Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am so frustrated. My ex has decided that he wants to buy my 17yo a car now that she has her license. BUT, he doesnt want to pay the insurance. He expects me to do so, since he pays me child support. I just added her to my insurance policy as a driver (without a car), and my policy doubled. I inquired last night, and adding a car for her would TRIPLE where my policy was before she had her license. It would be nearly as much as a car payment on a brand new vehicle. She doesnt have a job because shes so involved in extracurricular activities, and I dont want her to give those up.
I should mention that she lives with me. In the year that weve been living apart, she has slept at his place ONE time. She goes out to eat with him maybe twice a month, and other than a few text exchanges each week, this is the extent of their contact. When Ive encouraged him to be more involved, he claims that he doesnt want to interfere with her busy schedule. Yes, shes busy but he could come to her activities Shes in community theatre. He could come by her rehearsals, take her to rehearsals, etc. We have a parenting plan but she is 17, and when she spends time with him she always ends up coming home disappointed or upset over something insensitive he says to her. So, I dont push it. She has a home with me.
So, he took her car shopping without running it by me first, so he got her hopes up. When his financing fell through on the first deal, she came home in tears and I thought the issue was done. But, hes been shopping around and found a different deal, but wants the car in MY name (because its a convertible) and he wants ME to insure it. I have never been much of a proponent of a child having a car of their own unless they have the means to put gas in it on their own and pay at least part of the insurance premium neither of which is she prepared to do. So, now, when he breaks the news to her that I am not willing to pay the insurance, so she cant get a car, it is ME who gets to be the BAD GUY. Not looking forward to THAT after work today.
He told me last night that he Effing (insert real profanity) pays me enough money each month that I have no room to complain and should be able to get her anything she wants. Followed by a lovely b-word. When I try to explain that child support is for her necessary expenses, like a small portion of my rent, electricity, her cell phone (which is outrageous), the insurance I already pay, food, clothing, toilet paper, shampoo, money to hang out with her friends, her theatre expenses and gas for commuting to and from her rehearsals, etc. etc., he just gets pissed and hangs up on me. He is not rational.
So, this morning I texted him explaining that I have a safe car she can borrow that is insured, and that I am not able or willing to take on a higher premium. I told him that if he wants to buy her a car, I will not stop him, but that it has to be all him. I dont want it in my name, and I wont take on the added insurance. Ive not heard back, but I anticipate that he will tell her that I blew the deal, and I will have to sweep up her broken heart yet again.
Sorry for the long rant, I am just SO frustrated and needed to vent.
I should mention that she lives with me. In the year that weve been living apart, she has slept at his place ONE time. She goes out to eat with him maybe twice a month, and other than a few text exchanges each week, this is the extent of their contact. When Ive encouraged him to be more involved, he claims that he doesnt want to interfere with her busy schedule. Yes, shes busy but he could come to her activities Shes in community theatre. He could come by her rehearsals, take her to rehearsals, etc. We have a parenting plan but she is 17, and when she spends time with him she always ends up coming home disappointed or upset over something insensitive he says to her. So, I dont push it. She has a home with me.
So, he took her car shopping without running it by me first, so he got her hopes up. When his financing fell through on the first deal, she came home in tears and I thought the issue was done. But, hes been shopping around and found a different deal, but wants the car in MY name (because its a convertible) and he wants ME to insure it. I have never been much of a proponent of a child having a car of their own unless they have the means to put gas in it on their own and pay at least part of the insurance premium neither of which is she prepared to do. So, now, when he breaks the news to her that I am not willing to pay the insurance, so she cant get a car, it is ME who gets to be the BAD GUY. Not looking forward to THAT after work today.
He told me last night that he Effing (insert real profanity) pays me enough money each month that I have no room to complain and should be able to get her anything she wants. Followed by a lovely b-word. When I try to explain that child support is for her necessary expenses, like a small portion of my rent, electricity, her cell phone (which is outrageous), the insurance I already pay, food, clothing, toilet paper, shampoo, money to hang out with her friends, her theatre expenses and gas for commuting to and from her rehearsals, etc. etc., he just gets pissed and hangs up on me. He is not rational.
So, this morning I texted him explaining that I have a safe car she can borrow that is insured, and that I am not able or willing to take on a higher premium. I told him that if he wants to buy her a car, I will not stop him, but that it has to be all him. I dont want it in my name, and I wont take on the added insurance. Ive not heard back, but I anticipate that he will tell her that I blew the deal, and I will have to sweep up her broken heart yet again.
Sorry for the long rant, I am just SO frustrated and needed to vent.
A safe car that is already insured?? Absolutely.
Let the ex pick out a car and put it in your name??? HELL NO.
Not only would you be paying for the insurance, but if he didn't pay cash for it, you could get stuck with paying for the car as well.
NEVER do something like that!!!!
What a jerk, too try and stick you with it all, then make you look like the bad guy.
If the car is paid for in full and in your name, you could sell it. Then buy a cheaper one and use the remainder to pay insurance. Would teach him a lesson.
Have you considered having a sit-down chat with your 17 year-old with pen and paper in hand? Write down all the associated costs in having a car ... gas, insurance premium, maintenance, emergency repairs, AAA card in case of emergencies and show it to her in black and white.
Inform her that having a car = financial responsibilities -- her own. Did you ask your 17 year-old how she plans to cover all these costs associated with having her own vehicle? If she really wants this, she will have to adjust her life and chosen activities to work enough on a consistent regular schedule to pay all these typical costs.
Skip the discussion with the ex and speak openly, lovingly and calmly with your 17 year-old about what she's willing to give up and do to have her own car. Also explain that if she starts off taking care of her end and changes her mind about being financially responsible, she cannot drive it and it must be sold. Explain to her that there are consequences to choices and actions.
I would leave it in her hands to decide if she's willing to go the extra mile to have her very own mode of transportation.