I am doing the same thing right now. I don't know where you will go, but you can't blame someone for their feelings, only for their actions. This has helped us in that we have decided to get a divorce, but separating our physical and financial lives has been made easier by focusing on the fact that we love and like the other person and would rather have that good relationship afterward, than anger and resentment and a fractious divorce.

same here as gruen

well it was my husband who said those lovely words to me. and its the second time he has done this. all i can say is get as much help and support tht you can. i just dont know where all this comes from in there headwithout any warnings .here if you need or want to chatxxxxx

In my honest opinion, if you truly want to save your marriage, you best move would be to let her go; be free from the troubles of marriage. This is not just some type of reversed psychology, but actually a true indication to her that you love her.

We love by choice and not by force. Just as your children, when you allow them to go out on their own adn experience the world on their own, they will appreciate more than if you were to try to live their life for them. Additionally, if you do not want to make matters worse, give her a break.

Allowing her space to breathe remind me of an episode of What's Happening, a 1970's hit show, when Roger's mother, played by Mable King, was hugging Roger because she was so proud of him. And because Roger was a slim dude and his mother was a large; heavy set, as she held him tight, Roger said, "momma." Yes, baby, Mable replied. "I can't breathe."

You see, sometimes you can love someone so much, that you do not think about the fact that you are suffocating them. When she ask for air, as she is now, let her breathe before she begin to think that you do not want her to breathe.

Hope this answers your question!

Yah I actually said that to my wife once. Will regret I said it, until the day I die, and probably long after. But at the time, I did have no more than those feelings for her. I know it was because I was scared she didn't love me, and I had to play big dickbag, and pretend I didn't love her.

I am at that point now. The alcohol has destroyed everything I ever felt for my stbx. While neither of us is the same person that we married, he is no longer the same caliber of person....and I can not love the person he's become. But that's just my story.

Going through this right now. I love you and care for you but I'm not in love with you. 17yrs of love for what?

My NSETBX and I both said this. There was no saving the marriage.

Yes, I went through it about 7 years ago, and agin now. What worked then was simply letting her go and giving her space. Don't try talking to her about it, or try to change her feelings. It is very true - love is a choice and has to be made of your own free will.

The more you try to hold on, the more you'll suffocate any flames still in her heart. You have to back away in all respects and convey freedom to your partner. Freedom, you see, is the fuel of romantic fire!

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Instead of begging, pleading, wringing your hands and whimpering like an abused puppy, you as the vulnerable partner must appear strangly calm and assured. The key word is confidence, and it is of maximum importance. Your manner should say "I beleive in me. I'm no longer afraid. I can cope, regardless of the outcome. I know something I'm not talking about. I've had my day of sorrow and I'm through crying. God and I can handle whatever life puts in the path".

Sounds like the opposite thing to do - but it is the only chance you have to come out of this, especially with respect and dignity.

All I can tell you that I was married for 17 years and I have 4 kids, but I also ended up loving my husband as a friend not as husband and wife. Sometimes all that loving feeling,goes away especially if there is no passion in the relationship. Don't get angry with her I'm sure she hates feeling that way, but is something that even if she tries, its to hard.

the best advice anyone gave me when i went through the same thing is to let them go. Let them have their space no matter how hard. It will let her think, let you think and you can take a deeper look at the situation from afar. Good luck and you WILL get through this! Take care of yourself!

I got the same spiel. My feelings are that the "in love" phase does fade that LOVE sustains the relationship, but some people don't see that. They want to pursue being in love with someone else. To me there really is no choice but to let them go.

My husband used the exact words with me... I love you, but Im not in love with you. After two weeks of feeling terrible I found out he is obsessed with somebody else. We are getting divorced now.

I know exactly how you are feeling...my husband said those exact words to me. I was devastated. At first I just didn't understand, but now I'm beginning to. I agree with bkdaniels advice completely...it is exactly what I am now trying to do. Give him room to breathe and find myself again - make myself a better person and move forward. Try to let go and focus on myself. If he decides to come back...i'll see how I feel at that time. It's just not all about him - it's about me too. Try to focus on yourself...it's tough...I know! Hang in there...and be strong.