My wife and I have been through a rough few years. We hit six years recently and were separated briefly 18 months ago, but worked things out. Through all the tough times we have been having deep down I never stopped loving her. However, for the past six months things have really begun to change for me and I don't think I love her anymore. Our daily bickering has worn on me. At least once every couple of weeks we end up in huge screaming match over some perceived slight she thinks I gave her or me not doing something that she says "all husbands should do." A lot of times I honestly thinks she just likes to fight, argue and denigrate me in front of whomever happens to be around - whether its friends, family or complete strangers. Our friends get uncomfortable around us because we always are fighting and even when I point out how its ridiculous and that other people see, she'll tell me privately those people aren't us and don't know what we go through and who we are - essentially f what they say. We got into it again the other night and I just had it, I told her I wanted a divorce and she began to cry. Then she switched to arguing yet again and I got so angry and cursed at her and she told me if I wanted to go then go......here's the next thing though. I start packing a bag and getting some stuff together and she begins to freak out like she didn't expect to actually go and says we need to talk and work this out. We went back and forth between talking and arguing for another hour - at this point its almost 3 am. She even used my 18 year old stepson who is now in college and essentially has a life of his own and our two nephews who live in TX far from us - whom I love but only see once a year not counting Skype and reasons why I shouldn't leave and why its "not about me" and that it is "selfish" to leave. Then
she asks me if I love her anymore.....I told her that I don't think I did. She was devastated and started to cry and went to our room - I think she called our friend in the process and told her because I could hear her talking to someone. I couldn't find the car keys and wasn't going to knock on her door to ask so I just went up to the guestroom to sleep a few hours - because I was so exhausted due to the late hour - and then leave in the morning when I could get my keys. She came upstairs around 630 am crying and saying again we could work things out and began essentially begging me to stay. She began naming things she would stop doing because she knew I didn't like them. I was taken aback and sat and listened and said we will try a little more. She has been very nice and pleasant and has been really a joy to be around these last few days - but I haven't felt anything different. I think that the flame of love I once had for her is gone and that if it hasn't come back soon I should and need to break her the news that I'm going. I'm really at a loss because I don't want to hurt her but I'm not happy and feel I need to move on. I need a little advice.