I'm in the same situation like identical. Except she's the hot one and I'm average. I have a 9 year old in a 7 year old. I woke up and she's not even home its 2:30 in the morning well now its 3:05 by the time I'm actually posting this. I had a dream that she was leaving me and I couldn't convince her to stay and I woke up and realized my nightmare is real I'm alone in the house and my boys are sleeping. My love is gone. I've never felt more like ending it the only thing that stopped me is the second thought that I can't let my kids find my body before my wife gets home in the morning otherwise ending this pain, this Relentless agony seems so attractive. Its not a cry for help when you actually mean it. But I have to go on living I have to keep suffering and agonizing. I can't do this to my guys especially my oldest this would kill him. My youngest has non-verbal autism I don't even know what he knows or what he feels. In my current state it feels like he loves Mommy, he might ask for me occasionally but he would just go on distracting himself with his iPad and life would go on without me but my oldest is a little me. The only reason I didn't kill myself tonight is him. Not going to lie to you and say the pain gets better it's been over a month and it might as well have been last night and she revealed the affair and that she doesn't love me anymore and she's leaving me but she has no Financial way to support herself no GED no diploma and no degrees no prospects and I never cared the relationship was on unequal ground because she was my emotional backbone and she took care of me I don't care if I have to carry the family as long as I come home to my beautiful loving wife it's 3 o'clock in the morning and she's gone and I don't know where she is I can't let my kids find my body. I'm going to have my third cigarette and try to go back to bed maybe I'll wake up and feel like a normal human being again but I don't see how that's possible i have never been alone before. I Have many friends and family but I always placed her first above all other people in life, maybe that's an attachment disorder maybe she's leaving me because of my emotional instability but I promised to love her in sickness and in health forever and ever and I meant it I know there is no God, strength comes from within whether you talk to yourself or convince yourself there is an imaginary friend who has your back, no one has your back if you can't be your own best friend, then you are all alone and I am all alone. The pain will not go away until we can release ourselves from our own prisons and move on and I am utterly paralyzed. I just have to keep suffering for him I know where the exit door is and it's blocked by a beautiful 9 year old who loves me. I've been reduced to next to nothing. I've always been a very sensitive person in the sense that I am a easily emotionally affected but also that the depth of my feeling goes down so far the temperature starts to climb. When I told my wife I love her I don't think she ever really understood or had an equivalent depth of understanding to what I really meant and what I really felt now that that's taken away I don't feel like I want to live anymore. But please understand internet people there's a world of difference of feeling and doing and I'm not going to kill myself because I can't. But holy shit did I really want to tonight.

Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

I have no tears left to cry anymore

Family Guy I started out completely crushed, devastated and I would be lying if I said I didn't have the same thoughts. But my babies are my world. As crushed as I am and hurt I told myself he doesn't get to win. I can't fall apart. When he decides to come clean and leave me for his side bitch I'm going to accept it and be the mom my kids need. I'm not going to fall apart while the two of them play house with my family. In November I asked him, what happened to him why he became cold and distant. Why he stopped touching me and refused me. His response was I don't know. I told him I loved him, His response was I know. I finally got mad and asked if he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want me or our family. He said we can tell the family after the holidays and walked away. I was crushed. I wanted to melt into the floor. I cried myself to sleep like I had countless times. The Next night I when the kids were in bed I told him I needed some air and went for a run. I ran away the anger. I told myself as I ran. I cant fall apart. My babies need me. Fuck him!! I did this for a week straight. Some night I wanted to cry and walk but I just kept telling myself my kids are going to see me as the one they could depend on. Dad is clearly a liar, I don't want him to be the role model for what happens in my son's future. My daughter deserves to see that no man controls her self worth. You need to get where I am. Yes hurt, but angry. Angry enough to prepare yourself to be alone, and be strong for your boys. Since that day I've been working out almost everyday. More than I should have in the beginning be honest. Its not healthy to workout 30 something days straight but I needed the distraction. Crossfit is a great distraction you should try it. I did it to keep from crying and being angry. Workout till I'm exhausted shower and go to bed. No time to cry and feel alone while he sits in"his"room probably texting "her". Knowing my husband was planning on leaving after the holidays hurt so bad. Its now the end of January I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. Mentally I'm still so hurt. But working has become my way to heal. I'm now doing it the smart healthy way, You need to be strong for your boys. No woman is worth the pain you feel. You want them to see dad as the man they want to become. Daddy will always be their hero. Do you want your boys to shrivel up and fall apart because some woman doesn't want them. I don't know you, but I know your hurt. Please try this. Go for a run, or bike ride or something. Tell yourself your stronger than this. Clearly I'm still sad and lonely or I wouldn't be on this site. But those inital thoughts of despair are long gone.

I worked for on an ambulance. I saw suicide first hand. It might have been an end for the person who did it But a beginning of so much hurt for the family's and kids left behind. You can't fall apart. What happens if she leaves and her new boyfriend decides he didn't want your kids. You might be all they have.

I was in the garage with my husband today and asked. What is going on with us. His response im not doing this shit with you. I want angry or defensive out trying to start a fight. We are nomal all day cooking together, doing things with the kids grocery shopping then at night he he goes to his room. That's not normal. Im not your fkn roomate! But anyways.... I said nicely i just want to know where we stand. Do you love me.. he said ...annoyed "yea," are you still my husband... do you want to be my husband... annoyed he said "yea" and walked away. Like walked in the house let the garage door close in my face and walked away....

Their ALL

You do not deserve this. Have you consulted a lawyer? If he is not going to participate in the marriage why is he staying at the house? I don't get it. My Stbx kind of said the same thing but then probabaky thought otherwise since he got an apartment.

I would talk to him. Tell him EXACTLY what you told us! How his behavior makes you feel etc... I'm worried that this situation might be more than meets the eye. It seems like he may be mentally ill or going through some sort of internal symptoms. His behavior is definitely not normal or rational. Talk to him, talk to a doctor.

Hey Sadmama,
If its not a roommate you want, and you have told him so... and your gut tells you its not for you, then it is not for you.... You have to make a decision, the next move would be yours... If it stays as is.. it is condoning what he wants and what you dont want i feel.. That will destroy you, that I can guarantee you, it will cause you great sadness, anger, bitterness, and you will be causing grief to the situation also...
I agree with you as most people will, you dont deserve that for a relationship, we have value, and he is not giving you that. We all have limits... You have yours... Stick to them, whatever that may be... You will regret it if you don't.
Good luck with your decision, its tough, with two young children, maybe with an ultimatum, he will change...

You have the support of your friends here in the group... Hope you get what you are looking for..

Smile
BDA

I've absolutely expressed how I feel. He doesn't even reply. I've put on lingerie for him and he says hes tired. I've tried to cuddle him and he tenses up. If I hug him he let's me but doesn't hug back. My son recently said daddy kiss mommy goodnight he replied i did already...(he hadn't but didn't want to) my son asked again so he kissed me like a grown man would kiss his grandfather on the mouth. We went from hot and heavy sex and cuddling on the couch all day touchy couple to nothing. And its completely out of my control. I feel helpless. I told him i felt alone and liked a roomate in the past. His response was... no want me to treat you like a roomate watch me. He stopped helping me with dinners, or lunches and refused anything i ofered or tried to do. It was soo much worse. I've been trying to give him time and be patient but I'm so tired of it all

I don't know if I can bring myself to file for divorce. I would feel like I let my kids down. I like i didn't try. If I tell him to leave he will play the victim and run to his "girlfriend" saying I threw him out and ill be the one who threw away my marriage. I'm married but I feel single and alone

My heart is breaking for you Sadmama... Separation/Divorce is tough, the fear of the unknown. I miss the comfort of my partner, her touch, her smell, her smile. Our love life was like yours was. it was special.
My counsellor says go with your gut.. It usually steers you in the right direction.... If your gut is telling you that divorce is not right for you yet, maybe its not.. If he has a girlfriend, he doesnt value you like you deserve to be valued.. You're torn by the sounds of things... It sounds to me like he is taking advantage of you....
We all want the best for you... If there is anything you want to chat about, message me anytime, we are hear to listen...
Keep your head up, you are not alone, we are here to lean on in tough times.

Smile..

BDA

He's been with someone else 100%. I really hate to break it to you but I would want an honest reply