Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well here I go again. I feel as if I'm cursed in the love department and I blame myself for this one. My first marriage was to my high school sweetheart two years after graduating high school, while finishing up college. I had three amazing and beautiful children with him and we were married for 11 years. He was an alcoholic and all throughout the relationship he cheated on me. I was the mother who raised the kids on her own but stayed in the marriage so my kids would have their father. In the tenth year, he became violent with me and I finally left. I was devastated and took two years to get my life back together. I started dating again but I couldn't seem to find the right man for me. I took my time and if I saw red flags, I let them go. Finally I started seeing a guy whom I'd known half my life because he lived in the same town. I knew his brothers and sister better than him. His family was well known and wealthy. I admit, I was drawn to this guy because he seemed to have it together. He was in his third semester at UGA, had an amazing family, and showered me with attention. He was also good with my kids. We dated for about 8 months before he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We had a huge wedding several months later. My first sign something was a miss was on my wedding day when he was later getting there than he was supposed to and he seemed different in some way. Almost as if he were nervous but high. I wondered about it but this wedding was nerve wracking due to his mother taking charge and wanting everything perfect. I'll admit I had to take a shot or two before going down bc I was so nervous. Our lives seemed great for about a year. He was a good husband and step father. Year two is when it all started to become clear that something was very wrong. Money missing, late getting home, excuses for why he couldn't attend family events, extreme weight loss, staying up till morning every night. At first I thought he may be cheating. Slowly I realized he had a major drug problem. After a painful four months, he finally admitted to me he had been taking hydrocodones since before we married and it how now escalated to meth when he couldn't find pills on the street. I was a good wife who supported him and got him in treatment since he wanted help. Skipping ahead a year later I was locking him out of the house bc he had relapsed so many times and he had become irrational and had erratic behavior. I realized my kids didn't need to be in that environment and got out. I pulled myself out of a deep depression and bought a house for the kids and myself, vowing to concentrate on us. Years later I met a man who came to me as this unbelievably honorable man- a former Marine and a narcotics agent. He was so kind and loving, taking care of me and my kids like nothing I'd ever experienced. I told him I'd never marry again. I was not even falling in love with this man, only enjoyed his company and he mine. Over time, I began to see how dedicated he was to the kids and I. I started to fall in love again and although I was hesitant, I agreed to marry him bc I knew I'd never find a man more dedicated to family than this. It was the most wonderful time of my life. I was so happy and my kids loved him too. Five years of marriage and the only drawback was his temper. He did loose it at times when he was stressed but I could calm him down. The last year it got worse and our home got the blunt of it. Holes in wall, door frames cracked from slamming, etc. He never touched us but his temper hit an all time high which caused a lot of insecurities and confusion. I learned to live with it and made excuses for him. He always apologized and we got past it. However two weeks ago he just walked out and left me after I disagreed with the way he was disciplining our son. He disappeared for a week and when he came back he was done. He refused counseling or trying to work it out. I was floored and begged and pleaded. After two weeks he slipped up and text me a message I knew wasn't intended for me. He was having an affair and had already fallen in love with this other woman whoever she is. I am literally in hell right now. I cry and have a breakdown daily. Panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, laying in bed sleeping for days. Barely able to work(teach school) bc I feel like I want to vomit every minute of the day. I need support
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had the words to take the pain away. Please know that you are not alone. I know what it's like to miss the holding at night and having my best friend to share with. Even if he is not willing to attend counseling (my husband was not either because he was sure if we divorced and he married the OW, his life would be perfect. He has found out it was not as heavenly as he thought it would be. But when their hormones are raging and they are not doing the bills and laundry and upkeep of a home with the OW, they fantasize it would be so much better. And when they are so overwhelmed by hormones, they don't think straight. On our part, when we are so overwhelmed with emotions: sadness, fear, loneliness, hurt, we cannot think straight either. That is why even if he is not willing to go to counseling with you, I really encourage you to do it for yourself. I saw a counselor twice a week right at first. I know you do not want this to end in divorce. However, I want to make you aware of a lifeline I was told about. There is a program called DivorceCare and it's nationwide, so most likely there is one within driving distance for you. It is a support group,for people who are divorcing. It is a 13 week program, When I attended, we opened by everyone going around the room discussing where they were at in terms of their previous week, the good stuff, the challenges, etc. Then we watched a 30 minute video on a different topic each week: Fear, Loneliness, Depression, Finances, Dealing with Kids, etc. After discussing the video then we went around and if someone had something really tough coming up the next week, we shared it with each other. That program was so helpful that when I got to the end of the 13th session, I recycled through four times, because it helped so much. There were weeks when I literally got through them by reminding myself, "If I can just get to Wednesday, I'll get to tell the group," It helped sooo much. I am concerned with your depression and suicidal thoughts. I really encourage you to make an appointment to see your doctor. I went to my doctor and got a prescription for Celexa for my depression. It really helped. Just know you are not alone. Hugs to you.