My bf (now ex) have been broken up for 8 days. It was the kind of break up that blind sided him. Nothing was wrong, everything was perfect. We were just two college grads, living in our first apartment ready to spend our lives together. For the last few weeks, I've been feeling trapped in our relationship. I asked for a break, but my bf couldn't handle the distant emotional state of our relationship, so we broke up.

Fast forward to Thursday night. I went out drinking with friends. I was a little drunk but I wasn't going to party. I went home to the apartment I share with my bf. It was 10:30 and I had to be at work the next morning so I just decided to go to bed. I passed out into a deep sleep. Around 12:15, I was awaken confused and disoriented. I felt like I was in a fog or a haze and all my senses were returning to me slowly. I felt like something was off. I soon realized my head was knocking against the headboard and that I was on my stomach and I could feel the weight of someone's body on me. I snapped back to reality when I realized that someone was inside me. I turned my head to the side, and saw my bf's face. I tried to push up but my arms were crossed and I was laying on them and that pinned them to my body. I pushed up with my legs but he pushed me back down. I said "what are you doing?... Move off me!" but he pinned my shoulders and face to the bed by putting his forearm across my back and he just kept pounding away. I can't explain why, but I froze. I stop resisting and just stopped moving and let him finish. I was terrified. When he finished, he pushed off me and rolled to the other side of the bed and fell asleep. I layed in the bed for 30 more minutes to make sure that he was asleep before I snuck off to the kitchen to call a friend. My friend told me to leave, but I was still tipsy and shaking and didn't think I could drive myself. He offered to come get me but during the phone conversation I heard my bf wake up and I hung up the phone. He came to the kitchen and asked was I okay and to come back to bed. I told him I was fine and needed a glass of water and I was going to watch a little tv in the living room. He gave me a 'wtf' look but went back to the bedroom. I called my friend back because it was now 1:30 in the morning and I still didn't have a plan. I was afraid to leave and I told my friend I would sleep on the couch and stick it out until morning. I didn't sleep that night. I got off the couch at 5:30, packed a bag of clothes, got dressed for work, and left. After work I drove 2 hrs to my sisters house, where I'm now typing this post.

I know I need to move out. I'm having a hard time understanding why this happened and why do I feel the way I do. I still love him, I just dont want to be with him right now. Before that night, he had never hit me, forced me down in anyway or done anything short of a gentleman. He is the nicest guy anyone will ever meet. I never saw this coming. Did the break up hurt him so much that he had to take some of that pain out on me? does he even know this hurt me? How can I move out of that apartment? I have a million things racing through my head, Im so confused.