I don't know why but the past couple days I feel like I'm doing worse than I was before. On Saturday I had to talk to my soon to be ex about the divorce. The logistics about everything. That was all we talked about. It was a civil conversation no fighting, we came to agreement about some mutual finances before lawyers get involved. I know I probably can't rely on a word he says about it unless it's in writing, but a part of me wishes I could still trust him. I found out he moved, I knew he was seeing at he had until Feb 28th at our old place together. Now someone is living in our old place. I told him I would need his new address eventually, even though he probably wouldn't want me to, so I could him him served and keep his work out of it. His response was " why wouldn't I want you to know my address?" Why would he? It confuses me, I don't hear from him at all and then it's like he thinks one day we might be friends? Or maybe he just is trying to not be an asshole. I don't know. I found out he is living in the heart of Boston. Figures, I am up to my eye balls in debt from him and our life together struggling to get 2 feet on the ground, living at my parents house for the past month plus some and he moved into the city. I can't believe it, makes me upset still thinking about it. He hates living in this state, he always wanted to move out is Massachusetts when we were together. So many damn fights about him wanting to love back to New York or New Orleans or anywhere but Boston. And I told him this was my home I grew up here I love it. He asked me what my plan was, I told him I didn't want him to know ( even though I don't really have one yet except try to get it to a point that I can move out financially.) He didn't understand why I didn't want to tell him where I was going and what I was doing. I told him it just makes it much easier knowing he DOESNT know what I am doing. I did wish him a happy birthday that is coming up this week, as well as his sister. But now, all I can do is think about calling him. I hadn't heard from him at all in about 2 weeks and the one time before that it was 2 weeks prior to that. I am still so devistated about everything. I try and tell myself I'm not, and when I don't hear from him I can almost trick myself into thinking I don't love him anymore, that I'm doing okay and I'll even be better off without him. But then I hear his voice and I know I still do. Now all I want to do is ask him who he is living with, is it your new reLationship? Is this why you left without a warning or even an idea of how unhappy you were a little over a month ago? how can he afford it, he couldn't afford helping me pay our rent on time, or groceries, or his parking tickets, but he can afford that rent????does he miss me the way I miss him, does he think of me? All the questions I ask myself that I can't ask him. The questions that drive me crazy thinking about that I know I don't even want to hear the answers to. In just a 15 minute conversation that was mostly talking about our divorce, all the work I've been doing to better myself to get over him it's like it is pointless. Then I just obsess to myself and cry about him our failed marriage and the fact that I still love him and he appears to have completely moved on, in a little over a month. This is so incredibly difficult for me to deal with. Every day I have to force myself to just go through the motions. I work, go to the gym, go to therapy, but it's something I force myself to do because if I don't I will sit there and cry and obsess about him, the man I love who most likely is not even thinking about me. I just don't understand how now I feel like I'm right back at the first day that he left.