Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I got divorced 4 years ago. It was terrible - he was abusive and I had to hide leaving and protect my kids until the courts worked out visitation. I was short on trust and I waited a year before I even talked to a guy.
Then a man came into my life and spent 6 months courting me. And we began to date. And for two and a half years things have been perfect.
Until a few months ago when he began to drift away and suddenly decided he couldn't be a dad to my kids and maybe needed time and maybe needed new people...and now, today, we are broken up and not even talking.
And I'm not functioning. At all. I can't afford counseling, I'm back to smoking, I think about suicide every day. I wouldn't do it because of my children, but I can't believe how destroyed I am. I truly thought this would work. I've lost my lover and my best friend - and worst of all, I've lost my faith in myself. I can barely work or go to school, barely make meals or clean, I cry every day. I've cut off several of my other relationships and people don't want to be with me because I am so severely depressed and all I can do is hate myself.
When does it begin to get better? My divorce break-up was bad...but it was SO bad that I didn't love him anymore. I do love this man. With all my heart. I was planning a life with him. I am utterly rudderless. I feel so stupid and so small. I have no coping techniques for this at all. I didn't even imagine I could be so sad and I can't imagine it ever getting better. Thank you in advance if you respond - I know none of you know me and I feel weak for even coming here, but I'm at a total loss.
Then a man came into my life and spent 6 months courting me. And we began to date. And for two and a half years things have been perfect.
Until a few months ago when he began to drift away and suddenly decided he couldn't be a dad to my kids and maybe needed time and maybe needed new people...and now, today, we are broken up and not even talking.
And I'm not functioning. At all. I can't afford counseling, I'm back to smoking, I think about suicide every day. I wouldn't do it because of my children, but I can't believe how destroyed I am. I truly thought this would work. I've lost my lover and my best friend - and worst of all, I've lost my faith in myself. I can barely work or go to school, barely make meals or clean, I cry every day. I've cut off several of my other relationships and people don't want to be with me because I am so severely depressed and all I can do is hate myself.
When does it begin to get better? My divorce break-up was bad...but it was SO bad that I didn't love him anymore. I do love this man. With all my heart. I was planning a life with him. I am utterly rudderless. I feel so stupid and so small. I have no coping techniques for this at all. I didn't even imagine I could be so sad and I can't imagine it ever getting better. Thank you in advance if you respond - I know none of you know me and I feel weak for even coming here, but I'm at a total loss.
Although I am struggling I am starting to see glimpses of light. 3 or 4 weeks ago... I was right were you are at (minus the smoking :) but for sure the dark thoughts were in my mind daily as well.
As for coping.. it is good you are reaching out. That helps a great deal. Reading... posting.. supporting others.. that is what brings me the biggest sense of relief.
I wish you were able to see a counselor.. who maybe could give you a medication.
I don't know what happened in your situation.. or why he made these choices.. you give little info and seem like it went from "perfect" to gone.. with all due respect.. there are probably some things in there you aren't yet able to look at and realize. There may be something to that piece.. i don't know.
Although it feels like you have to hope, there is. cry.. pray... rest.. heal... support.. be supported... somewhere in that process you will start to gain some strength. and with that you will find new solutions.
i am right there with you. trust me.... just a step or two ahead. i am starting to see hope and different outcomes that have potential to be great.
hang in there. i am so sorry for your pain. hugs
He was my best friend. I don't know how I will ever trust myself or my judgement again.
I'm sorry you're going through it too - it's so awful. I've never had a break-up like this. I didn't know it could be that painful.
You had such a bad experience with your first husband that it was probably a relief to be done with him, but this is so much different.
There are always crisis lines that you can contact when you are feeling depressed or suicidal. Find one in your area and call, even just to talk. Maybe they can offer you other free resources. If not, READ. Spend as much time as you can getting your hands on materials related to depression, separation, etc. Maybe you will get a piece of advice that will help you find some comfort. Good luck
I keep breaking no contact..but breaking it only hurts me further. It is so difficult to stay away..and to see a life for yourself after the break up but you will get there.
I feel better most days but I have days where I will see certain things or go places that trigger memories and I can't believe we aren't together still. I can't see myself with anyone else.
It takes time. Journaling is one of the most helpful things..and posting here. Reading that others are going through the same thing helps. Be gentle with yourself..try and treat yourself well. Use this site as your therapy for now until you can get professional help. Pray or meditate and cry when you need to. It is a rollercoaster but we get through somehow.
Try and be strong for your babies. I wish you all the best! ((hugs))
It takes TIME. It might take years for you to feel better, but you will. I understand it hurts, we all do. Cry all you need (but try to keep it hidden from your kids - you don't want to distress them). Every time you think of your ex, try to imagine a giant STOP sign. Don't go there. Create immediate, short term goals for yourself (I will make my kid's halloween costume, I will organize the kitchen cupboards, I will take the kids away for the weekend, etc.) Each day, do something toward that goal. Create bigger goals - what do you want for yourself and your children? (Don't include anything with a man in there). Journal if it helps.
No man is worth this misery. Treat yourself gently, like you would your own children. Maintain a sleep schedule. Feed yourself regularly.
I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a book that has been very helpful. (Recommended somewhere online by surfing). Anyway, it's called How to Survive the Loss of Love, Melba Colgrove is the author. It is only 8 dollars, worth every penny.
If you cannot afford it, email me your address and I will mail it to you.
You will Survive, no doubt about it! Also, I found it awesome that you already know that. Your username is Iamawarrior. (HUGS!) P.