I had a similar situation. Broke up (kind of) in late October but mutually were trying to fix things. He started messaging girls and taking girls out to bars, in early November. But I didn't know about it. We continued to talk everyday until mid December. I told him he wasn't what I wanted. He had a drinking and drugs problem and told me he stopped, but actually didn't and when I found out I said get lost. I then find out days later he shows up to my families place with a new girlfriend that he's been seeing since November. Who tries to fix things and work on themselves, but starts seeing new people already, (sorry, still mad about that). Anyway, he went through the same process "I was with her to forget you" "I'll break up with her" "let's work on us" "you're my soulmate" "I can't loose you" and so on, but yet he stayed with the OW until I would agree to see him again. I most certainly do not trust him and that will never change.

In my opinion I would start strict NC. I tried NC several times until beginning of April. I would go a week or so and then break down. When he started playing the 'I'm in a relationship and I'm SO happy' card... And I wanted him back. I tried, I was the one acting desperate. I think it's natural. We want what we can't have. I didn't want him back, but I also didn't want him to be with anyone else. My case my ex is a pyscopathic abuser, so he is an expert at manipulation. Something clicked on day and I had had enough. I was tired of the up and down, the drama, the texting and calls. I blocked him and her on social media, and blocked his number and any other way he could reach me. Until this point I was doing NC to make him miss me or prove how strong I was. NC is for us, to let us find peace and to let us heal. Until you do NC for yourself I think you'll always keep breaking it. I've been 17 days now and have no plans of that changing.

It will take time for your heart to follow your head. You already know you can't trust him or want to be with him, trust your gut. It's a break up and even though you ended it, it's still going to hurt. Missing him is part of the process of healing. You know what you want. Be strong and kind to yourself. For me, every day I go NC I find more clarity, he is not there to cloud my judgement. It's also nice looking at my phone or Facebook knowing I won't see him pop up in a comment or a message.

Hoping you find peace and clarity soon!

Exactly about NC..! You have to get to a point where you are just sick and tired of the communication and the bs back and forth nonsense. I broke NC a lot for months after she left me but recently I just said enough, blocked and deleted her and never looked back. Have no desire to unblock and am not "agonizing" over unblocking like in the early days. I honestly do not want anything more to do with her and it's really peaceful, good luck!

thanks guys.

he cared so little that he could cheat
he cares so little that he won't come clean

I read your post with a great interest. You are a lucky women if your ex desperately wants you both to reconcile. It looks like you love him too...and it is tremendously difficult to recover from the broken relationships if you really in love. It might take months or years, the worse... if he was your truth love, you might never recover. It depends who will you meet on your your life path. And, there is no guarantee you will meet a right and a better person for sure.
Now, cheating is never a good thing, and it does not fit with a perfect relationships,everyone knows that. However, man cheat...this is a reality. The difference between what you can or should forgive is what was the nature of the relationships with another women and what the circumstances were. Man, especially good looking faces a lot of temptations as there is a great supply of available women, who would sleep with your man under any arrangement. Yes, it is easy to stay faithful when one woman offers you sex, what if there are plenty pretty and available cheeks are around? I am not calling for allowing your man to cheat and to forgive him easily. Not, cheater should suffer consequences. Make it as hard as you can for him to get you back, make him suffer...but do not offend him. I just seen many couples that survived bad days and stayed together until they got old. If you believe you are his dream women, and you both match each other, may be it is worth to reconcile. Give it a try. I never listen to that old saying: " If he cheated once, he will cheat forever". If he will, you will be prepared. Men are polygamists, at least in their minds. But, sometimes being single or just with someone who you do not love is worse that stay with a man who cheated because of his stupidity. I wish you luck.

"Now, cheating is never a good thing, and it does not fit with a perfect relationships,everyone knows that. However, man cheat...this is a reality."

So do women. Call my ex wife if you don't believe me.

I certainly don't agree that "All men cheat" and that as women we just have to accept that. Nope. For one, it's not true, and for two, that's very sexist.

Some men cheat. Some women cheat. Not all people cheat, not all people of any one gender cheats.

And NO ONE has to accept cheating. Period.

I did not mean all men cheat. Many of them do, because they can. Some women cheat too, however there is less opportunities for women to do so. Cheating has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with personal qualities and moral character. .Resisting temptation requires strength...not all people have it.

I agree with you and I understand the liking the grovel...I feel like you and I know he is the cheater but him trying makes e feel for him..sorry ugh. I guess it is because I would like my relationship to get back together even after he cheated. I know it is different however the same goal.

I have been checking on the online dating and it just seems weird. I know it is earlier but I did it. Only a few emails to a couple of people. I feel odd. I just keep thinking I just really want him back.

Good luck to you on what you decide to do.