Yes.

Its normal for you to be sad that things didn't get better. It made me feel like a failure. You just have to remember that you are going to be much better off, and you can find someone who knows how to treat you, respect you, and meet your needs.

Being sad about the end of your relationship is normal, and it will pass.

how long were you together? at some point we fall in love with these men. and years later realize, it's not a healthy relationship, and years later leave or get dumped. but through it all love wether it be good or bad is still there. my counselor told me, my mind is doing great, but my heart has not caught up with it, that the heart takes longer. as your situation, i realize i would do everything to please him and not worry about myself, i let myself be buried so far under. embrace all of your feelings that you are going through. don't try to fight them or forget them, move with them through each day. when i get these thoughts, i say oh well, Lord just help me through it, i'm going to be ok, because you walk with me and know what is best for my life. your heart has not caught up with your mind. me neither. but we'll walk this journey together, we'll be ok because we are strong. we deserve to love ourselves totally, before we can let someone else in our hearts. we deserve peace and happiness, and with time and patience we'll get there.

WOW - what a great post. I can identify with the feelings, even though my situation is different. I was married to a "nice" woman who didn't lie to me and was good to me. But our marriage was stale, we had a shitty sex life, and I felt a lot of stress and lack of fulfillment. The fullment was in our children, and we probably would have broken up when they left. So it made total sense to split now - while we still had some of our life left to enjoy. We're friends, it should be perfect - I have everything I need, right? Kids are in my life, no bitterness...and I can potentially meet someone wonderful. So I should be happy? No, I'm feeling and grieving the loss intensely. Not as much now, but for much of the past 7 weeks I was in great despair. It's a huge loss, and if you're normal, you grieve the loss just as you would if a loved one die. Which by the way, happened to me twice over before my marriage split! Lost my brother, dad, and marriage within 13 months.

Hang in there and know that it will pass, that others have experienced exactly what you are going through, and that you will not always feel this way. Deal with the pain, talk about it, and know you will get through it. It sucks, but you're doing all the right things. This is the advice I've been given, and I believe it. We can't undo the loss, and the pain sucks, but we will know happiness again some day.

Good luck.....

Did you ever communicate to him about what you felt? Did he offer to change anything and everything to make you happy? Did he tell you that he loved you more than anything? You are sad because it's over and it's a big change. The ones that cheat and "sneak" out don't get sad b/c they are so busy and caught up in their new relashionships. Just my xx cents.

We were together 11 years. Thank you both for such warm responses.

Oli, no to all of your questions! Sad, but true. He didnt cheat, he just didnt think I would really leave! He didnt think i had the guts to do it. When I did try to tell him how I felt, he would tell me I was being stupid, because, I had a great life! Little did he know!

It makes perfect sense. I have done and felt all those same things. I left, I filed and I signed the final papers in court. My ex was verbally abusive for years, cheated, but could charm the socks off of anyone. I did/do still love him with my heart although my head asks "why in the world after years of grief do you feel that way?" I think I'm mourning the loss of what I always dreamed my life would be like and the end of 24 years together. Sometimes our actual memories fail us and we tend to remember only the good times. I hate to dwell on the past but it's a good reality check to sometimes think about how things really were. Helps me not to feel so badly.

I guess my story is the other side of the coin; so, I can't really relate to yours. We had a great marriage and I thought he was perfect for me until he had the affair. We always talked about everything... Why didn't you voice your unhappiness?

Vic, I did voice my unhappiness. He just either didnt believe me, or didnt care. He thought I was being rediculous! So, eventually, I stopped telling him, well, pretty much anything!

I never walked a mile in your shoe's but yes It makes sense to me. It show's me what a loving and caring person you are, that you to have emotional pains of a divorce. Some people feel nothing. My stbx felt nothing.

Wow, I admire you for staying so long... I had a taste of the "not caring" part or being emotionally unavailable for less than 3 months and couldn't take it. At least you tried. Sadness comes with the process of letting go of the relationship. Unless you don't have a heart, you can't help but mourn the life you leave behind and also the hopes and dreams you had for the future. It was supposed to be forever, after all.

I think it is incredibly normal to feel that way even though you are the one who left. Your leaving more than a marriage behind, your leaving a life, hopes and dreams as well.

I feel that way too diejms. I know in my heart I do not want that life back...he is not a good person. He could've been, but chose not to be...I think that's what hurts the most for me. I was suckered! NEVER again!

You are sad because it is the end of something.. it is scary. I am willing to bet you are sad more out of fear that you wont make it then over the end of your relationship with him.

Thank you all for your comments. It makes me feel "normal"!! I have come to an understanding about this feeling.

Thank you all!