It was always in our plans to have children, 3 years ago she had the misfortune to have cancer which required her to have a hysterectomy which meant we could not have children, she was closed to adoption. With all of this and my love for her I was willing to look past never having children as long as she was in my life. To make matters worse her brother sustained a stroke who is on life support and in a coma. I feel horrible not being there to hold and support her, not being there to support her family. We have not spoken in regards to our situation but she has gone to tell all her friends. I am so consumed by hurt, confusion and lonliness that I do not know which end is up. I find myself crying myself to sleep, unable to focus on anything but thinking of what the hell had happened. I truly don't know how to move forward, I don't know what to do next. All I want in my life is my wife who has now seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. I truly hope you can help me see some perspective

I am very sorry you are going through this. I caught my wife of 18 years cheating on me a month ago. It is a daily struggle to hold back the tears and I have not slept more than a few consecutive hours since then, but everyday gets a little better. It will get better for you too!

I am so sorry for your pain and struggle....My wife did the same after 19 years
2 years later I still struggle every day....but am so much better

I have a psychotherapist
taken divorce and separation courses
take sleeping pills every night

Have amazing friends

You are about to begin the long journey of grieving ....please read about it

It will hurt for a long time....but eventually each day will become a little easier

Be gentle with yourself......You have a serious injury and need to treat yourself accordingly

Hang in there....But get help

Day by day, hour by hour I feel I am losing this fight. I still cry myself to sleep and cannot focus. I cannot understand how after all this time it is so easy to walk away.

The pain that I feel has consumed me to the point I just want it to end but I am not a selfish person to do that. When our vows were spoken they meant to world to me which is why I don't understand how easy it is for her to hurt me.

I am trying to be fair to myself, give myself time to grieve, started a journal but I am finding going through this process the hardest. Our friends who said they would not choose sides seems they have. Being told I have to let her go, she is going through a hard time, she needs to come to terms makes me feel even worse but yet I am not the one who walked away.

Everyday life right now is a challenge, I am truly lost and feeling empty, things that brought joy to me are things I do not care about...

This is going to be a very hard time for you. You are suffering from emotional trauma. You were blindsided by someone you trusted. What you are feeling is very normal. Most of us here have been through it. I'm still not sure sometimes how I made it this far. What did I do to survive. Started counseling, talking to friends/pastors, medicine, and no contact with her. No contact has been the best thing and I suggest you do the same. If she contacts you, consider if you even need to respond. If not, then don't. She left and you shouldn't be her friend because it only makes her feel good. It will destroy you. She's already detached from you and you will probably never know why. Focus on you for now. You can get through this. I'm sorry for your pain and heartbreak!

I'm really sorry you're having to go thru this. I know how you feel, my wife who I spent 14 years with hooked up with a married man and caught herpes. Being blindsided like this hurts like hell. I know it isn't going to help right now, but consider not having kids a blessing in disguise. It hurts to have your heart ripped out, it hurts even more to not be able to see your kid everyday any longer. My wife had a partial hysterectomy when my son was born, and looking back she was never the same afterwards. This is not the person I fell in love with 14 years ago, that person doesn't exist anymore. I really think something chemically changed in her brain.

You're not alone. It helps to write your feelings down. The first week was the worst, but I still suffer everyday. It does get better every week though. Right now I'm trying to focus strictly on my future. Hang in there.

My wife did the same shit after 24 years together and hooked up with a mutual acquaintance, like immediately so obviously cheating has been going on. Sorry to say this is usually the case..they set their sights on someone else and detach from you. She's had months if not years to think about it which is usually the case. Since there are no children this will help you heal although I know it's hard to believe now. But it's early and things do get better my wife left 18 months ago and it's taken probably close to a year to feel half assed normal. Hang in there, stay physically active and try to stay busy really helps.

I'm sorry for your pain. You are in the right place. You'll see here that you are not going through this alone, and you'll find support as you traverse this agonizing journey.

Different people are in different places on their journey, and you can benefit by reading their journals and seeing how they progressed, as well as by their experienced posts.

Personally, my wife of 12 years left me. She had established a strong emotional attachment to an old high-school friend that she reconnected with. I tried to reconcile and though we made progress and became intimate again, twice more she ended it. The last time, she was actively dating the same week we were together.

So our experiences of the shock, pain and broken pieces will have many similarities, though each of our journeys is unique.

I can say I could barely function with the initial betrayal. That lasted about six months. My situation is different in terms of the repeated attempts at reconciliation. Each failed attempt set me back almost to ground zero. However, once I went "No Contact" (NC) except around the kids, I gradually began to recover and heal.

Others have commented on your benefiting from not having children. It does make it much easier to maintain no contact when you are ready to take that step.

So, you will see that we all do recover and heal from the pain, though it takes along time, and there are often setbacks, that's normal. Overall though, you'll see a pattern of forward progress emerge in all these journeys.

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. We are here for you.

THANK YOU ALL! Thank you for the support and the comments, thank you for sharing your situations. It brings me comfort to know that this is an environment of individuals who have experienced this heartache and understand what each of us are going through.

The battles continue and for me right now it is the simple things that are the hardest. Making dinner and sitting alone to eat, no one to share the embrace of a loving hug or kiss, to hear a simple "I love you"

I know this takes time and life does go one but having the push from this group helps, for this I want to say THANK YOU! A hug goes out to all of you.

Start building your support structure. You've joined this forum, and that's a good first start. I'd highly encourage you to seek out a counselor, especially with the pain you are expressing. Join a support group.

I'm listening to a podcast called "Surviving Divorce" which is also very helpful.

Add trusted friends and relatives to your support structure. Talk to them, a lot, about what your feeling. Leave messages on this forum about what you are feeling. Don't let it bottle up. Start writing a journal.

Some people will give you advice. Some people will just listen. Both help. Sometimes you will want the advice. Sometimes, you will just want them to listen.

If your like me, your mind hurts right now. There's so many thoughts buzzing around. What did I do wrong? How could she do this to me? How can I fix this? What will the future be like?

The more I talk things out, the more I make revelations into my life and my relationship. I start to understand more what's going on. I start to accept things.

And, honestly, I'm at the point where I'm sick of talking about things. I'm ready to start moving forward.

It is not easy... I am lonely and tired of missing what once was....The good news is that it does get easier. I have weeks recently in which I haven't cried once.....This week hasn't been one of my good weeks but I have trust that God has a plan for me and that he is going to use this journey that I am on to teach me, mold me and prepare me for the great things he has in store for me. We just need to remember that God has great plans for those that love Him. I will be praying for you.

My husband did this to me less then 3 weeks ago , it blindsighted me , and pain sounds easy compared to what I was feeling the first two weeks, I wondered how I would survive mentally among other things, I am still hurting but I am better then I was . Still sad, and still in shock I think but trying to move ahead . All I try to remember is one step at a time and live in the moment not the future or the past , and I know that is much easier said then done. I struggle everyday to live in the now , and somehow I am still here working through the grief everyday. But because I'm no longer curled up on the floor everyday, im sure I've made some kind of progress.. And if I can , you can! This is a major soul crushing event , it won't take a week to heal , it may take a long while , but you have to put one foot in front of the other and put yourself as the priority. Take care of yourself . You need the strength.

Well, it's been a while and where do I begin...

I was making strides and accepting that my marriage is over, I have slowly come to terms that I must move on and not devote energy and tears into someone who does not feel the same.

Just recently another bombshell was dropped that has put me back into the same emotional state I was in a few weeks ago.

I live in an area with wonderful neighbours and friends, people within in the same age group, young kids I have seen grow up and enjoy the bbq's, quick beer with the guys or sitting on the deck enjoying a good cigar and great conversation.

Now I am told that she's wants the house sold and wants half of the proceeds. She tells me this is not an easy time for her as she is homeless and needs the money to move forward, why does she put the guilt on me when she is the one that broke us up and moved out. Now with this I am unable to afford the home and have to sell and find a new place to live.

Everytime I feel I have made a step forward she puts me back three steps. I asked if she misses our relationship, misses our companionship and she gave me...NO.

How does one get past this, I have fallen into the dark hole once again and now not just because of my failed marriage but now losing my home...

My husband of 16 years decided to do drugs and screw women at work and then left. This occurred after my oldest son died in a car accident. I was devastated and it took me 3 years to get to a point where I did not hate him. I remarried, after 8 years, he left, just waked out. I gave him everything. It has been over a year and I know I am happier and better off without him and his negativity, but it still hurts inside. I finally came to a place I no longer feel I need a man in my life. I focus completely on me. I wish I would of married a man like you, one who believed in his vows and was there through thick and thin. All I ever wanted was to be married once and be together until death. Why does it seem like two people that have good morals and believe in marriage, never seem to marry each other? Good luck. Feel free to message me if you need to talk...

Maybe the hysterectomy messed with her head, maybe she was always a pretender, regardless, now she doesn't want to be your friend...
Get a lawyer, get your shit together and be prepared for the possibility that she has A gentleman caller