I am truly sorry for the obvious pain you are in. Not really sure what to say to you except to hope for the best but expect the worst. Unfortunately the ball is in her court and (although I don't know your story) even though you may have changed, she may still be "done" with the marriage. You seem pretty resigned that it may be over with. Has she given you any indication to the contrary?

Forestfreek,

Thank you for your comments, to answer your question "it depends on the day". She filed for divorce but has just filed a dismissal, she has said she want to maybe go grab a bit to eat with our son, then a day later she says she can do it?

You asked about my story, well its simply... I became a jerk after loosing my job 4 years ago:

I have been married for 15 years; we have a 13 year old boy. My wife just a few months back had enough of my yelling and anger issue, and left, filed for divorce.

It forced me to take a long, long hard look at the man I had become. I didn't see what I was doing, her leaving knocked me in to reality...

I have learned that there is NO price greater to pay then to lose your wife. I did not see what I was doing, it took her walking out. After a lot of soul searching, anger management, and counseling I realize the man I became I did not like him and wanted to and am becoming a better man. I have such a long way to go... but I am proof that there can be light at the end of the tunnel if he is willing to act!

I wrote this to someone else on here, I will share it with you:

I lost my job 4 years ago, became pretty nasty to my wife and now at 51 I am going through a divorce, trying to explain to our 13yr old why this is happening, why Daddy was so angry and mean etc...

I feel pain and sadness and cry daily. I turned to God, don't want to be a Bible thumper :) but I promise you, there is hope, love and peace in our savoir. Give it some thought my friend... I will pray for you! "

If you would like to be friends on here or talk more I will be here... support helps!

Michael "

Anyway there is my story....

I'm sorry for your emotional pain. It's not that you won't let go, it's more that she let go of you. Sometimes we don't pick and chose whom we want to let go. I've been in your shoes. I did not decide to let go. My ex boyfriend let me go. Was it easy, no, but one thing for sure is that I did not want to love anyone who did not want to be with me.

Hugs to you.

I dont know. I am teetering back and forth between telling you to take it a bit easier on yourself and knowing your actions are probably what cemented her decision, while it wasn't probably the only reason.

I guess I am back and forth on this because given how things were going, seeing your whole demeanor change, etc. I have to put some of the responsibility on her for dealing with it in the manner she may have.

I dont know everything about your story, but one thing that is consistent, is that when someone's attitude or demeanor changes drastically, and they are acting outside of the norm, that those who are around the that care about them should not only put the behavior on notice, but should try to work through (help / support) getting you past that anger. Granted, there are some people who are just mean to the bone, you cant help them, but I think people in general, if given the support, whether they want it or not, it could make the world of difference. I feel, that when two people are together it is the responsibility of both to get each of you through the difficult times.

You were a shit, but she was just as responsible for the relationship ending by letting you be a shit for so long, then walking away. It takes two.