Keep venting and stay strong

I am so sorry! I hear your pain and your sadness and your frustration all at once. This is so hard. You said that this is the second visit since the split last year so he is not around very much. It is not really a surprise that the visit would go well given that he is not around for the day to day. When someone visits that we have not seen in a long time, it usually goes well because we are not intimately involved and do not share the day to day ups and downs. You can't really base how life would be with just a couple of visits. However, if you think he wants you and the family back, ask him about going to counseling with you. Ask if he is committed to seeing if you can work things out. You can certainly ask and know where things stand instead of feeling confused and hopeful. If he does not want to be back with his family, you may need the help of a counselor who can help you with closure and strength as you grieve the loss. When you love, and you have to let go, there is unavoidable pain and grief that you must walk through in order to heal. You owe this to yourself and to your children who need you and love you. I am sorry that it is such a hard place to me. I will be thinking about you. Please stay strong and please move yourself to a better place. I wish you and your family the best.

Yes absolutely I had a very hard year last year when it came to me being sick and injured and it led to me not being able to walk... He was still with us up until July and then he said he needed some time to think... And after that I fell into a really dark place and deep depression and I basically cut the whole world off... I wasn't t even really feeling like I was worth being a mother to my children... So he took that as I was purposefully shutting him out but I wasn't! I was absolutely lost i didn't feel like praying and I hoped to not wake up every night when I went to sleep! I am not use to being in such a dark and hopeless place I am usually the sunshine and positive person for everyone else in my life. So honestly it really hasn't been an extremely long time that we have been apart. And then he came back around in December and I found out a lot more stuff about the woman and we fell out again in January. I felt very disrespected as well as our kids and then I started to let him come back around this month after my kids said they were ready to see him again. I still wasn't ready but I preach forgiveness to my kids all of the time and they finally listened enough to want to see him. So I hold my composure so that my kids won't return to hating him for the pain that he caused me and our family because I don't want them to have hate in their hearts. And I am in therapy and I have just been trying to work on myself and I know that I can move on without him but the bigger picture is that I still would choose to have him instead of letting him go. But either way I know I will come out on the other side alright! I have my faith back in God! I am back aware of the mother that I am to my children and that they need and love me most of all! And I am healing up and getting better in my illness every week at my checkups. Hopefully after one more surgery and my wounds continue to heal and with a lot of physical therapy I will be able to walk again. So I know he would love to come back home because he is trying to be here all of the time and he wants to talk to me about his life, but this time around I refuse to lead him back around to admitting it. If he wants to come home and be with us he will have to put in the work to do so. And I also would demand for us to go to couples therapy as well as family therapy because he doesn't understand the damage that his leaving has done to our children and then to have they random woman put in their faces. All and all I just would prefer to have my family and the only man that I have ever loved by side. I mean call me a hopeless romantic I believe in soulmates and only being able to truly love 1 person ever in life at your hearts full capacity and he is and always will be it for me. Regardless of how it goes! Thanks for the Hope and the prayers and for the advice to keep on getting my feelings out on here... I absolutely need this group it has moved milestones for me...

Keep venting, i personally i would stay with limited
no contact as much As possible. No chit chat, nothing
personal. The Business at hand only. The financials
and the Children.

Send him an emails or texts, don't talk On the phone,

You are only setting yourself up if you do. You need
detachment not more Attachment to him. And some
very strong and healthy boundaries In place, HUGS

I agree with Mirandac. Nostalgia is only giving you the rope to hang yourself. You have a void and you want him to fill it, but he's not what you need right now. Besides, begging him back would be selfish and only benefit you, especially if his feelings are held up by someone else.

Ok well I absolutely stated that in no way shape or form will I beg for him to come back home. And if he is reaching out to me then obviously he doesn't truly have any feelings held up with someone else. But my number 1 focus will always be to continue my therapy and self help and to be a mother to my children before anything. And the only time that we do talk has been when he came over. And I talk to my therapist weekly about this and I do have boundaries set in place. We will always be a family even if it looks different right now. I do not talk about my personal business and I do not ask him about his. For me it was just great for us to be able to be together for our kids even if we never get back together. I have a very forgiving nature and I am not one to wish bad on people even after they have done the most mean things to me. I am very in touch with my reality but I am also very in touch with my feelings and if I can get some answers from him I will and my therapist encourages it... I won't get anywhere hiding myself away in a corner... Thanks so much for the advice but along with my therapist help I think I am moving in the right direction as long as I know my boundaries and my reality with him...