Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A year and a half ago I met someone wonderful online. She was everything I had been looking for. What's more, we both went into it with the right attitude. We took our time, slowly getting to know one and other. We didn't rush it, which was new for me.
We can sit on the couch together and not say a word and be completely comfortable. We can be in a room full of people, each off mingling on our own and glance at each other across the room saying I love you with only a glance. I adore her family and they have accepted me into it, something that I am not used to, coming from a dysfunctional family background.
...and I have to end the relationship and it's breaking my heart.
I'm 33, she is 36. She wants children and I don't.
As the relationship progressed we talked about kids and were honest with each other. She wanted them, and I was truly undecided and open to the possibility. Now that she will be 37 and does not have much time biologically left, I have had to seriously consider it. And the more I have thought about it, researched it, pondered both the positives and negatives, having children is not something I can bring myself to ever do.
I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy being able to work Monday-Friday and do whatever I want on the weekends. I enjoy the extra money I have and am able to save. I enjoy sleep. I enjoy not having to be responsible for a defenseless life (except for my cat). I also believe that the world is over populated as it is and generally a bad place.
Probably more than anything though, is that I have dealt with generalized anxiety and panic attacks since I was a teenager. I've been through the Hell that only someone who has been through it will understand. And I will never be the reason for another life going through that same torture.
Another reason, as many of you know firsthand, relationships often do end. Badly. I don't want to be one of those people who end up paying half their income to a child that they never see.
I don't know what I hoped to accomplish by saying all this. Maybe I just needed to get it out.
Thanks for reading.
We can sit on the couch together and not say a word and be completely comfortable. We can be in a room full of people, each off mingling on our own and glance at each other across the room saying I love you with only a glance. I adore her family and they have accepted me into it, something that I am not used to, coming from a dysfunctional family background.
...and I have to end the relationship and it's breaking my heart.
I'm 33, she is 36. She wants children and I don't.
As the relationship progressed we talked about kids and were honest with each other. She wanted them, and I was truly undecided and open to the possibility. Now that she will be 37 and does not have much time biologically left, I have had to seriously consider it. And the more I have thought about it, researched it, pondered both the positives and negatives, having children is not something I can bring myself to ever do.
I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy being able to work Monday-Friday and do whatever I want on the weekends. I enjoy the extra money I have and am able to save. I enjoy sleep. I enjoy not having to be responsible for a defenseless life (except for my cat). I also believe that the world is over populated as it is and generally a bad place.
Probably more than anything though, is that I have dealt with generalized anxiety and panic attacks since I was a teenager. I've been through the Hell that only someone who has been through it will understand. And I will never be the reason for another life going through that same torture.
Another reason, as many of you know firsthand, relationships often do end. Badly. I don't want to be one of those people who end up paying half their income to a child that they never see.
I don't know what I hoped to accomplish by saying all this. Maybe I just needed to get it out.
Thanks for reading.
If it makes you feel any better, I also think it was a bit (ok VERY) foolish of her to get involved with you in the first place...but that's on her, not you. You have been honest and that's all you can do!
I do have to say...just cause...women at 37 are not "biologically ticking", but I catch your drift. I also want to add, and yes I am taking it personally since I'm one of those divorced Moms, that "paying half an income for a child you don't see"...that only happens when the guy is an utter douchebag. Nobody points a gun at some guy's head and makes them not see their kids.
Via your opinions, and limitations on the matter, choosing to not have kids sounds like an excellent choice for you. You also remained in a relationship with her for 4 years, which I wish you had realized your limitations then, so she could have possibly found a man more in line with her goals.
I would let her down easy. As a woman, it would seem that you were "open", so you kept the flame alive, for 4 entire years...before deciding, NOPE. Remember, while you were "open", she was thinking there was a real possibility you would want kids.
Breaking up is hard, but know your truth. I've broken up with people where they refused to accept I wasn't interested in the relationship anymore, but to me, staying with someone when you don't want to, is worse.
Give her the opportunity to choose whether she wants you without kids, or wants the ability to meet someone who is in line with her dreams.
A year and a half is a drop in the bucket to end a relationship and start with someone new. I stand by my assertion to be fair and give her that opportunity, but 1.5 years is nothing compared to 4 years.