Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Man, I can't believe I feel this bad about being dumped after only a 3 month relationship. Granted it was extremely intense from Day-1 and I did know her quite well from over 2.5 years of working together. That's why she said she felt so comfortable ramping the relationship up so quickly.
On our first date we went to a local pub, had two or three drinks and shot some pool. Then we went back to my place to watch two DVDs. Afterward we snuggled and kissed on the couch. When she said she was a little tired I was prepared to drive her home, but she said she wanted to sleep in my bed. I said, "Okay, I'll take the couch." and she said "No, with you silly.".
Even though we didn't have sex on that first night, it wasn't far behind. We literally spent the whole weekend together, from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. And just about every single night and weekend for about 5 weeks.
I know I should have slowed it down, and in fact I did try, but I just got caught up in the moments. We were both so incredibly drawn to each other. The chemistry was intense, to say the least.
We were informally planning a life together. Talk of marriage in the future, where my furniture would go in her house, etc...
I suppose the reasons why it ended are not important. I'm sure we both played a part in it, and in fact she is correct we are completely different people.
Honeslty, I don't want to be angry or bitter, and right now I'm not. I just have a huge sense of loss combined with loneliness.
I also think about what I could have done differently. I know I should not engage in this pattern of thought. I am who I am. It just wasn't meant to be.
Right now I think the loneliness and fear of the future returning to normalcy are what's eating at me the most. I've never had a large circle of friends, and I recently moved to this area (about 3 years ago). My close friends from the past are all a great distance away, and they all have their own lives and families to worry about. I don't want to burden them with my problems on the phone.
I do know things will return to normal eventually. I can remember how things were before we started dating. It just doesn't help right now.
We have had very limited contact after the breakup. I texted her once, asking if I could call her, and since she's texted me twice, once to ask if I was okay and once to ask how an event I went to turned out.
I know she does in fact care for me and worries about me. She also says it's not easy for her, as she does think about me often. However since she's the Dumper she had to view the breakup as in her best interest. I have to assume this is much easier for her and she might not realize how incredibly difficult this is for me.
I have no illusions about the possibility of getting back together, and frankly I do agree with her that our personalities are so completely different as to guarantee problems should we have continued. Better it did end when it did, rather than down the road.
So my mind tells me it's for the best, but my heart just isn't buying it! :(
On our first date we went to a local pub, had two or three drinks and shot some pool. Then we went back to my place to watch two DVDs. Afterward we snuggled and kissed on the couch. When she said she was a little tired I was prepared to drive her home, but she said she wanted to sleep in my bed. I said, "Okay, I'll take the couch." and she said "No, with you silly.".
Even though we didn't have sex on that first night, it wasn't far behind. We literally spent the whole weekend together, from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. And just about every single night and weekend for about 5 weeks.
I know I should have slowed it down, and in fact I did try, but I just got caught up in the moments. We were both so incredibly drawn to each other. The chemistry was intense, to say the least.
We were informally planning a life together. Talk of marriage in the future, where my furniture would go in her house, etc...
I suppose the reasons why it ended are not important. I'm sure we both played a part in it, and in fact she is correct we are completely different people.
Honeslty, I don't want to be angry or bitter, and right now I'm not. I just have a huge sense of loss combined with loneliness.
I also think about what I could have done differently. I know I should not engage in this pattern of thought. I am who I am. It just wasn't meant to be.
Right now I think the loneliness and fear of the future returning to normalcy are what's eating at me the most. I've never had a large circle of friends, and I recently moved to this area (about 3 years ago). My close friends from the past are all a great distance away, and they all have their own lives and families to worry about. I don't want to burden them with my problems on the phone.
I do know things will return to normal eventually. I can remember how things were before we started dating. It just doesn't help right now.
We have had very limited contact after the breakup. I texted her once, asking if I could call her, and since she's texted me twice, once to ask if I was okay and once to ask how an event I went to turned out.
I know she does in fact care for me and worries about me. She also says it's not easy for her, as she does think about me often. However since she's the Dumper she had to view the breakup as in her best interest. I have to assume this is much easier for her and she might not realize how incredibly difficult this is for me.
I have no illusions about the possibility of getting back together, and frankly I do agree with her that our personalities are so completely different as to guarantee problems should we have continued. Better it did end when it did, rather than down the road.
So my mind tells me it's for the best, but my heart just isn't buying it! :(
No matter what the reasons and how right it is, it is never fun being rejected by anyone. It is so easy to start the "what if "questions in your mind........... but it doesn't help.
The best thing is to try to find something to do that can take your mind off your situation. A distraction.
I can empathize completely with the feelings you are having with regards being in a new place and that your close friends are far away. It is tough when the people that know you really well are hundreds or thousands of miles away. Mine live on another continent, and although I have made friends here, they only know my recent past, and so there isn't that absolute comfort and ease in the friendships that there is with those friends from way back. Good luck with finding inner peace and happiness again.
Yeah, I know. I need to re-engage life. I already have. I attended three meetups with a local outdoor club this week and I volunteered to usher and greet at my local church. I passed out the collection baskets at Mass this morning. :)
It helps for a while, then I fade back into funk. Oh, I know, eventually I'll stay out of funk for longer and longer periods, and then one day in the not too distant future I'll look back and wonder why I was so distraught. ;)
I hope your heart catches up with your mind really soon and that you find yourself in a happy place once again!!! And I'm sorry that you'll just have to go through the pain now, in order to get there.
If it's too difficult for you to have contact with her now, don't force yourself to. Let her know gently that it would be better to break all contact. Unless you're good at being friends after such an intense relationship!!!! (I never was!)
Take good care. I'm sorry you're going through this! (((((Hugs)))))
nancyneds - Yes, I am sure the bad spots will slowly reduce in intensity and duration.
CarlaBent - I know my heart will eventually come to the same conclusion my mind has. My mind already requested she not contact me after I realized how poor a decision my first text was, but my heart compelled me to call her after each of her subsequent texts.
It's darned good advice to maintain a no contact rule, at least for me and definitely at this moment in time. I think the empathetic part of me drives me to respond to her texts. I truly don't want to ignore her if she reaches out, so I call her and put up a front saying I'm okay, no need to worry. That might be good for her, but it's not for me. I have to focus more on what's good for me. By virtue of the breakup she focused on what's best for her.
Dren - Oh yeah, I'm aware of the changes sex has on brain chemistry and thought patterns. It's inherent in our design.
While we did know each other quite well from work and the occassional get together with other co-workers outside of work, we really didn't know each other on a more fundamental level.
In my more lucid moments I am actually taking note of this and other lessons. On an intellectual level I do understand this is important for personal growth. Heheh, it doesn't help much right now but will in the future. Not that I'm thinking about the future. I'm still dragging myself out of the past and trying to focus on the now. ;)
I totally feel for you. Same thing with me. Met him and everything clicked, although we chose to wait a little while before having sex, it was something we were both anticipating, but did not base the relationship on it. We spent 5 of 7 days a week together for the better part of 4 months and his biggest fear was that his son would not accept a woman in his life...but he did and it was amazing.
We discussed how fast everything was moving, but we both felt it was right and went with it. He was the one making all the future plans, telling his family he would be moving in with me...and then just like that...one day it was all gone. Although I do know why it ended, I am still having a hard time accepting it. I get it was only 5 months, but when its so right and you click on every single level, and you know emotionally it was devestating to them to end the relationship because they loved you...does not make accepting it any easier!
But what does not kill us only makes us stronger!
((((HUGS))))
What matters is she felt it in her best interests to end it, and rather suddenly, so it's ended. I had no say in her decision, and I suppose I shouldn't have.
True we had a minor dustup the night before it ended, and we both played a part in it. We agreed to talk it over the next day, but the next day she said she did a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion we are completely different people and it wasn't going to work. Oh well, what could I say to that? Her mind was already made up.
And yeah, her boys, especially two of them, had really taken a liking to me. Probably best it ended when it did before they became too attached.
I admit to being very confused in addition to very empty and lonely. I'm sure the emptiness, loneliness and sense of loss will fade away, however I suspect I'll never know why she so suddenly came to the conclusion it couldn't possibly work.