Oh trust me Iknow how you feel. My husband strung me along for 3 years, and put me through alot of up's and down's. After coming to me house for dinner, something we did 3 or 4 times a week, and talked everyday, he told me that he had met someone. I was devestated even though we had been seperated for a long time. I will not allow him to continue to give me mixed signals and treat me like I mean nothing to him. At this point I know I mean nothing to him, because we longer speak. I guess he really doesn't know what to say to me. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I deserve better, than someone who can through away 18 years. This site has helped me so much, and all I can say is conitinue to vent and let it out.... At some point it has to get better

HUGS to you

First off, please, take a deep breath and like me, let's just hope all this nightmare stuff ends for us one day!

I know a little bit of what your going through, for I didn't invest 7 years to a relationship, my ex-fiance were only together for 13-14 months. I haven't have to deal with my ex-fiance claiming suicidal thoughts and calling me about them, we went strict "no contact" back on August 7th. But the phone records situation, I know a little something abut that.

When my ex-fiance walked out of what used to be "our front door" for the last time back on August 3rd, seeing that she would have had no phone for her trip back home, seeing that both of our phones were in my name and it was my account, I was more than accommodating and allowed her to keep the phone that she called her own. So I let her go with it, no big deal, at least I knew the phone would help her and help keep her safe during her 2000 mile flight back to Ohio.

After she landed back home on the morning of August 4th, and we didn't talk until the night of August 7th, during that call it was understood by both of us that going "no contact" would be best. After that agreement my curiosity got the best of me, plus a part of me wanted to feel some how connect to her, I know it's sick, but I to would check the web site and check her activity on her phone.

I to started to see one number being called and texted to more than normal, I started, like you, to have my off and on again suspicions if that number was like her "new man"! After a while of justifying my phone log searches and mire curiosity, I had to buck up and stop myself one night and told myself, I held my end of an agreement that I'd allow her to have a fully functional phone for just pretty much her trip and trip alone, we were now well beyond that, she was home safe, been calling and texting people like crazy for 2 weeks, so on the night of August 18th I called my phone provider and had her phone shut off.

I don't know what kind of agreement you've made with your now departed lady, as far as having access to a phone that you can monitor, but if it's to much for you to handle, perhaps if she can float a phone bill on her own and get her own phone, that might be best. Even though my "ego" doesn't like the fact that at least on a communications level, that I don't have the ability to take small peeks into her little world, the rest of me is quite relieved, one less thing of drama to deal with, one less thing with seeing a strange number and have my imagination run wild of "who could that be"!

Only if your comfortable with it, cut her phone, have your provider purge that phones records off the web site, one less string attached between the two of you. And as far as the whole "you hurt me" and "you broke me" and "you lied to me", oh yeah buddy, I know what your talking about there, almost sounds like the song I've been singing for 17 days now!

Just hang in there, and know that "we" will one day make it through this mess!

So sorry for your pain. Hang in there. It hurts like hell, but you just have to take one breath at a time....(hugs)

The amount of times I read the word suicide on this board is beginning to sound alarming to me. What is going on with relationships these days? - almost seems like very few people have healthy ones. Makes me so sad. Please ask her to call the suicide hotline and not you. If this young lady is suicidal, that's too much pressure on you, she should talk to an expert in that field.

Now my friend - I know you are hurting and is natural, but please seek counseling for yourself. Love isn't toxic nor codependent. You are describing a person that has been using you over and over and calls you when she feels like it. You are also describing that when you don't hear from her you freak out and even check phone records to see who's she's calling instead? Why are you doing this? Is she your lady or your ex?

We can't be angry at folks for mistreating us - NO, is not our fault either but if you are getting to a point where you aren't able to snap out of your state of mind and things are getting so out of hand, it's time to take a step back and remember that YOU matter and that you owe love and respect to YOURSELF first before anyone else can extend it to you.

Sorry for your pain and hope that you find peace soon.

I know the best thing to do is to remove myself from the phone plan. It was our family plan under her name and I haven't been able to leave it due to financial constraints (bills, childcare, and etc) with the loss of my job and my new one making far less than I used to. 3-4 years ago, I experienced a dark side of myself I had never seen before. She left the first time and I was beyond devastated. I started checking all of her social networks and phone records everyday. Reading emails she was sending to some guy she had met within a week within leaving. Reading FB messages between her and her sister talking about how sad and desperate I was. Even going over to the place she was staying and snooping around b/c there was a spare key she didn't know about. It got bad and I had to remove myself from that "evil twin" I had created. Thankfully I have never gone back to that dark place. But I let her come back, begged her back and I though things we going good. We had a kid and then things started to fall again and from that point we were up and down for 3 years. I'd be deeply upset and depressed being away from her b/c my heart and love was her's. She was out and about with other guys and a lot more. When I would get to the point where I could be ok and leave her alone, she'd come back crying saying she wanted to be with me. So fast forward to now, it's been since June when I told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the lies and cheating. I'd been trying to push pass the hurt and lies but she just couldn't be happy enough with just me. 4 weeks ago she called and needed to go to the hospital. I dropped everything and rushed to her side. She was on her phone and I happened to gaze longer than I should and noticed she was talking to several guys at the time. She left for an CT scan and like an idiot I grabbed her phone, curiosity got the best of me. She's screwing 3 of them, one more frequently than the others. So I was upset but trying to get over it quickly as we weren't together. But I was confused as to why she would call me and not the guy(s) she's screwing on a regular basis....as it was clear she had a deeper level of relationship with the one guy. Two weeks after that we got into an argument about me possibly moving out of state, bc of our daughter and she said some very hurtful things. So I purposefully bought up the other guys she's been with and stated she should have called them when she needed to go the hospital. More hurtful words from her then we hung up. I was devastated. I turned to FB like a fool and posted something that wasn't too revealing but just enough to show how hurt and pissed I was. She called later that evening and said she understood why I was so hurt and understands the things she did was wrong but that she wouldn't have done that to me. I agreed it was foolish. She admits that it was out of character for me to post like that and she takes the blame. The next day she texts me that she was in the hospital. Come to find out she had attempted suicide via overdose. I rushed to her side and didn't get home til 2AM. Transferred to another facility where she added me to the list of contacts to call and get status updates. She called me everyday, twice a day. She wanted to see me. I tried to go, but her mother gave my a look of death when I got to the facility. I left. She states that her parents know everything and that they think she needs to distance herself from me......I couldn't agree more. Something I had been trying to do but she would always call me. She gets out and is still calling me. Texting me. She called me in the middle of the night while at her parents b/c she was having a bad night and just wanted to end it all. Her mom was awake a upstairs but she didn't want to talk to her. I don't understand why she didn't call her friends or the guy(s) she's been seeing. I answer the call and console her. Last week she comes to pick up our daughter for a family trip, my ex's family, and she is upset and I offer a hug. We embrace for a few minutes. I offer to go out to eat to provide a bright spot for her b/c we are foodies and we enjoyed it a lot. She said ok then left. I hadn't heard from her all weekend and was worried. Checked the records and then I see nonstop calls all weekend, particularly to one number. No calls, texts, emails, anything to me. She calls me last night b/c my daughter missed me and wanted to say hi. Then she proceeds to tell me about her doctor's visit and other things going on. Than asked me to look into travel plans for her and her friends bachelorette party....REALLY? So now I'm your friend and travel agent when it suits you? No thank you. I can't work today effectively b/c everything is on my mind and dragging me down. It hurts and I don't know how to get out of this funk I'm in.

She doesn't respect you. You're her doormat. She knows she's got you at her beck and call. You showed your vulnerability and unfortunately there's a double standard. It's ok for women to show emotion, but when men do they are not respected. I think it's great when men show emotion . Anyway you are convenient to her. She's got issues you cannot help her with. You are hurting yourself when you snoop. I did and what I found out only devastated me. So I drop him from the family plan. You need to be without a phone for now if you can't afford one. You need to be off that plan. You need to delete and block her immediately from all social media. You need to work out visitation and have someone take your daughter to you. You need to avoid this woman at all costs. You are not strong enough yet to have contact. She is destroying you. Please take care of yourself. You can do better. She's promiscuous and has deep mental health issues and it's too much for you to carry hers plus yours. Inbox me if you need to talk. We are here to support each other.

You would really benefit from setting up some real deal boundaries with her and sticking to them. You can co-parent without putting yourself in a position of being emotionally used as her go-to when she needs you and then becoming nothing and left out in the cold when she doesn't.

Its HARD to put boundaries in place for those that we love, even if they have wronged the hell out of us, but we must do it to preserve our own sanity at times.

It worries me that she is in such an emotionally fragile place while having your daughter around too. You don't just attempt suicide and bounce back just like that. She clearly has her own pile of mess to work on, and that's on her, but in the interim you still have to take care of yourself in order to stay sane and to be the good father that your daughter needs you to be. Your child at least deserves one stable and present parent.

I totally agree with Transitions73, she's just using you! Like my ex-fiance did for a while, and that was to expect that I'd be a nice guy about everything and give in to her, all on my notion that I was helping and taking her feelings into consideration, but on her notion, I'm getting the last of what I can out of this guy!

The phone thing, the phone records, to us the justified checking of them, now that I think about it, when I was doing it while she had my other phone until the night I called the company and shut it off, that night what stopped me was admitting I'm stalking this woman! But since cutting off the phone, I've felt better, one less thing for my temptations to give into.

The Facebook thing, it's got to go! For me there was nothing harder than seeing some images of my ex-fiance after she arrived back home in Ohio, where 24 hours earlier she was inside my home, and there she was at her parents house looking sad, but relieved at the same time. That fricking hurt.

I dabbled for a while checking in on her, but when we had our talk on the phone, and decided to go "no contact" that meant Facebook as well. Since then we've removed each other off our friends list and blocked each other. It really hurt my ego at first, for it felt justified to check in on her once in a while. But since then it has brought relief to me, plus I knew one of these days she might show off a new person in her life, and I really didn't want to be subjected to that, so no contact on Facebook is for the best.

I know it's chaos inside your mind, it's no Disneyland in mine, but if we step back and take a look, we'll see that it's just us now, you there, me here, there's been a breakup, we're essentially on our own now. I know, like it does with me, that the thought of it can drive us crazy, but remember, and this is hard to say, that we are now the only ones in our lives that can really help us, going back in time in the mind is no good, continued contact with the ex is no good, we hate it, but we're all we got right now, I just try my best thought my chaos to move forward, even if that's simply doing a couple dishes in the sink, if that's all I can do for the day, than that's all I can do!

We're here for you!

I'm so sorry for your pain, hurting like hell right now myself as I sit at my desk and try to hold back tears. If I hear it will get better or you deserve better one more time I'm going to scream. I want to rip my heart out my chest and lock it away to never feel again.