Christi, make this the last morning you wake up together. You are making it harder for yourself. BE STRONG. YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU DESERVE BETTER!!

Christi hang in there many of us were in
Your shoes. He should be in another bed
Or the couch. Why is he still there anyways?

It sounds like you are in deep in your denial
And living in la la land.

Generally when the gloves come off war irrupts,
He is not your friend but your foe. Watch your
Back and your heart, he will try to steal them.
HUGS

My denial is deep. I don't want to except this as my life, much as I know I have to. For some reason I have just not been able to let him go and much as I know he shouldn't be in the bed next to me, I am holding on to the last few weeks that he is. I don't know why I am that way. Either way it hurts like crazy. Nights when he stays up late in the living room, I can't fall asleep until he is in the bed next to me and I know when he finally is gone I will struggle. I just hope that I find the strength to get through. I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow and I hope that it helps. I know that I am severely dependent on having him around and I hate that I let myself get to this point. I trusted him. I believed he wanted the family life. I had 2 children before him and was ok with that. He wanted a child of his own. I told him I couldn't bring another child into this world unless he was sure he wanted to be a family, I couldn't Raise another child iwothout a dad. He said he knew what it was like not having his dad in the home and he would never do that. We had lost 2 babies trying. Had to go to a fertility specialist and I had to be on medications and have weekly appointments and bloodwork constantly to have our son and now he just wants to leave.

After my husband told me he wanted a divorce, my SIL gave me the BEST advice ever regarding coping with the divorce. Once the writing is on the wall in permanent marker, you MUST emotionally detach. That means stop all wishful thinking about the coulda-shoulda-would haves. You are no longer lovers, spouses, even co-parents. You are strangers. Sure, it's difficult as hell - it's a complete amputation. But it hurts a lot less in the long run than cutting your heart out with a pair of cuticle clippers.

I know you are saying "what about all the memories of our life together?" Well, for right now, forget them. Don't reminisce about the "good old days". That only leads to more pain. But don't worry, once you have healed from this hurt, the memories with came back, but they won't cause pain; they will be memories of your past, that is all.

Sure, it's gonna be hard to fall asleep without him by your side. So what, just do it. Close the door, turn the lights off, close your eyes. Count sheep, recite the Gettysburg Address over and over in your mind until you fall asleep.

Don't call him your little pet names. He isn't "honey" or "sweetheart" or "baby" anymore; his name is John (or whatever it is). Treat him as if he were an anonymous housemate.

Good luck.

I hope your appointment works out well
If not try another therapist. You have had
A lot of losses to deal with. Most of us dont
Want to lose our partner sometimes its The
best thing even though we dont like It or
want it.

Its the sanest and healthiest To disengage and
not play into his emotional manipulations. We
get just as sick dealing with this type of BS.

Whats his history or how did he really act ?

Is he an emotional manipulator, earlier addictions,
Emotionally unavailable, emotionally immature.
Dysfunctional family of origin.

Christi you are far from alone when you still
Love your partner, he is just not playing fair and
Is leaving you after buying a house and having
A baby.

Its the emotional stuff thats the hardest To bear.
Rejection and betrayal are hard to work thru never
Mind all the rest. My heart goes out to you many of
Us Get it and we struggle too. HUGS

Kristi I am in the same situation at this point so I can only speak on what I know is best but I don't practice but you have to distance yourself I know that dependency I'm going through it now but the reality is is that we can't change anyone and you can't make him want to be with you if he doesn't maybe in the future he will see what he had with you and your family and I know the pain when you have a young child my son is 3 but you just have to be strong for him and you. Try sleeping alone while he still there have him to sleep on the couch it will be good practice for you and mentally comforting because he is there but not in the bed this may help a little

I know what your going through my husband left me two months ago and our baby was only 8 month she would roll in between us to wake us up. Now she rolls to his side and looks under the blanket for him so heartbreaking. I hope what they say is true that with time it will get better.

i want to find the strength. I keep finding every excuse I can to sneak away to hide the tears today. A moment to switch out the laundry, go grab a coffee from the coffee shop, take another shower, water the garden, go fill up the gas tank, organize my closet. Those have all been an excuss to hide my tears from him and my kids today. I feel like I have been punched between the shoulder blades from holding back my emotion in front of them. I know he needs to go and he is. The times when he is not there the tears still are and it's even harder to hold them back then. How do you cope with this?

I'm not sure but I think once he is gone his physical self not being there may help you I think him being there and you constantly seeing him and knowing what's about to happen that you guys going to separate causes you to cry and be sad more you'll still be said once he is finally gone but it won't be as confusing and you won't have to see him is he leaving soon

He is suppose to move out by the end of the month. He won't say where he is goin, just that he is going. He started taking stuff yesterday somewhere. Not much, but his military gear. I don't even know what he plans on taking. The couches were his, the dressers were his, the matress of the bed is him, box springs and frame are mine, half the dishes , half the towels, half the home decor are his. He bought the crib, so I don't even know if he is taking that or not. I tried to ask, but he is not communicating it with me.

They won't and dont tell you anything when
they have a lot to hide, like an affair partner.

After the divorce i found out my ex had a PO Box,
His own credit card, his own checking account.

We had comingled all funds until the divorce he
just Had stuff he did not want me to see like dinners
Out and getaways so he could hide the sneaky things.

He once Texted me and it said iPhone, i said did you
get a New phone? He never had a smart phone before.
I called it his super sized sexting texter. Cheaters are full
of surprises. HUGS

Someone on DS once told me, when my separation and divorce process first started, that you have to stop romanticizing and get mad. Now, they didn't mean (and I don't mean) yelling at him or being hateful or anything like that. But to shift your thoughts from the happy things to the negative things. Yes, that hurts and that's why we avoid it. But it's the way to keep your grasp on reality. Not that you have to do this forever, but as a way to get past this phase where you romanticize him. I would write private journal entries on DS, and just get out every negative thing he'd done to me, every thing he did to hurt our relationship. Just to get it all out of my head. If I ever started missing him or thinking "what if?," I would make myself read those lists. It didn't take long of doing that before I could just stop the romanticized thoughts before they even started.

I don't mean that you have to dwell on these bad things forever. But it sure did help me to get some perspective about him when we split. And to realize that in fact I deserve more. And so do you
((((HUGS))))

I am struggling so bad to not romanize him. For every bad thought I have a good one instantly replaces it. That has been a problem my whole life I have never been able to hold a grudge at anyone. I am the stupid girl who became friends with the girl her high school boyfriend cheated on her with. Not even just friends, we became best friends. The women who stole my purse, I turned around and bought her groceries and dropped charges because she said she did it because she needed food for her kids. I have always tried to see the good in people even when they hurt me. Even weighting this For every one bad thing I can think about him I think 3 good things instantly. I really suck at this. Perhaps this is why I am so easily manipulated. And find myself where I now am?

Anyone who would go through fertility treatments and the loss of 2 pregnancies and then have a child and then decide to leave is not a man, he's a giant douche. Not a man. You would be wise to get proactive and see an attorney about child support and visitation schedules. Your focus needs to be your kids not this idiot. He's throwing away the future with his child, I don't get it. When my ex wife left at least the kids were basically grown, I can't see leaving a baby, that's inexcusable.

In his mind he is doing what is best for the child by leaving. He says his mom stayed with his dad for years and was miserable, which he says he is with me for some reason which of course he won't say why, he just is. And when his mom finally left he was so happy and he feels that our son will be happier becausewe are not miserable together. I was not miserable with him. He chose this not me. Out of no where he decided to be miserable and that was that. We didn't argue and fight about stuff. We actually got along. I just think he must miss his freedom of being able to do what he wants all the time. His longest relationship before me was a year. We made it almost 3 years. I don't get it.