Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I hate him...

trishthe8
trishthe8
At least I think I do. Actually no I do. I hate him. I'm home after a long day forcing myself into my work all day to try to not cry too much. I had to drag myself out of bed to the office this morning. Barely sleeping, haven't slept through the night since "it" happened. And when I think about it he's probably sleeping like a baby. It makes me feel so stupid. Then it's Thursday it's normally our date night so tonight is especially tough but I can't seem to stop thinking that he's probably spending it with her. So who the heck was I?? Idk. I'm confused sad angry hurt.

I actually saw a picture of her when I went through his text messages & she's not even cute. At least if you're going to cheat upgrade me. Have her at least be more attractive. On one hand I'm like well at least I know she's not better looking or younger than I am and if she is younger then she's doing something wrong because she definitely doesn't look it. But then on the other hand I'm like damn. How could he cheat with that? So there must be something wrong with me then.

I know sometimes when you're with a person for along time things can become routine so sometimes it just feels good to have a change but if you love someone don't you stick around? Don't you fight to have that change together?? Maybe my perception of love is fantasy. Maybe everyone is messed up. Maybe there is no such thing as monogamy.
jstcyn
jstcyn
WOW besides the seeing the OW in a text which OMG I don't know how I would be able to handle that. I could copy and paste as a post as my feelings!

I did have the other phone he was hiding and seen a few text but then I threw it at him that night of the break up. I wish I would have read them all!!! Hell I might have see her then or who knows what! ugh I might have die too but I regret not looking at them. It comes in my head and I think damn why didn't I read more before confronting him!

I wish I had all the answers. Ha. I wish we were past the pain and the feeling of our worlds are gone, upside down, or pure hell....
broken234
broken234
Reading all the messages doesn't really make you feel better. Believe me. I think it prolongs your healing. Keeps you in the past and not looking to a future without the person that hurt you. The OW in my husbands life is not pretty, less classy, swears all the time and my husband speaks poorly of her, so why is he still with her? I had a realization today....It's not about her. Your husband may think it is about her, but it's not. It about him. She showed him some attention, something that he thought that he was missing. She is not better, prettier, or any combination of anything better than you. You cannot compare yourself with the OW. Because it is not about her and what she has that you don't. It is about your ex and his F'd up logic, mind, thinking, whatever. It is his fault. Nothing is wrong with you because he cheated with someone less attractive than you. Its not about you either. Don't let him blame you for his affair. It's a choice, and your ex made it. His fault alone.
loosingthebattle
loosingthebattle
Thanks broken. my story and feelings the same. except even though he commented about sexual activities with his friend, feels totally good in claiming neither has done anything wrong because they never had sex and he's never touched another woman. but he had in his mind and over & over, you don't mention bending someone over your desk 5 times a day and even I'm not that nave to believe the words of "I've never thought of her that way" I admitted to wondering about being with someone too, but totally unrealistic married celebrities that were good family men and husbands.
but I too get caught up in the mind game of I must be the guilty one as well.
kkbon19
kkbon19
I had the misfortune of finding nude pictures of the ow-full frontal with her big stupid smile. I literally almost threw up. He was STILL saying they didn't have sex. He didn't admit that until he got back together with me. And I forgave him. And he is doing it again. We are getting a divorce but I still feel the exact same things you are going through-she is not intelligent, not ugly but no better than me for sure, but she spends her time liking everything her current male of interest likes-she even confessed to starting to like tomatoes after "dating" my husband...seriously. She is shallow and fake and she "dated" my husband's best friend, including while he was married but separated. All she has that I don't have is she can fake being any man's dream, so the truth is she is no one's. I at least know who I am and now I know what I deserve and it's not what I wasted 15 years on. Ugh. Sorry for the rant, and thank you for sharing this. I think I needed to vent about it too...all of us are of value. Today I was grateful for what happened because it has really made me want to be a better woman, and part of that is learning to love myself and what I have to offer that is uniquely me.