Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I married my high school sweetheart when I was 21 years old. I am proud to say that I was a virgin when I married him, I saved myself for marriage.
Our daughter was born when I was 22, she will be 11 years old in july.
We became pregnant for a second time when I was 25 years old but my husband slowly convinced me that we shouldn't keep it. I did it because I didn't want to cause any problems, and I think that was the point where things just started going downhill for us.
I was pregnant again for a third time, but this time our relationship had become so null and void that I never even bothered to tell him and I ended up getting rid of it.
Last year, at the age of 32, is when I found out that my husband cheated on me. He had a secret relationship with a 27 year old woman that he knew from work.
The arguments started happening, the fights started happening, the nights where we didn't sleep together were constant. I tried to make it look like we were okay, I mostly did it because it didn't want my daughter to think that something was going wrong, but the truth eventually came out.
The two of us decided to leave each other, not to get a divorce, but to give each other some space.
My daughter and I lived together, and my so-called husband lived on the road and started driving a semi truck.
December of 2022 is when I slept with another man, a guy that I knew from the gym, and a guy who knew my so-called husband.
Over these last 5 months I found myself sleeping with 7 other men. I guess I did it to feel like I had some kind of control, I guess I did it in revenge for what my husband did to me, I guess I did it for all those times that I could have had sex prior to being married. I guess I did it just because I wanted to.
And now my so-called husband contacts me. He apologizes for what he did, he deeply regrets what he did, and not only that but he tells me that he has been talking to a therapist since January and that he wants me to talk to his therapist to try to get our marriage back together.
And as of right now I haven't said anything. I'm not sure what I want to do. I haven't told him about all of the guys that I've slept with, part of me wants to tell him just to piss him off and yet part of me doesn't want to say anything because maybe we might actually make things work out.
I'll be 33 in august. A marriage that is falling apart, a daughter who is confused on why her parents are no longer talking, a husband who cheated on me, and me who just didn't care and decided on giving my body to other men.
That is my story.
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Woke up feeling very emotional and about to clock in at my place of employment. And can't place it all in writing but not been a good experience with my store manager or his boss. Defamation of my character is a concern. I've been losing appetite and weight. Trying to perform at work to keep myself from hospitalization as a result of toxic masculinity.
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This is why I don't go to family functions. I felt very unsupported when I lost my husband in 2020. And my grandmother's 9 living children and hosts of grandchildren turned against me when I was managing my grandma's end of life care as her Power of Attorney. I was the administrator of the grandfather and grandmother's estates (an extremely thankless job that took over two years of my life!) When...
I do think that this time of not living with the so called husband without divorcing has only muddied the waters. You have not really moved forward and seem kind of in a holding pattern and still unhappy. You've taken lovers but you haven't moved forward in life, not really. Your so called husband and you don't communicate it sounds like. I think you have not healed emotionally from the abortions which is very normal for women (I know about this aspect). He may regret them also. Or the one he knows about.
I'd also encourage you to start journaling every evening, pen to paper, about how you feel. List out the feeling words. If you are depressed and can't get unstuck from that depression, then consulting with a good psychiatrist for an assessment could really be helpful.
My theme is this is your time to heal yourself. If you don't heal yourself, you will continue making the same mistakes and picking immature men over and over. What goals and dreams do you have for your life outside of just being someone's wife? Do you have schooling and a good career? What do you do for fun or enjoyment, what hobbies do you have? Do you read books for pleasure or for learning? Take some time to do self introspection within your own heart.
Sometimes we start life out thinking we are following the rules and then we find out those rules are too oppressive, stifle our true selves, or don't allow us to grow and mature and become the women or men we long to be. Now is your turn.
Speaking of that, do you want him back? Or, is it just because he is "familiar" and you've known him for so long? Things you need some time to think about.
Another thing is sometimes husbands don't want an actual divorce because then he'd have to pay you spousal support and child support. Maybe even sell the house. Some guys will keep their wives around, just so they don't have to pay her any money.
Agree with the above post.... seek a therapist for yourself. Find out what you really want for your life. And if you even want him. The trust has been broken, and cheating is a very hard thing to get past.
Again, take your time. He can wait....
I agree with above posts, you don’t owe him a decision right now and you don’t need to tell him about the other men you slept with.,you have done nothing wrong and if it made you feel better at the time, please don’t question yourself too much.
His behaviour was very different. You were in a marriage and he betrayed your trust.
If you do decide you want to give the marriage another try, i’d advise seeking a therapist for yourself to work through your emotions and the past.
Seeing a new couples therapist together would also be advisable. You would be able to see if he means what he says and really has changed in himself.
Its normal that you may have had encounters with other men in the interim as you are a human being with needs. If that is something he asks you and IF you are then deciding to try again, then you may decide to tell him. Id approach the whole situation with caution as it might be that you decide to remain separated and co/parent your daughter together instead.
Have a think about what you want from your future. If you wanr another relationship, what would be your non-negotiable needs?
If you don’t go back to your husband, can you see yourself meeting someone who could provide this without the cheating? You have every chance of having this in your future. Also, what about you and other things you want from life outside of a relationship? These are all things that both journaling ( as previously suggested) and therapy could help you work out.
Either way, and whatever you decide, please dont go back to him without thinking it through and seeking counsel with people you trust and a professional.
All the best