I met this amazing man about 3 years ago when I started working at a gas station that he was a regular customer of in Southern California. A train engineer that works the rail from Southern California to Arizona and back again.The first time I saw him, I just thought he was magnificant! By my own standards, I assure you, none of my friends or family ever thought he was attractive at all. But that's neither here nor there. At the time of our meeting he was very unhappily married, however, I was unaware of this. I just knew he was maried and had 4 kids. As we chatted while he made his purchases we developed a friendship, as I did with many of my regular customers, but I also developed a huge crush on him. Then I moved to Idaho, but we remained friends. I started to find out a little about his wife as he would vent sometimes. He married here because she became pregnant when they were dating 16 years ago, but they are so completely different and never saw eye to eye. He left her once before but they have a disabled child, so went back a few days later. I never gave him any advice since I knew I liked him. Then one day he decided to leave her, for good this time. A few months later he started emailing me one of his favorite songs every day. Though I didn't know it at the time, this was the beginning of his courtship. He knew I appreciated music in the same exact way he did and every song he sent had deep meaning. He started talking about being ready to date other women. And he would tell me about the kind of woman he wanted. And he called this dream woman of his "My Angel". So then a few months later he asked if he could come visit me for a few days while he was on vacation. I said yes. So he came for a few days. We took my kids to the the zoo and museum and the park and he watched my kids for me while I was at work. We had so much fun. And every night we would stay up until the sun came up just talking. Then he went back home and back to work. After this he called me Mon Ange whenever he would text or email. I eventually asked what it meant and he told me it means My Angel. So after that our conversations became more intimate and we began a long distance relationship. A few months later he took a few days off work to visit me again. The second night he proposed and of course I said yes. He was the most perfect guy for me that I have ever known. And he said the same about me. I wanted to wait until I got my taxes to move to Arizona with him, but he didn't want to wait and he assured me we would be fine. So I left my job and home to move in with him in Arizona. About a month later he left. He simply said he's tired. (What he meant by that is his job is a 24/7 on call job, always working, all the time, no days off unless requested and a really screwed up schedual that will sometimes have him driving a train all night and sleeping during the day or visa versa, only getting 12 hours in between trips). Knowing him, he felt like he was neglecting us and incapable of making us happy. I was devistated. I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost 10 lbs. I was a wreck. And the kids were devistated as well. They had come to think of him as their dad.
He continued to pay the bills as I had yet to find a job, and he would stop by every few days to visit, he misses me and he still loves me and he still thinks I'm his most perfect woman. But he refuses to come back. So I had to move out and get a roommate.
We still talk all the time and he still sends me a song everyday and he still says he loves me and we see each other when we can. But we are still not together. Time has faded the sorrow and anger, all I'm left with is pure love and longing. We still have so much fun just being in each other's presence and we are still so very much in love. I know, it's all very complicated. I know him, so I understand why he left. And I hold no annimosity.

Now I'm really wanting to ask him if we can lable our relationship as actually being in a relationship again. Because essentially we are, it's just not labeled as such. Not to get re enganged or move in together, just to be able to call him boyfriend once again. That's all I want. I hate telling people I'm single, because I don't feel single. But I haven't because I'm afraid he'll say no.

So that's my story....
Sorry it's so long, just felt knowing the background was essential to understanding the situation