Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I'm so afraid

kasharoo
kasharoo

I'm terrified. We have a counceling session tonight. It's the first since he told me he wants a divorce, after which I asked him for a separation instead. I also asked him for 6 more months to work out our issues since the first time he was able to say how he felt was when he asked for a divorce. I feel that we deserve a chance to work on it now that I understand how he's been feeling guilty for so long, and how thats been affecting him. We've been together for 16 years, married almost 15. I know tonight is going to be ridiculously painful. Our therapist has no idea what has been going on since its been 3 weeks since our last session. I know intellectually that once someone says they want a divorce they have made their decision, and I'm sure thats what she's going to say. But I haven't accepted it.


He's been distant last night and today. I'm at work and he usually wishes me good morning and checks on me during lunch - but not today. I feel like he's made his decisions and they are not in my favor. He's checked out. I'm so scared and worried.


God I wish I didn't love this man so damn much. If I could just bring it down a notch, maybe this would be bearable. I'm trying not to have a nervous breakdown at work right now. Super slow today, not much to do so there's no distractions. So grateful for dailystrength because if I didn't have someone to talk to it would be very very bad. 

Koko
Koko
Well atleast your husband is willing to go to counseling. Mine has said he'd think about it but pretty much said that it would be a waste of time. Seriously an hour of your time for 10 years of marriage? Anyway good luck tonight - if anything you can get some clarity.
kasharoo
kasharoo
Thank you Koko. I wish your husband was willing to go and I'm sorry he's not. I understand your frustration, because if there's no counseling then how can possibly tell himself that he tried everything he could. Maybe you could go to counseling yourself hon, I know that when T decides he's done I will keep going by myself.
kjim2646
kjim2646
we were going to go to counseling and then we got in a dumb argument about what we were going to counseling for a week before the session, and he decided to dump me in therapy because he was still so angry.. being dumped in therapy is the worst.. especially when its out of anger.. if i could go back now i would have waited a month or two for the feelings to resolve so wr could have had a productive therapy session
kasharoo
kasharoo
I'm pretty terrified that is what is going to happen to me tonight. He was insistent we watch one of our shows last night instead of recording it tomorrow and watching it after therapy even though he wanted to watch the hockey game last night and we couldn't do both. I feel like he knows that watching our shows together is not going to be an option anymore beginning tonight.
Sy2623
Sy2623
I wish you the best and I wish you great strength. This can't be easy, but you are not alone and this will get better. H.O.P.E. (Hold on pain ends).
kasharoo
kasharoo
Thank you SO MUCH
G-Girl
G-Girl
When it's not what you want, acceptance of the situation is the hardest to come by. Sending you positive thoughts for your couples counseling session.
G-Girl
G-Girl
When it's not what you want, acceptance of the situation is the hardest to come by. Sending you positive thoughts for your couples counseling session.
kasharoo
kasharoo
Thank you G. It starts in about an hour. Getting ready to go now. I appreciate everyone's well wishes. It really does help to know I'm not alone.
Koko
Koko
How did it go?
kasharoo
kasharoo
About as expected. We are discontinuing marriage therapy and I'll be doing individual with the therapist instead. It's over. He left with 10 minutes to go in the session so that she could do some one on one with me because I'm not handling this very well. I feel very weak and afraid. Therapist wants me to call my doctor today and ask for some anxiety medicine to take the edge off. I feel like needing medicine is just another failure but I really do need it unfortunately. At work right now trying not to cry and wondering how to make it through the day.
JJaye
JJaye
Sorry to hear all this, you are not alone, I'm in the same boat but my husband wont go to therapy. I start Monday for me. I'm accepting but still think that we can work this out. He acts like it he going thru a mid life crisis and everyone says to hold on but I'm losing my grip. We still sleep in the same bed and I don't want this for the holidays. My thoughts are with you.
Koko
Koko
You are not a failure! You are completely entitled to all your emotions and if medication helps then there's nothing wrong with that. And if you cry at work who cares? My boss divorced his wife few years ago and he lashed out at work. It is difficult. Take walks and breaks when you can!!