Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok, so I posted about how my life had been completely turned upside down. I stubbled across a website Lovesagame.com This turned me back up the right way I am feeling strong, confident, like I could do anything.... watch out world hold me back.
We have three kids, and they are my first priority, I am the second, instead of the last like I was.
So I started this 60 no contact, which when you have kids, is difficult, but I have allowed if I need to contact regarding the kids, that's fine, but no chit chat. Today I asked if he could look after one child as they were ill, he obliged, and when I came home, I basically ignored him. I even said he could take one of the other children for an hour. The dog came inside, (the dog never has since we have lived at our house) he told the dog to get out, and she lay by my feet, he got angry and said he pays the mortgage, however I work, we have other bills etc, kids etc, I see it as 50/50...... so he left with the youngest. Returned him when I said he had to be back, and saw me cooking dinner, I ignored him. He asks 'whats for tea'? I ignore, he leaves. He comes back, can you transfer me money, I need to eat I said I have, and he has British money his family had sent for bdays, xmas, etc that he has taken. He is angry, and I think its because I am back in control and he is not...... but hell its hard, I feel happy, I feel free, he made his choice, Im not going to fight it, I have to get on with my life, I am not a puppet on a string, I just need to be a little bit stronger and tell him if he has an issue to write it down and put it in the letter box..... I just don't want to rise to him........
We have three kids, and they are my first priority, I am the second, instead of the last like I was.
So I started this 60 no contact, which when you have kids, is difficult, but I have allowed if I need to contact regarding the kids, that's fine, but no chit chat. Today I asked if he could look after one child as they were ill, he obliged, and when I came home, I basically ignored him. I even said he could take one of the other children for an hour. The dog came inside, (the dog never has since we have lived at our house) he told the dog to get out, and she lay by my feet, he got angry and said he pays the mortgage, however I work, we have other bills etc, kids etc, I see it as 50/50...... so he left with the youngest. Returned him when I said he had to be back, and saw me cooking dinner, I ignored him. He asks 'whats for tea'? I ignore, he leaves. He comes back, can you transfer me money, I need to eat I said I have, and he has British money his family had sent for bdays, xmas, etc that he has taken. He is angry, and I think its because I am back in control and he is not...... but hell its hard, I feel happy, I feel free, he made his choice, Im not going to fight it, I have to get on with my life, I am not a puppet on a string, I just need to be a little bit stronger and tell him if he has an issue to write it down and put it in the letter box..... I just don't want to rise to him........
Funny about the dog..my ex wife always kept our dogs outside and kenneled them inside when it was bedtime..(2 cairn terriers)..once she left the house I tossed out the kennels and one sleeps with me and the other slept with my daughter until she unfortunately passed away so we got a shih tzu to replace her so my daughter could still sleep with a dog haha! Used to drive me nuts how she always ordered the dogs out even in cold weather and would just get irritated as hell if anyone let the poor things in, now they stay in all the time. And quite frankly I'd rather have them in the house then her haha :)
Take care
And then I read about the 180. And that was such a joy because, whadya know, I had started living the 180 on my own and without knowing what to call it or even the "guidelines."
anyway, we sorted money, he gets plenty, we get enough to survive ( yes I have the kids).
However, I am still trying to remain in control, and powerful, I believe that he knows this, and the money is the only way he can see to try and gain back control.... thing is if the bills and mortgage don't get paid, I can handle that, he never will...... I was so angry, he won't respect my no contact..... next step is sorting out arrangements for the kids.....
why is he blaming me, I am innocent here, and I have been very fair with the kids....... I just cant get my head around it.... day one of no contact starts again tomorrow..... grrrrrrrr
He was furious with me and cut off all communication with me, although we still have unfinished business to attend to.
He's a big child and I'm so glad to be rid of him. The feelings are still tender but I'm getting help from a therapist and I am discovering a lot about who I was in the relationship and why I chose not to see what was right in front of my eyes.
I'm glad to hear you are stronger! That's a good thing to read.