Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm new to this so here goes : I'm in my 40's and been married for 19 years, all my 3 kids are grown and out of house, recently got a camper for seasonal ( love the outdoors) going on a cruise in August ( our anniversary ) as a wife, I did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying the bills and I work a full time job. My husband decided to tell me he wasn't happy and needed to find himself ( in other words, he wants to establish a friendship with his old friend that came between our marriage several times) apparently she more important to have in his life right now then our marriage. The funny thing is, we never fought, and he had a good life. As for me, I don't have any family and no friends because he didn't believe that I should be going out without him. Now the tough days are every where I go , people keep asking me where he is because we are always together. I thought I was enough for him
Be shy about it. I was on bottom when all of
the real Bad stuff started happening. I needed
As much emotional help and support as possible.
Many times they are checked out emotionally
From you and the marriage you might not even
Really know it. Often our gut has been trying To
tell us but we did not listen or want to hear it.
We tried MC that went no where with him, he was
already In AA and me alanon. I then found my own
therapist and i Started going to www.divorcecare.org
for as long as I needed to which was multiple times.
I still Go to my therapist as needed and attend weekly
Alanon.
Keep posting on here too this is a rough journey during
The grieving and divorce process. I do no believe true
Healing starts until after the divorce and decree. Often
We are locked into a battle with stbx especially if there
Is a third party involved. That adds more layers of muck,
rejection, Hurt and pain to move thru. HUGS
Geez, all these people trying to find themselves.
How about knowing who you are and where you are before you mess with someone else's life.
(Expletive)
When they have found someone else and ready to make their
move toward a separation and divorce.
You two were facing empty Nest. My ex did not want to retire with
me onboard or did we have the Same goals and objectives anymore.
He felt he lost out on his whole life being married To me. I guess i
was a Real drag to have around. We had focused on him making
The money it was a team effort. I was the stay at home partner and
Kept all the balls in the air.
I got, "I love you BUT", then there is always "I need to find myself"- i
did not really get That one openly," I haven't been happy in a long
time" i got that one for sure.
My ex is trying to fix himself thru a new relationship thats his answer
For not working on our marriage. He had checked out and was no longer
Committed to us after 30 years. It had been bad for 12 years before the
divorce it was time for it to end anyway. He was displeased with me so
Hence i got Mr Nasty, HUGS
try not to think of everything all at once as that will overwhelm you.
I would start by searching online for special interest groups in your area. If you're living in a smaller community, check your recreation centre, library or coffee shops for info as well. You're looking for any sort of physical outting that places you in the company of new people. Meeting new people gets you talking and practicing your social skills, and offers an invaluable venue for meeting people in the know, who have been doing it for awhile, that can tip you onto things you'd otherwise miss out on.
For the homesteading, start something you've always wanted to do. Nothing huge but something you can accomplish; redecorating, re-landscaping, something that requires physical work, with a therapeutic end result. Start a regime, something that you do daily or weekly that advances you in some way, being your eating habits, savings, planning a trip; anything that you can see actual results within a period of 1 to 3 months.
Now, this business about alwaystheothergirl, I think you've been with him so long that you've forgotten just how good this girl is, and that may have something to do with giving oneself to a person for too long, without considering your needs being just as important; we all do it. You have to reboot yourself, and you have the attitude to do it, so it won't be long before you're on your way.
Now about him, it's him not you. Realize this and move one. He's the loser. You've now been given the gift of being able to place all your special energy on yourself for the rest of your life, that's a lottery in itself. This is your time and it's your life, and everything you do will become you.
Being able to afford where you are can be a challenge, especially when going into retirement. One needs to consider many options. Renting out a portion of your home, can be lucrative if you have a nice place to offer and or live in an idyllic countryside setting. A single female friend in my neighbourhood does the Airbnb thing and she makes enough money from it that it's allowed her to keep her home where she's comfortable instead of moving into a condo. It may be worth looking into.
Wishing you well.
I'm in a similar situation. My wife is leaving me because other things are more important to her. She wants to make herself happier and she's willing to leave me to do so. If you set all the arguments and details aside that's what it boils down to.
Being a spouse is a job. It sounds like you did a good job and he has quit.
Hang in there.
Personally, I believe that is wrong. I believe married people owe it to their spouse (and kids) to work on their relationship. Sadly this can't be one sided. We can't give enough, or compromise enough to keep them if they won't do the same.
Without a deep commitment people will stray.
Fill up the void he left with anything and everything positive
Nature abhors a vacuum that's why you're feeling unhappy
You just need a new routine. Anew "normal"