Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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I am lost

panda68
panda68
For the past seven years I have been in an abusive relationship (Finacal and emotional) and need to get out. I am at the end of my rope and have bad dreams when I can sleep. Sometimes I sleep all day, other times I cat nap. I hardly ever wake up happy and a lot of times I wish I hadn't woken up. I have no joy or passion for the things I once enjoyed. The abuse is geting worse and the abuser somehow finds ways to blame me, however, I don't buy into that anymore. I am affraid to leave and I am afraid to stay. Things got more frigtening when I had a family member, I thought I could trust, go behind my back to the abuser. I already have trust issues and did not need that on top of everything else going on. I am even afraid to come here to DS. I have stared at this site for weeks trying to find will power to do this. I am not afraid of leaving for fear of being alone, but because I am 43 next month with about a $1000 to my name, no job, a junky old truck, and personal property I can't just abandon. I need a plan to safely get out. I own the only car we have and the abuser always has it at work and we this person is home, they are up my butt 24hrs. I am trapped and made to feel as if my former hobbies, intrests and passions in life are unimportant. I am made to feel as if I should greatful to be allowed a roof over my head, food and sex. I am a soft hearted person and I have been told in the past that I wear my heart on my sleeve and atract "needy people". I belive that since I always fall pry to some situation in which I lose out in the end, but this has by far been the worst ever situation or relationship I have ever been involed with.I feel as if I have been widled down to nothing. I ahve no friends or family in this State. The relitive I have is my aunt, who I had not spoken to in 30 years, until a few months ago. (we lost touch, another story.)
Here is the kicker for you and I'm sure you'll laugh (I'm use to it anyway.) I am a MAN.
deleted_user
deleted_user
im not laughing- im not a man and i am not laughing. i am glad you came here to DS- its a great place. i am sorry for what you are going thru- it sounds very challenging. there are a lot of good people on here that have gone thru all levels of divorce/seperation/break ups and i know you will get the support you need here- at least that is my hope for you.

ideas right off hand- could you get a job somewhere? could you start school, even online, and maybe improve your job prospects?

i would also recommend contacting rainn.org - google them -- they will find you a crisis center in your area - they are international as well so it shouldnt be an issue. i am sure you could call the crisis center near you when the person who uses your car is gone all day. maybe they can help you with a plan of action. best of luck to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are on my prayer list. I have no experience with physical abusers and with those who stay, but i will pray that you find the strength to leave this abuse and move away from the toxicity of your abuser. It's a big world out there and I believe we have choices. Best wishes and hang in there.
lance139169
lance139169
I was pretty much in the same position you find yourself not, and it sucks big time. My wife's strategy was to try to harass me until I left so that she wouldn't have the guilt of being the "bad guy", and because our religion frowns on divorce.

Well I stuck it out, but she overcame her fear of the guilt and she had me removed from the house on a trumped up charge that I threatened her. You would have thought that this is where the constant picking on me would have ended, but it didn't. It just got worse because she now had a lawyer to help her find new ways to make my life miserable.

I guess what I'm saying is that if she wants to bully you she can for quite a while yet. The only way you will be able to put an end to it is to leave, and fasten your seat-belt.

Good luck my brother...
panda68
panda68
Why do they do it?
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
only the ones who do what they do, know why they do it. But even then, sometimes they don't know either.

I guess all you can do is take account of what you have, what you need to do and get a plan together to get yourself safe and healthy.

if there is a will, there's a way.
Karenhopeful
Karenhopeful
When your self esteem has been shredded to nothing, it is really difficult to believe that you can make a change in your life. There are support groups for people in abusive situations who can assist you to make a plan to get out. I know that they may be more accustomed to women's issues; however, abuse knows neither gender nor economic boundaries.

I hope you are able to break free soon.