Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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onedayatatimeforme 01/29/2017

Greetings to all, My recent post was about my stbx asking to return home and go to therapy and parenting classes, as my attorney said it is a good idea to agree but I can disagree as the kids are 16 years old and 20 years old. Our older son is in college and still lives at home and he helps with his brother so I can work. Well the update is the past few days stbx has been calling my work like there is a fire, he has sent me text saying he hopes to come home that he is looking forward to being a father and husband and this time it is forever. His other text were did I talk to the kids about him coming home because he would need an answer by Sunday ( today) well for about a week I just could not bring myself to talk to the kids about this because everytime I have and the kids agreed for him to come back it end with the kids and I having regret and stbx acting like it is all our fault. So Last night I told him I am not going to talk to the kids about this because I cant bare to see their hearts broken again for his broken promises to them and I feel that he is only asking to come back because he does not like the option he was given by his father that he will have to go live with his mother because his father is not paying for a hotel for him anymore. Well stbx does not want to live with his mother and his older sister lives there too. So stbx thought if he said all the things he said before that always worked for him that he would come back. Well for the first time in years I shut it down with it is not going to happen. I can't put the kids in that position and I wont. It is easy for him to ask me to talk to the kids when he is not the one seeing the look of regret on their faces when it does not work out. I also told my attorney I am not interested in therapy with him nor am I interested in parenting classes, I have been the full time parent from the day the kids were born and they are older now and require less help from mom so there is very little to teach stbx and a little to late. I guess after I told stbx I can't do it and the damage has been done a part of me wanted or hoped that he would beg or say how sorry he is or he wont stop trying .. but he did not he just said he understands and he will make this as painless as possible for the divorce and wished me luck. That kind of hurt a bit but I then knew what his intentions were and I feel good that for once I did what he would not expect me to do which is I said no. So that is a good feeling I feel like I saved myself from another do over situation with him and above all I saved the kids from being hurt again. So The divorce will continue and that I am ok with.

mazie69 01/29/2017

I am going through this right now......while after years of a very rough marriage, I want a divorce, so house has been sold, and I am moving into an apartment. My husband has been staying elsewhere for a couple months, but has now decided how awful it has been and that he is miserable and wants us to start over. I am like what??? I've also been mom and dad throughout the years, not having my emotional needs fulfilled....My kids are 22, 21, and 15, 2 moved out this past year. In the past week, I have received more texts from my husband than I ever have.....he is being much nicer now and paying more attention to the kids...I am worried that this is just temporary as he sees he is losing everything. He keeps asking if there is a chance down the road...I want to move forward and be without him for awhile, so he can feel how alone I have felt over the years. And in the future, if he changes things, I am also worried about being hurt or let down again....so I am not sure if I want another do over situation with him. I guess there is always someone else out there in a similar situation.

cleigh 01/29/2017

Kudos! I am so proud of you. You have given him so many chances, so many opportunities to become the husband and father that he should've been and he made the choice not to do the right thing. You have made a decision, you can now move forward with your life!

onedayatatimeforme 01/29/2017

Thank you cleigh as you are 100 % right I just don't want to return to starting over and regret. Mazie thank you for your reply and I am sorry you are going through a hard time but I agree with you I think your husband is only being nice and texting you so often so he can get his foot back in the door. I think of it as a kid with a new toy the kid is so happy and plays with it and enjoys it and wants nothing to do with the other toys and then the kid get bored with the toy and wants a new one . The hardest thing for me is believing my stbx and letting him come back to find I was a fool so I was faced with the hurt all over again, regret all over again and even worse I trusted he would do right by our sons and when he did not well that hurt my sons. This time there is no return my stbx will not change and will not hit rock bottom but he will one day have regret and hit a low point and that is when I will be at my high point . I would love to know he is feeling alone and he has no clue what it is like to be a mother and be a father ,.. its his loss . I wish you luck and stay strong and go with your gut feeling.

mazie69 01/29/2017

I am with you on everything you have said.....allowing him to come back to just get fooled and hurt all over again, sometimes enough is enough. And also teaching our kids that is alright to be treated bad....not good for them. I want to trust that my husband can be happy and change (that is quit drinking), but I want him to do it alone first.....not drag me along for the ride. I've given up so much over the years because of it, that it's time for him to give it up, but without me forcing him to do so. Good luck to you too, I know easier said than done, right?

onedayatatimeforme 01/29/2017

Mazie69 yes it is easier said than done, Your right your husband has to want to fight his demons and addiction on his own and with out involving you . My stbx is bipolar as for years he said he was ADHD and was on medication for it, he loved the medication because it gave him energy and he was loosing weight but it made him a mean person , He was in a in patient center that found he is Bipolar and not ADHD and they prescribed him medication that he did not take, 2 years later he was in a 2 week out patient program because his family had seen what I had over the years and they said he is Bipolar and no ADHD and they gave him medication which he took off and on and never stuck with it and still says the doctors are wrong and he shops for his ADHD medication by going back to the Doctor that gave it to him 6 years ago. So the illness is their addiction and their issue . I hope this works out for you and your husband does get the help that he needs but don't hold hope to that it can wear you down. Your smart you know just what I mean. Hang in there stand tall and be strong.

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