I know what your going thru. I left my husband last Sept and drove 6 hrs away and lived in a shelter for 2 months. The loneliness has been terrible and it has drove me to make some bad choices that I am now paying for. I agree about the friends telling you "time heals". They don't have a clue how you feel.
They can't walk in your shoes and everybody's story is a little different. I had started going to a divorce group at church, it was so depressing that I stopped going. Also, my friends have asked me if Ive "put myself out there". I don't believe in social media and dating sites. I'm a very private person. I too wish to be married again, although I had to file for divorce because my soontobe-ex wouldn't do anything and 6 months have gone by. I decided at the 6 month mark, it was time. I do believe he will make things hard for me.
My ex ruined my relationship with my daughter and his son. He isolated me away from everything I knew and ruined the relationships I had with his family. Now when I look back, I think this is what he had planned so I would no support system.
I am taking things 1 day at a time. My advice to you (after making mistakes),
don't rush into anything. Be ok with being by yourself. I did all the wrong things and now I feel I must start the process over in order to heal myself and get my head straight. I have hope for you and I. I believe we will and deserve to be treated with mutual respect and love. Just don't settle, even if it takes a little while longer. And by the way, I'm terrible with patience, but I'm learning.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing a season in your life where you desire a partner. There's is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that. In the waiting, I hope you decide on the support group. Wanting something so badly and being alone w/those feelings and thoughts can often cause the lies to become louder and can begin to outweigh was is actually true. I believe God wants to give us what we desire. I remember after my divorce my coworker gave me a verse to keep close to heart. Psalm 37:4, 7. I didn't understand it but overtime, I just began to write down all the things I'd hope to do (now that I was single) and take my focus off being alone for the first time in my adult life. It was an eye opener for me. I had gifts and talents that I'd never allowed to surface and I began exploring those as well as meeting new people along the way. I started going to women conferences, library events, visiting seniors and various other places just to make connections and be in the presence of other people. The biggest surprise was when this introverted person (me) decided to start exploring concerts, movies and lunches all by myself. It became an adventure for me. This may not help you at all, but I hope you see that you will not be alone as you put the "thought" of being alone aside. I hope you get your heart's desire but in the mean time, explore, enjoy and see who out there may need something that you have to offer now that you are unattached and may have time that you wouldn't normally have if you were married. I will be praying that discernment and wisdom will abound in this season of singleness.

Thank you both. I appreciate your words.

Here's the thing for me - I go to the movies, out to breakfast, lunch, dinner, the spa, the mall, sit by the water - alone. And I enjoy it. I know myself, I love myself. I've grown and I've learned. I have more in 3 years without him than I did in the 20 years with him. I have a real savings account, a car, just bought a new house, I have things, my relationships with my children are getting better, I have a really good job... but at the end of the day I have no one to share my good, bad and indifferent times with. I miss not being able to have simple conversations, not having simple companionship. It hurts to be in my new home alone. I don't purposely dwell on being single. It's just there. More often than not I'm okay but there are times when it just slaps me in the face. Time doesn't heal wounds and at times I still hurt from the past. It would just be really nice to finally have someone true and honest and who cares about me to share my pain with. I've tried support groups in the past and they never worked. I always end up teaching the class or being pulled into some kind of leadership role helping everyone else while I'm still hurting. I love God, I see his many blessings on my life and I am grateful and appreciate them all but I'm human. I need companionship too. I've met some real jerks and I have people who keep insisting that I try online dating but that's not for me. That's not what I want. As I said more often than not I'm fine but at times like now, being single is just overwhelming and I don't like it. I swear I want to slap the next person who says I'm beautiful and strong and wonderful and so special - cause I always end up with the question of then why am I still alone???

I hope you truly get what you're desiring and I also hope in the “waiting” this is God’s way of protecting you and preparing him.

Thank you. That's what I've been thinking - in the moments that clear thoughts come. I've been telling myself those exact words, that God is protecting me, hiding me for a reason and preparing him. Your words are exactly my thoughts. The waiting is really something though. I was so focused on getting out of the abuse that I truly never considered the aftermath of trying to live a normal life when I did finally leave. I guess it's just as well because knowing all that I would face probably would of kept me in that circle of abuse. Anyway, whoever he turns out to be I know he'll be something special and real because God is just that awesome and I'm a handful too so he has to be on his p's and q's LOL. Thank you so much. I do feel better. I think visiting this site was a good idea. Be blessed.

It seems your biggest conflict is with yourself. Maybe it's time to step back from the ministry. Naturally that role in and of itself requires you be held to a higher standard. People forget youre human too. It's hard to make friends in your role because people don't see you they see your title and seek consel not friendship from you. You may need to be a member of the congregation for a while. So you can relax and not feel your every movement is under a microscope

No, I have no conflict with myself. Ministry is not the issue - I teach, preach, pray, counsel - I do what's needed and required of me in ministry. I do what others need me to do for them when they have needs. Seeking help for myself in a support group is the issue when I arrive and instead of being helped I'm asked to lead and support the group. And I go to groups outside of where I live without telling people that I'm a minister. I'm always asked to be a leader, so I stopped going. But again, what' I'm dealing with right now is living my life as a single woman and trying to develop friendships and a sincere relationship with a significant other whenever that happens.

I'd keep going to the group meetings, just decline the offer to lead. If a group seems imperfect, resist the urge to step in and guide it or whatever you had been doing. Just let it be. Just take from it what you need. It's more important that you recharge yourself than help every single person who you feel needs help.

I’m not asking for advice. What I needed was understanding and support that I have not gotten. There is no urge to step in. I am always ASKED to step into leadership roles in support groups where I go to get help for myself. I constantly decline and still continue to be asked until I have no choice but to leave. Nothing is perfect and I don’t expect it to be. I can’t get what I need when I’m constantly being pulled on in the places that I’m seeking help from for myself. I minister to those in need at the times that I am supposed to and needed to. There has been no place for me as a minister to get the support that I need. And again there was a specific reason that was on my mind- being single and trying to move on and deal with that through this period that I am alone. Unless anyone has specific and clear understanding on that nothing else is helpful.

Just.....wow. Your response to people trying to be kind and helpful is a bit abrasive. You will be hard pressed to find another divorced minister looking to date and find friends on these boards with whom you can exactly relate. What you can find here are people from all walks of life, all genders, all socio-economic statuses who have been divorced (or ending relationships), are considering divorce or are in the midst of it, are lonely, are looking for romance or friendship and are trying to rebuild their lives. Many offer great advice and opinions and share how they deal with their struggles. Personally I try to take from each post what fits into my life. No one has been exactly through my situation either, that doesn't mean they're not helpful to me.

Being single while desiring a relationship is difficult. I was single for many years before I was remarried. And I went through all kinds of emotions during those times. It sounds like you are doing things you enjoy which is great. Have you thought about joining groups/clubs/meetups where you can meet and make new friends? That might be a place where you won't be pushed to use your leadership skills, but can just relax and have fun, and hopefully meet some friends to help make the world a less lonely place during this period of your life.

So sorry that you are going thru a rough time but as a Christian, I know that you know that we do go thru seasons in this journey of ours. We can have heart's desires and that is okay but in God's timing is how they happen. Are you working? Can you do some volunteer work? I found for myself that I just needed to "get out there" in other ways......join a bible study, a nutrition group, a gym.....whatever appeals to you. A mentor friend once told me, that when I feel lonely, get on the phone and call someone and minister to them...help them with their need. It takes your mind off yourself and puts it on someone else. Can you use this time of singleness to pull closer to the Lord? He will guide and lead you to new friends and new interests. Jer 29:11 was always special to me......His plan for you is for good ....to prosper you.........I will be praying for you, my sister.......