Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Those of you who are familiar with my story understand the back and forth I have been through. Our divorce was final (which I didn't expect) on November 19th. He left on November 28th (the day after thanksgiving). He arrived in Alaska on December 2nd. Less than one week into his new life he is calling and sending texts about how much he has messed up and misses me and wants to come home but he is still involved with the FB fling he left me for, although he tells me she was a big mistake and he misses me and has nothing in common with her like he does with me.
After 4 years of this I know that there is no way I can be with him again, I still miss him so much and still love him. He was my best friend and confidant and the person I couldn't wait to tell about my day. I make myself get through the work day without crying, but as soon as I get in my car to drive home I cry straight through until I fall asleep.
I miss him so much and his messages mean a lot to me - to know I am still loved by the man who I love - yet I know it's not real if he is with someone else. Why is he doing this to me and why can't I stop missing, loving, and caring about how he feels about me.
Today I just wanted to drive high speed into a cement wall. I went into work 4 hours late and didn't call anyone because I was curled up into a ball, freaking out, crying and throwing things. This is not normal behavior for me. When he left this summer I was handling it so much better, but this time I feel like I'm falling apart.
After 4 years of this I know that there is no way I can be with him again, I still miss him so much and still love him. He was my best friend and confidant and the person I couldn't wait to tell about my day. I make myself get through the work day without crying, but as soon as I get in my car to drive home I cry straight through until I fall asleep.
I miss him so much and his messages mean a lot to me - to know I am still loved by the man who I love - yet I know it's not real if he is with someone else. Why is he doing this to me and why can't I stop missing, loving, and caring about how he feels about me.
Today I just wanted to drive high speed into a cement wall. I went into work 4 hours late and didn't call anyone because I was curled up into a ball, freaking out, crying and throwing things. This is not normal behavior for me. When he left this summer I was handling it so much better, but this time I feel like I'm falling apart.
I know that this can be divisive suggestion sometimes, but if you're having trouble functioning and actually making it to work, have you considered any medicinal help? While it isn't something to enter into lightly, it can be very helpful. I'm thankful that I was already taking Welbutrine when my break up occurred, and I went back to my doctor to renew a prior prescription for Xanax to take as needed. Over time I've weaned it down from .5mg a day to .25mg a day to some days not taking it at all, and when I'm at work and can't stop crying and panicking, it's been very helpful in keeping me calm. It doesn't get rid of the sad thoughts, but can help alleviate some of the physical symptoms. If you'd be more comfortable with something more natural, maybe look into L-Theanine, which you can find at a GNC or Whole Foods. It's the active ingredient in chamomile tea, and also helps to promote physical calm. That, acupuncture, and guided meditation have all worked wonders for me in the past.
I hope you feel better soon.
In order to heal, you need to cut contact. The messages only serve to prolong your pain and minimize your healing.
Sending hugs.
Sending jedi hugs your way!
http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/
Well, he didn't do any of the things he said, and he just got worse. My mental health depreciated being with him, and he was recently diagnosed with a personality disorder too. His three adult daughters are hateful to me, pretty much refused to accept me or the marriage, and I feel he chose them. He left me recently, and unlike during the "break", I'm not doing very good at all. I think because I know he wants a divorce, yet I feel HE is the one with all the issues. I was willing to accept his mean girls, his personality disorder, because I believe in "in sickness, and in health", but he just cut and ran.
How dishonorable, how heartless. He treated me like crap for three years, was constantly gaslighting me, and threatening to leave, so why do I feel bad?
I guess we just have to wait it out, because everyone says it gets better with time. My husband has been gone a month and a half. He asked for the divorce on one of our rare good days(who can have good days with his rages, and mood swings). I guess we have to stop trying to make sense of the illogical.
I know getting through the break up and dealing with the distance all the fact that he is still involved with someone else is very, very painful, so please, please, get help!
Sending you big hugs!!!
I'm guessing there's still a part of you that's holding out some hope. It's so difficult to give that hope up.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you haven't, I would encourage you to see your doctor about some anti-depressants. Getting your brain chemicals back in balance might help you deal with this better.
Hugs to you.
Reality is a tricky thing, isn't it? When you feel like everything is upside down....it all of a sudden rights itself again. The problem is, getting from "down" back to "up" takes TIME, and time feels like a slow-death killer once in a while.
So, I get where you are. I understand and can empathize with your feelings.
I hope you find the strength and courage to get back to the "right side of things".
Please be well.