Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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I dont get it

jferdig732
jferdig732

we married, I fell in love, real love. 2 years in she tells me she is having an affair, i go to our pastor i talk, we pray. he shows me a few things in scripture and a couple videos on choices and forgivess. I decide to forgvie and stay. And really kinds forgot out life was growing so wonderfully. 5 more years i cheat, and go through some of my own self inflicted trauma and become severly depressed. What happens she leaves. WTF ?? we have been divorced 1737 days and i bet i have cried 1500 of them. What happen to for better or worse and death do us part. I can not take this life. My son asks me why cant we live together like a real family? all i can do is excuse myself a minute and go cry in the bathroom then comback and tell him sometimes mommys and daddies have trouble living together. I dont blame her, i caused the situation. but SHE left me. 

MemphisWH
MemphisWH
It sounds like you are holding onto guilt, shame, remorse, regret, and resentment.

You "forgave" her, so why cant you "FORGIVE" yourself?
Sounds like a one way street. You can walk all over me but I cant walk all over you.
What she did was wrong, and she knows it, but you were not going to leave because of pride, publicity, Christianity, faith and the idea of love.
Did you really forgive? or did you feel entitled to cheat? Are you hurting because you cheated and got caught? Did you cheat because you allowed yourself the weakness of another person listening to your damage without giving that hurt to God and trusting him?
You cheated you cant change that, What you can change is how you see yourself, why does your EX wife hold your value and self worth in her hands, I imagine she has moved on.
Do you love yourself as God loves you? Do you forgive yourself as God forgives you?
Have you turned yourself into a witness and beacon to other men who are suffering as you suffered and helping them through difference times? Do you reach out to your married friends and talk to them? Are they thinking the same thoughts that you did before you cheated?
Yes, you choose to cheat for many reasons none of them made it better.
Find some strong support groups, Go to places where people will listen to your hurt and help you.
You can not heal yourself without God and trusting God, loving God, Loving yourself and then trusting yourself.
If you do not have a routine to heal yourself, focus on yourself, become a better person, then get one.

I pray you are safe and healthy.
Bella1212
Bella1212
It's going to take a long time to heal and forgive yourself and work on yourself. I think Memphis above really said some really good support things. Work on yourself even if it means therapy and getting support here but I think you also need to come together with your ex-wife and do the best parenting you can do and make the kids feel really safe and try to be able to co-parent together hugs.
TheRoad
TheRoad
I don't think I would have stayed after her affair. That's a lot of trust broken. I know, water under the bridge. How can you say, "5 years go by, and I cheat". That's pretty matter of fact, like some sort of she cheated, and I waited 5 years to take my turn, and she leaves, how can she do that? She can do that because she isn't going to tolerate the things you did, just because 5 years ago, you tolerated her things. Why did you cheat? The kid wants to know why you can't live together like a real family? Own it. Not sure how you tell a child you cheated, but something like Daddy was an idiot, something along those lines. Then you can start healing.