Hang in there. There is no easy way to deal with this you just have to go through it. You're in a good place on this site because even though were in gut wrenching pain we can get major comfort here. you're not alone and I am so so sorry honey I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I thought my world ended when my boyfriend of only 15 months and I broke up. That is nothing compared to the loss you must be feeling. I do know that it will get easier after my 18 year relationship ended before this last one. That one hurt so badly I can't even explain. I do know that the more you stop the thoughts and give yourself lots and lots of self care the easier it gets. Love yourself so much that you remember what it was like to enjoy life before you even had a relationship. I kept going back into my mind remembering when it was just me and tapped into some of those feelings as a young girl. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I was going to be ok. It worked very well. I hope this helps. It does get easier I promise though just know we are here for you while its during the rough stages. We are all helping each other here. I am sending you love and light.

Light Hugs

It never ceases to amaze me what a little extra tail on the side will make a man do.

I'm sorry your husband turned out to be so typical in the long run.

Start putting yourself FIRST. Every question you have,every decision you make, every move you make....ALWAYS check to see how it affects YOU first. If it doesn't benefit you,don't do it.

I am so sorry. This is very hard - come here frequently as it is a great place for support. This will be a roller coaster ride, so hang tight. Letting go is the hardest part after being with some one for so long - no matter how it happens. Take care.

It never ceases to amaze me what a little extra tail on the side will make a man do...
OR WOMAN. No offense but it works both ways as I'm living the same nightmare, my wife left me after 24 years for her fling. Left me and our daughter. That was 9 months ago. It was devistating 24/7 for quite awhile but now getting a little better. Just limit contact with your ex as much as humanly possible and don't get trapped in the false hope cycle as that is really painful. Be strong for your kids, my son and daughter thinks she's nuts and my son hasn't talked to her in months. She doesn't understand why lol. She completely went off the rails and I'm done trying to figure her out. Last time I talked (texted with her) I told her it's no longer a good idea we talk anymore. My kids are 26 and almost 18 so there's nothing to talk about anymore. Your ex may try to remain friendly, don't let him. Let him suffer the consequences of his choice. Good luck to you

I'm very sorry for you and your family, my wife did similar to me and I did fall apart.

Things i did wrong that added to the falling apart.

1) i kept her affair secret thinking it would protect my teens, it just drove me batty, i didn't talk to my mom& siblings, (it only protects the cheating slimeballs)

2) i couldn't eat nor sleep and hid that from my mom & siblings,,, eventually they saw me and how skinny i was. they encouraged me to go the Dr for sleeping pills and to consider anti-depressants

(i find that sleeping pills work, take them sporadically 1 a week, bad week maybe 3 nights ---- i did try anti-depressants but they made me "numb" and as the sleeping pills helped with sleep I found that i could deal with things)

3) counseling-minister-priest- who the F to talk to.
I wish i had tried talking to a lot of different disciplines right away, it would have helped to find what worked for me faster

(i live in a small town with no friends that have gone through what i went through - i really would like to find someone that can relate to me through real experience, haha that being said I am most comfortable with a local priest, i did get some help with a local minister --- I think the married and family insight helps, I did get some help from a counselor,)

SO all in all right know you are in the beginning of a nasty shitstorm, you didn't ask for it, it is not fair, you don't deserve it,
YOU can survive it and there are others here at this sight longer than I that have gone on to actually live again

Please find help, support and counsel, get a lawyer and sadly get tested for STDS

Here at Daily Strength is a forum "Divorce after twenty years"
the perspective of those in similar shoes I found/find very helpful

I think that you need to be strong for your kids BUT at you kids ages it won't hurt them to see that you are human and hurting, Counseling of some type may be good for them, my kids didn't want to talk about it with anyone, my daughter recently decided that counseling might help her and she is getting something out of it

I'll keep a good thought for you and yours

I am so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that your STBX is a cheater.

I went through the same thing; not that it makes it ok but sometimes it's good to know that cheaters are not nearly as original as they think they are. My ex and i were married 23 years when he decided he would have an affair with a coworker. When I found out and confronted him he told me "our marriage was over anyway" except I didn't get that memo either. Actually we went on a Caribbean vacation a month before he started the affair. I was so confused.

They all read from the same handbook. He's moving on and as that is, believe it or not he's doing you a favor. It's like ripping the band aid off fast. It hurts like hell at first but the pain stops quicker. Better that way than to have it pulled off slowly. If possible go no contact or as little contact as possible. Only deal with him in matters of business; seek support from friends and family and a professional if you can afford it. Eventually you will realize you're better off without someone who could cheat on you in your life.

Keep coming here. I am really sorry. He's shown you who he is-just believe him and move on.

Jedi hugs to you.
http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/

Sunrain:

Wow. Your story is so similar to mine. My husband left me out of the blue after 27 years. Same thing in that we weren't scrapping, got along well, laughed together. I felt like someone had thrown a bomb into the middle of my life.

He sat there, telling me that he had fallen in love with someone else. Apparently it had only been going on for a couple of months but this was it. I just looked at him like he had two heads. I couldn't process it. I understand your complete bewilderment.

How long ago did your husband announce this?

I am so sorry for your pain.

Im sorry that you are facing this. I can imagine what you are feeling.

You are looking for answers where the might not be any right now. Best thing for you to do is to look after yourself and focus on your kids.

Divorce Care is a brilliant course which can help you understand the process you are going through and guide you through the rollercoaster of divorce which you have just entered onto.

It amazing we all have the same stories. My husband of 18 years did the same thing to me. Came home one night.... Didn't admit to an affair, and stated he needed space and moved out. That was over 3 years ago. I found out 4 months ago, he had someone the whole time we were seperated, even though he was playing me saying we were working on things. When I came here, in August, I was a hot mess. I could barely work, didn't eat, cried every hour on the hour for weeks. But I am proof that things gets easier. I continued to get up and go to work, for my kids, and the crying started to dry up a little after a few weeks. I am still struggling, but I promise, it will get easier. You may not think so now, but it will. Keep posting in here. It helps!!

I wish my husband would've just left instead of fricking torturing me for years- just found out he's a sex addict- but preferred his hand and others to me no matter what I did or said or tried. Read the book It's called a Breakup cause its broken by greg bernhardt and his wife best thing for me
You wont see it right away but you will know one day it was a gift to get free. I have three kids from 26 to 16 and he told them he was a sex addict in the car after we got our christmas tree! Merry frickin christmas to me! Lol
You're in shock feel the feelings and let them go- don't keep hanging on trying to fugure out why or completely understand because you won't. Don't waste your time on earth wallowing in bitterness or agnst he isnt worth it! You are stronger and awesomer than you realize and he is the loser in this scenario