Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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lostgirl84 04/27/2015

I feel like a fool. I broke no contact yesterday after 26 days. He had written me a nasty response to my closure email 11 days ago and I haven't slept since.
Last night, I just couldn't take it anymore. I texted him a picture of our mutual pet. ( I know it's stupid, but I knew he would respond to
Something neutral). After, I sent it, I immediately regretted it and cried for an hour straight. Then he texted me back. Until this point, I wasn't sure if I was blocked or not.
We talked a for a bit about the cat and the I asked him how he was. He took over an hour to respond and said he was doing well, and looking for a new house to rent. At that point I asked about how that process was going to which he never responded.

I feel foolish bc his last response was so cruel. I shouldn't validate that by being nice to him but I still feel like I need to have a closure conversation about everything that happened. 4 years is a long time to just end things so abruptly with no conversation what so ever. Should I try and text him again, and ask to talk? Or wait or just let it go? I'm so scared of him being cruel again and feeling rejected all over again, not to mention the thought of him mentioning he can't talk bc of the OW.

kbbcoop77 04/27/2015

Breaking no contact sucks but is understandable, we've all done it. The best thing you can do is get back on the NC horse and start over. If he's with someone else you have to accept its over. That's your closure, nothing he will say will make you feel better. It truly sucks I know. But as time goes by it gets better. Contact just reopens the wound, it's a temp. Fix.

derby800 04/27/2015

I know how you feel.i went through it for four months after my ex dumped me. I was hoping that we could get back together. if fact she said keep in contact. then I found out that she was engaged, I felt like a fool

happymama2j 04/27/2015

Many, if not all of us, have at some point imagined what that perfect "closure" conversation would go like. But it doesn't happen that way. Don't beat yourself up, b/c we've all been there. But each time you reach out to him, you are actually increasing the risk that he will send you yet another nasty response, and it will just as hard to get over that each time it happens. So as hard as it is, and we do know how hard it is first hand, just get back on the NC. You are handing him power and control every time you reach out to him. Take back the power in your own life. Love yourself. He's making it pretty clear he doesnt want to talk, and you likely aren't going to get the response you desire. Yes it is hard, but it gets easier the longer you maintain NC. However, each time you break it, it takes you back to square one in the pain and agony department. So as hard as it is to maintain NC, it's harder to keep getting knocked down again. You can do this! Stay strong. Big hugs to you.

sja 04/27/2015

I don't have anything to add as all your responses pretty much say what I would have said. About the only thing I want to tell you is forgive yourself for breaking no contact. I think at some point in time or another, we all do it, and it is always a lesson learned. Gentle hugs.

Missy73 04/27/2015

You can't rely on someone who didn't give you what you needed in your relationship to give you the closure you desire now. He has made it abundantly clear that he's not interested in having such a discussion with you. Even if he was, it would likely be based upon revisionist history. Spare yourself the additional pain and go back to no contact. Don't feel badly about falling off the wagon. We've all been there. Just dust yourself off and try again.

Biatta 04/27/2015

Here is the book, I believe will help you a lot. :"Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy: The Art of No Contact" .Leslie Braswell
In sum, do not try to contact him, he will disrespect you for that. Many men unfortunately break up no contact, this is a reality...that hurts sooo much. I have a friend who's husband file for divorce and moved out with another women, and he did not bother to sit and talk with his wife of 20 years. They did have short conversation when he denied all his faults, and blamed her for being cold to him. In general, the guy is normal. I think man does not like all those explanations...please accept it and try to move on. It hurts,we all know...but, there is nothing to be done. What he does is out of your control.

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