Just ordered some high quality lo mein and fried pork dumplings. I rarely treat myself to to the expense of Japanese restaurant down the street not the cheap greasy Chinese ones. This is not a knock on any one's culture it's just there is a difference in the quality of food in different restaurants in town of course. Greasy, high sodium foods will make one feel lethargic and more depressed. I'm making some hot tea Bigelow Constant Comment (how appropriate for me) with honey. I'm supposed to avoid caffeine because of my anxiety but I also need something to get me off this couch that I've been laying on for hours. So it's tea instead of coffee. I declare that you people who are suffering do something small for yourself and treat yourself to something nice because you deserve it. We don't deserve to feel this pain or feeling and it's never going to go away until we become pro-active and take care of ourselves and love ourselves like we have probably forgotten. I know I have. I was talking to my dad and he told me I have to put myself first and I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. I've been a father since I was 23 years old and I always thought a real man who experiences true love puts himself second. Look out for number one was never in my vocabulary unless I was lobbing it verbally in my cheating wife's face. Now that I've been abandoned and it's looking like I'm going to lose custody of my kids simply because of my work schedule and inability to find a different job in the short-term there is no one to take care of me but myself I have to learn how to be an independent twenty-three-year-old man at the age of 32 because that's when my personal development had been arrested by the death of my mother the birth of my son and the establishment of my family that is now being ripped apart. So go out people and feed yourself not just food to get you through the day do something that you don't normally do that makes you feel good. I would normally do sushi but my wife actually flaunted the other man in front of me and I didn't realize it at the time because I'm an idiot or just in denial and we went out for drinks and sushi and one of my children sat on this man's lap and my wife took a selfie with the 3 of them as if theynwere the family.  I have to focus on that not grinding my guts to pieces so the association is just too recent but otherwise that why is until now my favorite food in life was tuna sushi with Wasabi and soy sauce and you squeeze out some Pickled ginger into the soy and make it a sweet/salty Ginger soy... bangn'. Smell and taste are directly related and smell in the brain is located adjacent to the memory center which is why smells bring us back and are most closely tied with memories. This experience even altered my sensory perception and association. I'm getting away from my original message which is to remind all of you to remember to love yourself I'm still learning myself what that means. I've always lived for my kids and my wife when they were happy I was happy. Absolutely emotionally ruined over this but that doesn't mean I can't reconstruct myself and we can help each other through this