illness, got sober, went back to college to pick up some accounting courses, got a job, moved into a small 425 sq ft efficiency apartment. I saw a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy once a week for about 10 months.

I also met a man who become my best friend. Shortly before my 40th birthday, I married him. That was 15 years ago.

Your life doesn't end just because a marriage ends. I know it seems hopeless, but take a minute to think where you would like to be 10 years down the road. Do you want to still be crippled by your emotions, or do you want to be enjoying life, possibly with a new love, complete with friends, passions and meaning?

You can have the life you want; You just have to keep moving forward, taking one step at a time, doing the next right thing.

Thanks Cora_Belle. What a heart warming and wonderfully positive outcome. This definitely gives me hope. I'm so please for you and hope and pray for your continued happiness! Thank you ❤️

Thanks to everyone who leaves positive and uplifting remarks to each other. It's so easy to make nasty comments about other people. Everyone needs to remember that each situation is different and unique.

Couldn't agree more hnr97. Everyone's situation is different and so personal to them it's not for other to judge or cast aspersions. I really feel for your situation and it's so hard when you love someone unconditionally and your heart breaks continually. You also just need to keep positive and try and get some help. Also don't let people get you down and keep strong. You shouldn't have to take ownership for financial issues your partner has alongside all of the other stuff he's going through. At least u can control the finance part! First step to moving forward is get that sorted for yourself ❤️

I'm in a similar boat. He left, his idea. I'm falling apart.

Counselors only work if you click. Sometimes you need to shop around for the right one.

Praying for you.

I remember 38 (that was my age when my 2nd child was born) - what I would give to be 38 again! But, in my eyes, 55 is just a fine age to restart, and that's what I'm doing.

I second the idea of shopping around for a counselor. We went to a few marriage counseling sessions, he wasn't serious about it and I ended up at a few of them by myself, but I learned a lot about the whys of the failure of the marriage. Those sessions were what helped me realize that the marriage was over, and that it was OK to let it go. She didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know deep down, but she brought it all up into the light. it was hard work but in a way uplifting. Give counseling another chance.

@Jojored,

I'm 55 now, and if I had to "restart" tomorrow, I know I would look forward to the opportunity to get a "do-over" because now I have almost 20 additional years of experience and knowledge of me at my disposal to create the life I want now!

I You are right, 55 is a great age to restart. Any age is the right age for a restart as long as you look positively toward the future and everything it promises. Good luck to your wonderful future!