Just talking about stuff sometimes helps. But when you get such positive feedback....that's what makes friendships the best! {{{Hugs}}} I hope you feel better & better!

Trust me, that is your first step to feeling better. Sometimes our partners (knowingly and unknowingly) make us feel guilty for their failures and faults. They project their shortcomings in life unto us. You do then get to a stage where you think that your troubles are normal, or for some extend you deserve to live like you do. And the worst , absolute worst thing you can do is to keep this bottled up. This site was my saving grace as I can talk to other people here and figure out what is right, what is wrong and how to go about changing it. Please don't ever feel guilty for talking to somebody who wants to help you. Even if they can't help, they can listen and that in itself makes a difference. I really hope you feel better and that your situation can change. (big hug)

What attracted you to this person to begin with?

Was he always this way?

I'm just curious, because the relationship I just got out of, while there was initial attraction obviously, as soon as i realized the extent of his insecurity and controlling, I bailed. Im not interested in changing anyone else and anyone who tries to change me is barking up the wrong tree.

People just choose to live their lives differently. It doesn't bother some people if their car is full of garbage or the washer isn't hooked up.

Whatever. But was he always like this?

Once I noticed my recent ex was someone who couldn't sit still for an hour and hated it when I could just sit and read a book, I knew we were incompatible.

I'm just wondering why you were with him to begin with.

He went from living with his mom to moving in with me. Our first house never looked like this and all our "mechanicals" were always in working order. He also worked... all the time... to the point where it started to interfere in our relationship. We moved into our second home together and, again, always in good shape and always with working everything. Shortly after moving in there, it started to go downhill. I don't know what made him start being such a slob and so lazy. We went from both working about 60 hours a week to him not being employed for going on 6 years now. We lost our lost house (I couldn't pay everything with my check only) and moved into the house we are now. The house we moved into (and live in) is way out in the country (like he wanted) but needed work (like air conditioner, remodeling, appliances, etc). The thing is, he's never done the work. None of it. I have no dishwasher. I have no working stove. I cook on a griddle and a toaster oven. I have a great washer and dryer... that he's never hooked up because the plumbing needs fixed. On top of all this, his stuff is EVERYWHERE. My kitchen is full of his stuff. Family room? Full. Laundry room... Full. Front and backyards... FULL. And what does he do when I go to work all day? Sit on his ass in his recliner and watch tv. So no, I didn't go into this marriage knowing that it would be like this because he wasn't like this before. And I never thought I could change him because, at the time, there wasn't anything to change. Now? Now my belief that people truly don't/can't change is why I want to leave. He'll never do the work. He'll never get another job. He'll never help around the house. He only does what he wants to do and nothing more. And I deserve a hell of a lot better than this.

Oh... and did I forget to mention that my husband is a CONTRACTOR? So everything that needs done around this house is stuff he knows how to do. He just won't do it... nor will he allow me to hire someone else to do it.

3 cuties that sounds painful and very depressing way to live.
Take care of yourself and your children, stay safe and sane.
HUGS