Well you say there is no communication but then say you talk and argue and fight everyday..? With your ex..? Why are you talking with your ex? I'm not getting that...? Do you share children?

I think perhaps you mean there is no communication aside from the arguing? I can relate to what you say about how mean you get...I do the same thing. It seems as though you may be having a hard time letting go of a situation that isn't good for you and I can relate 100%. Had I fully let go of my ex four months ago I wouldn't still ne hurting this bad and I certainly wouldn't have so much built up anger. When I hurt I take it out on everyone in my life and it's not fair to anyone around me.

Its never easy to care about someone and know they don't care as much about you. Its easy to be caught up in the little cycle of trying to be nice and hoping to regain something and then immediately realizing its not there anymore. I get caught up in that cycle too. Times like this is when I have to let myself to take a step back and remember why we are no longer together. Stepping away is not going to make things worse, it will actually make things easier. I know its hard to see that when you are in the middle of a whirlwind of emotions.

So last night, he sent me a very long text. I apologized for my behavior and choice of words. I felt so bad about what I said, I was crying and I left him a voicemail and I think he felt how sorry I was. I love him and I know he still loves me. There's so much care or we wouldn't still be trying to keep each other in our lives. He wouldn't be driving 2 hours to see me. Its all very complicated and one major thing that pushes me away and doesn't let me try is my religion and knowing my family won't allow me to be with him and being afraid of regretting this later on in the future. He is 35 and still trying to get his life together and there's more important things that needs to be focusing on than me especially when we live 2 hours away, he said that. Also, my family doesn't know i still talk to him. But its so unfair! My brother is still living with his gf even though they canceled the wedding and he still holds on but I had to let go when we broke up, its very unfair. Every time he comes to see me, we have to drive at least 40 mins away to not be seen together. ugh, its like life is going against this relationship and to top it off, religion is a big barrier and my anger management. He still wants to take me somewhere I wanted to go for my birthday when I can even after all the hateful things I said last night. I know some may not understand and I may not be explaining it very well but in another world where life was a little easier, we would be happily married but unfortunately, life just sucks and people are hypocrites and religion pushes people away instead of bringing them closer.

I wish mine would communicate with me, Im in pieces waiting for the phone to ring or text, Since he suddenly walked out to spend the weekend on Friday with another woman. I have never been so shocked, hurt, emotionally broken. I still love then man so much and want my life back. His daughter has said he will be collecting his things tomorrow. I have spent the whole day packing up his stuff, our life together for the last 12years and I don't want tomorrow to happen.

andreataxi I'm so sorry. I bet that's just heart breaking. Life can be a bitch a lot of times. Maybe you shouldn't be home tomorrow.

ninetyone, I am so sorry you are going through this seemingly impossible time. I would love to know more about the issues the two of you face...what is the religion, and what are the barriers that exist between your religion and his? How old are you both? What is the family dynamic? Meaning, are you the eldest, middle, youngest? How long have you been together?