Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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avefenix 08/22/2015

I left my marital home 10 days ago. I asked my husband for divorce after 13 years of being together and while I am okay with that decision, in the solitude of my new place (kids had been with him because I was working crazy hours and he had time off), I have been facing my own "demons" and it's pretty difficult. I keep blaming him of being neglectful and oblivious to my needs, but I must face the fact that it takes 2 to make it or break it and my 50% is becoming very hard to accept. I can try to justify everything I did, but truth is I greatly contributed to destroy this marriage.

I just want to say I am sorry about the way things went. He is a great father to our kids, he is a responsible man and he offered me stability. I also know he loved me as much as he could and he is in great pain, just as my kids. I am sorry I am the one who decided to pull the plug. It doesn't mean I want to go back, I am just sorry. I loved him, I thought we would grow old together. I feel maybe if I had been a better wife, he would have been a better husband to me and we would still be together, and my kids would have a family like everyone else and I would not be rolling in bed at night wondering if I will have enough money to pay bills. I am sorry things went this way and I am sorry I made so many mistakes. I am truly sorry I was so selfish and shut down, and I didn't will to give it just ONE MORE try. Again, doesn't mean I want to go back, neither has he once asked me to, I am just @#$%& sorry :(((

I wish you all the best and thanks for reading.

broken234 08/22/2015

With no affair or major betrayal it is not too late to try. If my stbx only told me one time when he left that he wanted to truly try I would be giving it my all. Now it is way beyond too late for him to change his mind. Are you sure there is no hope to correct past mistakes now that you realize you have made mistakes too?
Not trying to upset you further, just saying......

tulip76 08/22/2015

Feeling sorry doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong decision. You can feel sorry that things didn't work out the way you hoped they would. You can be mature enough to recognize your own contribution to the breakup. You can grieve the loss of your marriage and your hopes for a future as a family unit while still feeling that splitting is the right thing to do.

Personally I am sorry that any of us are going through this. Hugs.

lamarwilson 08/22/2015

Well at least you recognize your part in the failure of the relationship. That's hard for a lot of people to admit. From what I've seen most feel they need to justify everything they've done as if anyone else in their situation would of done the same. Just curious and I don't mean to pry, but I'm generally curious about what goes thru a womans mind at this stage. What do you hope to do with your life now? Just be happy on your own? Do you hope to find a better match for yourself someday? Are you optimistic about the available men at this age?

jaron 08/23/2015

AveFenix, I read your other post as well (about people asking if you've done everything), and I just wanted to chime in with the others and say you're not alone. I'm sort of in a similar situation, except I'm the husband who isn't happy in my relationship but my wife is okay with the status quo. Even though she hasn't done anything "wrong" that would make divorce an obvious decision, I'm simply unhappy. In fact, I've been the one who has struggled with emotional infidelity, and she still wants to stay with me. It's really hard to be the one who is unhappy with a relationship, especially when the reasons don't make sense to other people or you feel like a bad person for feeling that way.

But this will be better for you. Think about it: it's this or a lifetime of feeling "just okay, good enough, I guess." I know that I am not okay with "good enough, I guess." I still feel very sorry for the hurt that I'm causing along the way, but I can't let that stop me from living my life.

I hope you continue to find the strength to carry on. It sounds like you're doing what's right for you.

avefenix 08/23/2015

Lamar,
Even though I was the one asking for divorce, at the moment I could not even picture myself in another relationship and, sadly, I am not optimistic AT ALL about men at this age. I am pretty disenchanted about long lasting love, but that might be just because my marriage was not what I expected. I would love to be happy on my own, but maybe later on I would like to have someone to go out for a movie, dancing or dinner, just not at this point. One of the things I never did with my STBX that has been killing me is traveling. Finances suck right now but if I ever manage to "balance the boat" again, that's where I will be focusing. Feel free to ask any time.

Jaron, thanks. I hope you are right and I will come at peace with myself on this one day.

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