Yeah. I did a lot of work with my last partner, and I was finally settled in, looking forward to the future, and bam. Gone. Never saw it coming. I was devastated, had the same thoughts you are having now, and thought I would never ever find someone even close to them. Four months, and a lot of therapy later, I did. Someone even more amazing, and again, never saw that coming either. Patience. Just patience.

Babyrena, my heart is breaking for you. I know these feelings of absolute desolation. It's so hard in the early hours/days/weeks to put it all into context and remember what you deserve and remember all the goodness around you. I think it's OK for a short while to forget about all the good and focus on what just left. But you do see the good and it will return as the most paramount thing in your life over this man.

If I get into talking with you about this situation, I'm only going to open up a shitload of wounds I've been spending weeks trying to let heal myself. :) BUT...

I will say this...and you don't want to hear this now (cuz I know I didn't)... (1) this is NOT your last chance at love - you are shellshocked and perspecitve is not something you can get in this moment, but will in time. (2) don't focus on "I should be happy but I'm not," that is cancerous and only creates more anguish on top of what you've faced already, happy is a state of mind and you can't get there now ... and that is ok.... it will come in time, do NOT rush the process and go easy on yourself. (3) go crazy over the top and spend all the time you can with your kiddies, hugs and pampering them will be hugs and pampering for yourself. (4) You own your heart, no one else does.... it's yours at birth and until the day you die... it is yours, NOT his.. you must remember that and take it BACK now. (5) You're not clingy, you are reeling from a huge pain in your heart and life. In time you need to look deep inside and uncover the true essence of who you are and what you want and need. It's so hard to do that now, but in time you will realize you don't need someone that will walk away.

And finally, not knowing the details of course, I am nearly certain he is thinking of you too. People don't turn their feelings off like a switch. Many portray a sense of "I don't give a shit about YOU anymore", but they do care and they are wondering "what have I done" and they are working to move on and find what they need for themselves. Often it's selfish reasons they leave, but they weren't happy and the quicker we face that the better. Harsh words and awful behavior, to me, are signs they are trying to shut down and detach. The feelings remain inside, but the outward signs are just acting out. Rag doll? I sure hope not girl. In time when perspective is gained and you can look back at this objectively, all of these things you are feeling will appear different and present a different picture and the pain and suffering won't be so palpable.

I'm sorry to say however, just don't expect to feel better too soon. With deep love comes deep sorrow and HUGE amounts of healing and work on your part.

First Babyrena let me say you have my deepest sympathies for your situation. It's terrible to feel that displaced in your life. But I will tell you this - Before you start work on your last love, you should reacquire your first - YOURSELF. I understand you've invested so much in this person. I understand you've given him the best of what you have to offer. But unfortunately we can only control ourselves. Nothing else in life is ours to command. And so before you place too much value on others whom that control is not within your grasp, try and park that love first from within.

YOU have value. YOU have merit. And YOU can have a life full of happiness and contentment whether this other person is there or not. To love someone you must first love yourself. So don't roll yourself under the bus for this guy because he's being hardheaded. If he doesn't understand what he's missing, then he's the fool in this situation. And remember those kids need their mom. So your not just living for you, but for your children. You look around and count the blessings you DO have. I can see them from here.

Start looking within at all the good things you do. Start looking at all the good you do for your kids. And remember your the role model for those kids. They look up to you and see what you can accomplish. You just have to see it for yourself. Don't give up. Don't giver in. Life can be so hard. But it's worth the journey to find contentment when it comes. I fully believe you can reach that. It's within your grasp if you will only reach out for it. Until then, we are here to help you get there. Stay strong.

LTW, that avatar suits you perfectly. LOL!

thank you guys, somehow I will be able to move on, I just so hurt right now.
Gemini, tears are streaming down my face right now, that was so touching, and glad to know there are people out there who have gone through what im going through.

*sigh* now i dried my tears, (smile) Thank you LTW, and dumped, I feel like I took my first breath since he's been gone.
My children are angels, and I thank God every day they are there for me, last night my son cooked me a great stir fry, and my daughters did the dishes, while I was busy with laundry and cleaning my room.
Just sucks when those feelings of hoplessness sink in. My heart is like wrung out. and I feel like a square tire. clunk, clunk, clunk.....

Eventually you will get to the place where you don't "need" anyone else to feel whole. Kinda like who you were before you met your boyfriend/husband.