Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was dumped by my ex-girlfriend (and best friend) just over 13 months ago. At first it was extremely hard as I felt completely alone and I pretty much lost all of my friends due to the way things ended and my behaviour after the break-up (I have depression and a very low self-esteem, and I said many things I regret to various people in the months after the break-up).
Anyway, I thought that it might start to get better with time but it really hasn't. 13 months on, I still sleep with a picture of her under my pillow, and a photo of us on my beside table. I wear a necklace she gave me for our anniversary at all times because (in my head) I believe that if I take it off then something bad will happen to her, I read letters she wrote to me almost every day, I check her tumblr blogs and instagram at least 10 times a day. I'm not allowed to talk to her anymore because of my various mental health issues, it is too much for her as she's moved away to a different country for university and wanted a fresh start. Nobody can understand how much I miss her and how I am unable to move on. I don't know why this is happening, but has anyone else ever been in a similar situation, or know if this will ever end?
Thank you X
Anyway, I thought that it might start to get better with time but it really hasn't. 13 months on, I still sleep with a picture of her under my pillow, and a photo of us on my beside table. I wear a necklace she gave me for our anniversary at all times because (in my head) I believe that if I take it off then something bad will happen to her, I read letters she wrote to me almost every day, I check her tumblr blogs and instagram at least 10 times a day. I'm not allowed to talk to her anymore because of my various mental health issues, it is too much for her as she's moved away to a different country for university and wanted a fresh start. Nobody can understand how much I miss her and how I am unable to move on. I don't know why this is happening, but has anyone else ever been in a similar situation, or know if this will ever end?
Thank you X
Go someplace that you used to visit with her and leave the necklace. Just drop it so it's gone forever. Refuse to log in and see any of her social media. If that means you have to delete your accounts and start over then so be it. For your own health do these things sooner rather than later.
If you aren't already in counseling it would probably be helpful to you at this point. You mentioned your depression so maybe you are already getting some support and counseling. For your own well-being it would be a good idea to let go of all that you are holding onto. Do it step by step if that helps. Pick your first poison and go from there. Whether its the stopping stalking/looking at her on social media or burning the letters or whatever....starting somewhere is better than staying in the painful place you are still in.
I hope you find the strength to do this...you CAN do this. Big hugs to you.
I know first-hand that it can be hard to stop looking in on their life. Especially someone who means/meant so much. But I have found it really can be like a scab on a wound: if you pick at it, mess with it, etc, then you are impeding proper healing. when you reopen the wounds in your mind/soul, you are not going to heal properly, you are going to prolong your inevitable pain, and you leave yourself open to harmful "infection" of negative thoughts that can make you feel sick, and the scar it leaves will be worse. we have to feel the pain to get through it properly. it is hard but does get easier. using the time you would normally check in on her, do something nice for yourself and just step away from the screens (or come here or another support site) instead of looking in on her. hugs and support to you
It is painful but the best thing for me.
I don't know how long it takes to heal. It's different for everyone. But keep standing tall and letting go when you need to. It's okay as long as you get back up again.
Justin, thank you for the idea about the necklace, thats a great idea and I think I'll do that.
I'm in counselling for various issues at the moment, but am very slowly taking small steps towards recovery, so hopefully I'll be able to begin to move on soon!
Thank you all for your advise X