I'm feeling really frustrated...not sure that's exactly the right word but don't know what the right word is. I'm tired of the disruption this has caused in my life. My boyfriend just stopped all communication abruptly 7 weeks ago and although I have spoken with him a few times since and found out what happened (he has commitment issues...it's like panic situation and his fight/flight instinct takes over) and understand the psychology of his issues and what probably led to them, I still struggle with the whole thing. Sometimes I still can't believe he did this to us. I miss him, it was like losing my boyfriend and my best friend all at once. We didn't fight, we talked about everything (except this apparently...we actually did talk about it to an extent, he just didn't tell me he was feeling like bolting) and he actually put a lot of effort into the relationship. He was SO good to me.
This weekend I'm really missing the social aspect of being a couple and I'm sad and angry about it. I really have no single friends and I rarely get invited with my friends who are couples (part of that is that for the last 6 or so years I've had a part time job that I worked so was there Friday & Saturday nights.)
Since he left, I've had trouble eating...the first two weeks I literally couldn't swallow food but since then, anytime I eat my stomach hurts. I've been to the doctor and he agrees it's stress. I can't sleep without medication and for the past 4 nights, I've woken up after 4 hours and can't go back to sleep. The first 5 weeks I had extreme anxiety and shook all the time. Today I'm shaky and feel like throwing up which. I'm so irritated that my life has been turned upside down. I'm doing everything I can...taking antidepressants, I walk every day (I've done 10.5 miles today alone), seeing a counselor, doing relaxation exercises. I don't know what else to do. I know it takes time but I need some sleep and the stress is taking a toll on my body. I've had enough already.