You got this! You have more strength than you know. I had a very similar situation and we are still in the middle of it but I can tell you that you will find strength you did not know you had and you will feel better when the chaos and abuse is gone. Hang in there!

I must admit to being really confused. You are married to a selfish man who doesn't work, moved you and your child in with his parents, and laughs in your face why you tearfully try to talk to him about your relationships...and you don't if you are strong enough to leave him?

I say get paid one payday, pick your daughter up, stay at a shelter, and piece together another payday or two and get yourself a little apartment somewhere. That will probably be less traumatic than staying there for a few months for your child. Starting over with nothing his a small price to pay for getting out of this situation. Do it for yourself. Do it for your daughter. Compared to what you are doing now, leaving is easy.

I get that but I love him. I think taking my daughter to a shelter would be more traumatic than staying here for 3 months. I've stayed here for 8yrs. Yea it's not a good situation and I need to leave that doesn't mean I don't love my husband and this isn't hard. I don't want to have to leave I want him to get help. I make 2g a month I need at least that to get an apartment. It's real easy to say just leave...a shelter though no I'd rather wait. Leaving is not easy for me

WoelsMe88, Have you thought of seeing a counselor? That might help you decide what you want to do and the best way to move forward.

I was actually giving you advice based on how I handled a similar situation. Sorry that's not what you needed.

Sounds like you have already started planning your departure, that's smart. I would not go the shelter route, unless there was imminent danger. I would keep your plans to yourself - don't let him know, don't tell him anything in the heat of an argument. It sounds as if he's emotionally immature and irresponsible - so he'll probably have a strong reaction to you leaving, even if he ignores or laughs at you when you express emotion or want to talk about the relationship. It's all about him, I'm guessing. He mooches off of his parents and his wife - he will be ill equipped to go it alone. Don't fall for any of his "poor me" tactics, if that's what he does to get sympathy.

I have an ex who was similar in some respects - was so emotionally stunted and could not handle any sort of conflict or real discussion. I probably cried 3 times in front of him in our more than 30 years together (aside from deaths) and he never had a response. Just looked at me wide-eyed like it was something disgusting he had never seen in his life and he was doing his best to tolerate it. He was an empty shell, there was nothing inside of him but him. I am now on the other side of the proverbial fence, and the grass really is so much "greener" over here. I was petrified to end things and was really overly concerned with getting him to see that ending things was for the best, and finding ways to make it easier for him. That was counter-productive to my own survival, and eventually I "got it" that I had to look out for myself, and leave him to fend for himself. You do to. Stay strong!

So sorry for the tough situation. It can sometimes help a troubled relationship to have a time of separation, allowing each to work on themselves towards bettering the marriage. If I may suggest, proceed with caution. Do what you feel & think is best for you and your daughter. It may require setting limits with him like certain times to visit with the daughter, Prayers for strength.

Your problem is you're justifying the status quo. You're saying you'll save to leave. My goodness how long I said that. But somehow the money wouldn't save. And when I did save anything, my mood changed. Or a crisis happened. And I spent the money on someone's teeth, or something.

You have to leave because you're a codependent who will take anything so long as they feel bonded. You don't love this guy: what this feeling is is not love, it is anxiety. Insecurity. Despair, hope. You don't want this all to be for nothing. You don't want to believe you've wasted 8 yrs. You want to believe this will change and improve. You're in denial

Love is more about respect and joy, and pride. OMG I can't believe this guy fancies me. OMG I can't believe I am with this fantastic person. OMG I feel so whole when I am in his arms. You feel any of that? Any at all? No. No respect, no trust, no belief.

And meanwhile he keeps you on a string by never allowing that conversation to take place. That conversation that would truly clarify the situation, and make you see. That conversation after which he would have to change his behaviour or leave you.

My ex husband refused the conversation for decades. He still refuses any conversation. My son does it now. At some point you need to understand that he is choosing to not have the conversation, and that this is the choice he is making.

His choice not to engage is the choice he is making. And he'll string you along in no-man's land till you die.

Time to go.