Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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JustASimpleGuy 12/25/2011

I honestly thought I put my xgf behind me, and I think for the most part I have. But something about the holidays. Last year from Thanksgiving through New Years was the best holiday season I had in a Very Long time.

Yesterday was particularly tough. I even broke down and tried to call the xgf just to wish her and her boys a Merry Christmas. Big mistake, she has my numbers blocked.

That really hit hard. It just opened the old wound and brought back the confusion and lack of closure.

Even though I know she lacks compassion and empathy, it still feels like I must have done something terrible for her to react so harshly.

patti22 12/25/2011

From what you've said, I don't get the idea that she picks her partners based on integrity....

Hugs.

deleted_user 12/25/2011

It's amazing isn't it, how our ex's lack of kindness can be of help to us.

I'm glad you weren't able to talk to her. I suspect the pain you're feeling in her rejection of you just phoning her, will be sharper but shorter than if you had actually spoken to her.

Maybe I'm just basing that on my own experience, but I know if I got any kind of communication from my exS, I'd be a wee bit of a mess.

This Christmas, your sense of peace in your life, really, has remained intact. Her decision helped you keep it that way.

(((hugging your hurtin heart)))

JustASimpleGuy 12/25/2011

Thanks for the hugs ladies! Right back at ya patti & JoyRide!! :-)

Of course you're right about her not taking my calls is good for me. If she would have taken my call it would have been much worse. Once she gets going it's almost as if she can't help herself. And that goes in both directions, good or bad. Think emotional dysregulation combined with all or nothing thinking. At least that's the only way I can really describe it.

I'm sure I'll be back to normal in a week or two or three.

deleted_user 12/25/2011

Please don't feel like you did anything terrible---she only blocked you to cover her feelings of guilt--- it has nothing to do anything you did. You have a big heart and there is a special someone out there who will appreciate it and love you the way you deserve to be loved.

deleted_user 12/25/2011

Hey JASG, I'm with ya a bit on the slide. I emailed a Christmas greeting with no reply. The no-contact was her rule and she's sticking to it. I think it's their guilt they are hiding from. It's hard to face the person who reminds them of it. All the emotinal fog of rationalization doesn't completely cover the knowledge in their heart that they slaughtered a heart. If only we could be erased from the world and their memories they could rest in peace. I'm sure your ex is struggling to keep you out of her thoughts and not completely succeeding.

A Christmas hug to ya, sir ((hug)).

JustASimpleGuy 12/25/2011

Thanks rorschachsgirl & ignited!!

It really doesn't matter what her motivations are. I was silly for attempting to send a cheery Christmass greeting to her and the boys.

Any possible outcome would have been bad. Blocked, Ignored, acknowledged or something warmer (probably would have been the worst possible outcome).

As JoyRide said, and now that I think about it, this was probably the best outcome. It protects me from a more profound hurt.

patti22 12/25/2011

The roller coaster of emotions is the worst. But the biggest dips come in the beginning, slowly they get better in time.

I hope that you can put this behind you a bit and enjoy the day.

deleted_user 12/25/2011

There is nothing silly about sending christmas cheer, JustASimpleGuy! I want to pass some cheer your way and wish you a Merry Christmas! At least I don't feel so alone knowing there are other of us broken hearted spending Christmas day on this forum! Maybe the no contact truely was the best holiday gift your guardian angel could have given you this year! Lots of hugs!!

deleted_user 12/25/2011

Hugs, JASG.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas, and a superbly happy and healthy 2012.

deleted_user 12/25/2011

I almost called my ex this morning. I thought I was going to be working today but got put on call. It's hard and wish I was at work. I'm doing a little better now.

JustASimpleGuy 12/25/2011

Agreed patti. I'm feeling a lot better today and even better now than I was this morning.

I was thinking I might have been set back weeks and weeks, but it looks like it might just be a very short dip.

And to everyone in this thread I wish a Very Merry Christmas!

Thoughts of Love & Peace beaming out your way!

deleted_user 12/25/2011

oh well simpleguy ,glad to hear youre better...earlier this week I too tried to contact my ex(hoping for some closure) after a conversation w/her sister and a conversation w/ a family friend.....it wasnt holiday related,,,just thought we could have a adult conversation to clear the air,wish each well,etc....well once she realized the call wasnt related to my daughter...she hung up (angrilly?)...me?lesson learned ...I think what she told the family friend(her guilt ,pain and reasons) is all I will ever get...and thats gonna have to be ok...

deleted_user 12/25/2011

Yea. A few days ago I professed to making a stand. I dipped. He responded, but then I responded times ten. The fact that I have chosen to drink all day since my kids have gone with their dad isn't probably the best thing I could have done...but. I'm human. And I feel pretty awesome currenly...but... what can you do??? Oops. (Hiccup) ; )

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