you are taking the right steps to make yourself better and over time it will be easyer. it took me over a year before i went no contact but i do feel better after just a few weeks of it than i have since well before we even seperated. i am so sorry that you miss her son. i am sure he misses you too and can't imagine the spot he is in right now.

"only" a week? thats no small feat. please dont minimize it. this process isnt for the weak. you are doing fine.
i worry about the holidays too - and its been 14 months for me. the holidays have always been hard for me tho, for many different reasons.
i think you need to think and feel however you need to think and feel. move thru it. thats how you get to the other side. i havent gotten to the point where i dont care 100% - but i am a lot better than i was this time last year. do you keep a journal? that helps me monitor my progress when i have really dark times.
yeah - the names thing was hard for me at first too - my exhusbands name - matt - is so common - i would look every time someone said it - like "where is he? is he here?" but he never was. it will get better. this isnt easy stuff.
go easy on y ourself. you are human. treat yourself to something nice for making it thru a week of no contact. a movie? make yourself your favorite meal? find a good book to read? celebrate. its highly worthy of it.
xoxo

dude,Ive talked to many many divorced people-here,in person,and in a couple of in-person divorce support groups and theyve all told me the weekends,in particular sundays are the roughest...so hang in there...I had my daughter this weekend (and her friend sleptover last night)we went to the rollerskating rink yesterday,then a pumpkinpatch/ridefest,movies,pizza,etc...even went to yardsales today for fun...and Ive been no contest(virtually e-mail only--and those 1 or 2 a month and mainly child issue related) and Ive been doing real good the last 6 weeks,but the last 2-3 sundays have had me a tad frustrated...hang in there..as far as the holidays..well you seem to know its going to be rough(and Im sure Im in for a test myself..)but lets try to start to address our fears/issues and try to be cool w/ourselves,aware but not just dwelling too bad...hey maybe for New Years,we can start anew with new resolutions and all of that stuff....you dont have to cure cancer just try to get through it...

wow. i totally didnt see the part about the son. your step son? i am sorry about that. i have a step daughter. i cant call her my exstepdaughter. i still have huge issues with the whole situation. from my understanding, if you are a step parent, we arent the only ones that are going thru this. sometimes, that provides me with a little comfort.
xoxo

Perhaps I can distract you while getting something off my chest at the same time.

Last night, we sat in his car for over an hour. We haven't been together for 3 years, but since I've moved to NYC, he and I have seen one another on occasion..

Anyway, while in the car, I wept openly. In all our years together, he had never really seen me cry more than maybe 3 times (two of which were because of the loss of a pet). Once the tears started, the words of honesty and vulnerability followed. All the pride, anger, and paralyzing fear that stood between me and my ability to properly express my emotions had vanished.

He was emotional about the past as well, but was pretty forthright about the present.. He just doesn't want a life with me like he once did.

It's been a pretty shitty weekend for me as well... but I shed many many many pent up tears. I"m exhausted and my head hurts, but I feel a little lighter tonight..

Maybe next weekend will be better for all of us. hugs.

Jim remember it is only a week since you asked her to not come back to work, so it is still really very early days into your recovery so to speak. Up until then you were not getting much time away from her. It had effectively prolonged the hurt and prevented any healing earlier.
But now hopefully the healing can start and the pain will hopefully start to ease as you manage to distract yourself with other activities etc. Each week should get a little better than the previous one.
Jim for the holidays - you have your own kids you need to focus on. Please don't short change them because of Cory and Matthew. They are the ones who deserve your full attention. At least thank heavens you have them.

I also have a stepdaughter. Not an ex stepdaughter. She's my other daughter. I would never call myself stepmother because it has a negative stereotype to it. So I'm her "other mother" She's going on 17 yrs old now and Ive had her since she was just one years old. I dont get to see her very much. Her birth mother wont let her see me as now that her father and I are divorced, we are no longer "family" according to her birth mom. I ran into a few weeks ago at the mall. She hugged me and she just held onto me. She told me how much she loved me and missed me. I told her I loved her too. I told once she turned 18, she was more than welcome to come stay with me if she ever wanted to. I do miss getting to see her every weekend. Now, Ive only seen her a small handful of times in the past 5 months.
I think we all wish our ex could feel our pain just so they can know how bad it feels. The names are also horrible. When my ex was in one of his affairs, I saw that whore's name everywhere. It was maddening. If I went to the store, the help would have the same name as her, license plates on cars had that name on them, tv shows would have characters with her name. That name was stinking everywhere.

Jim,

It's an incremental process you will have to move through one day at a time. As you already noticed, it's improving day by day, even if in tiny increments. Just keep at it. Each day, week and month will build on the previous.

Yeah, there will be shifts, even hour to hour, but hopefully it will be one step forward, maybe half a step backward followed by another step forward. Just as long as it continues to trend toward the positive...

And I do hear ya on the Holidays. My first date with my xgf was Halloween last year. Thanksgiving was great with her and her boys and Christmas was even better. Then there was my birthday in Feb and her boys' birthday in March.

The only thing I can think of is keep yourself busy, surround yourself with family and friends and focus on you and your children. You and your children deserve that much.

Sending Peace and Happiness your way during the upcoming Holidays! :-)

I could not get through the days if not for all of you that have teken the time to comfort me. I hate taking attention away from others who may need it more than me but sometimes just knowing that I matter helps me.

I will keep working to maintain No Contact and in time, I am sure we all will heal.

If anyone ever needs a friend, 24/7, I am here for you as well.

Take Care,
Jim Colacino