Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This "break" hasn't even been a weel and I feel so lonely. I talked to my fiance (ex) yesterday afternoon and it was one of the hardest things ever to do. Although it was only a 10 min conversation it was truly heartbreaking. He tells me he just needs a little bit of space to think things through but I don't know how to understand that. He's been with me for practically 7 years and I don't know how he is willing to throw that away.
He only has the rest of the month with weekends off so only a couple of more weekends to go out with friends. I wonder how he will be when he doesn't have them to go out with during his new days off (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday)? How lonely will he feel then. I think one of the things that hurts the most is thinking that he might go hook up with another girl. The thought of that absolutely kills me.
When we talked yesterday we had an okay conversation even though it was extremely painful. I finally brought up the wedding which is on June 18, 2016. I told him soon enough we are going to have to talk about whether we are cancelling this thing or not. He says to give him a couple of weeks to just breathe. How does he not know that this is torturing me?
I get out of work at 5 p.m and don't have the energy to do anything. I go home and by 6:30 p.m I fall asleep because thats the only time I can rest and truly not think of anything. I then wake up at 10, shower and go back to sleep. I don't eat dinner. This is so hard. Harder than anything I have ever gone through. These next few weeks are going to be difficult, especially knowing that last year on Christmas Eve we got engaged. How can things change so much in a year? I still love him and I know he loves me. Why did he need to change? Am I not good enough?
He only has the rest of the month with weekends off so only a couple of more weekends to go out with friends. I wonder how he will be when he doesn't have them to go out with during his new days off (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday)? How lonely will he feel then. I think one of the things that hurts the most is thinking that he might go hook up with another girl. The thought of that absolutely kills me.
When we talked yesterday we had an okay conversation even though it was extremely painful. I finally brought up the wedding which is on June 18, 2016. I told him soon enough we are going to have to talk about whether we are cancelling this thing or not. He says to give him a couple of weeks to just breathe. How does he not know that this is torturing me?
I get out of work at 5 p.m and don't have the energy to do anything. I go home and by 6:30 p.m I fall asleep because thats the only time I can rest and truly not think of anything. I then wake up at 10, shower and go back to sleep. I don't eat dinner. This is so hard. Harder than anything I have ever gone through. These next few weeks are going to be difficult, especially knowing that last year on Christmas Eve we got engaged. How can things change so much in a year? I still love him and I know he loves me. Why did he need to change? Am I not good enough?
No one can say why he changed except him and it appears that he's not willing to tell you.
This isn't about you not being good enough. But rather, I suspect its about him not being good enough for you. If he were, he would be honest with you AND he would have been way more supportive all these years.
In your previous post you said,
"He claims that I make him happy but doesn't get that butterfly feeling anymore."
No one can make another person happy. So that's on him. As for the lack of the butterfly feeling on his part, that just means the 'being in lust' has worn down or off. He doesn't sound very mature. IMHO, love is not about butterfly feelings. He needs to be stand up w/you and take responsibility for his thoughts and feelings instead of passing the blame onto you.
Please consider seeing a qualified therapist to help you thru the grief process and rebuild your sense of self & self-esteem.
~healing hugs~
Hang in there!
Sounds like he is extremely immature and is trying to relive his youth and teenage years. When you are able ask yourself honestly do you think he ever truly loved you? Would it be better to marry him pop a few kids and then have him leave you and his kids? If you are able plan a nice vacation just for you at a spa or retreat should things go bad. Have your mo or sister or maid of honour cancel all for you so you can simply run away for a weekend to recoup.
So sorry for your pain
If he is not ready to give up partying w his friends and seeking out attentions of other women due to a new found physical attractiveness, then he is not ready to be married. Marriage is hard work under ideal circumstances, and we all know life is anything but ideal. You need someone who can stand the tests of time with you, whatever that may be. Two people shouldn't get married because they are attractive, and you shouldn't have to fear your spouse leaving you if you become less attractive, or if they become more attractive. If he's not done looking for options, then you don't deserve to have to wait around in the wings for him while he sees what else is out there. At this point, he isn't answering you because he knows you aren't going anywhere. He wants to 'breathe,' aka he wants to pursue his own agenda and expects that you'll wait around while he does so. That is not the way to treat someone you say you want to marry.
I know it is hard to think about giving up on something you are so invested in. But he's pulling away and not treating you very well, and you deserve to be treated better than that. I think you should strongly think about that possibility of at least postponing the date. If it is meant to be, putting it off by 6 months won't matter in the long run. But torturing yourself waiting around on him is not a good thing. And honestly, I'd be wary of just picking right back up w him even if he told you tomorrow that's what he wanted: clearly something is going on w him, and it should not be swept under the rug. Pre-marital counseling would be a MUST if he decides to move forward w this marriage.
For now, as hard as it is, don't reach out to him. Don't make it easy on him. If he wants to save the relationship, he needs to come to you. If he doesn't do so, there's your answer. I don't say this in a game-playing way, but he stepped away, don't chase after him. He needs to turn around and walk back, if he can do that then maybe he is worth devoting your life to. If he only responds because you chase him and reach out to him, he's not someone who is going to support you when the storms of life come down the line.