Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
2 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

How to Talk to the Children?

Lily61
Lily61
When your marriage was ending, did any of you have concerns that it was negatively affecting your relationship with your children (e.g. they blame you for not keeping the family together). How did you handle this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
With honesty, openest, and love. Just because your marriage is ending doesn't mean their lives are.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
The truth said in the most loving way. That it is not their fault. That the love for them will never end, never change. The first talk is hard. I didn;t think much, just opened my hert to my son. After tears and questions. he actually told me: "Mom, I will never separate from you."
deleted_user
deleted_user
I will tell you that it was a relief to know that I could finally stop hoping my ex would be different and finally be free of a relationship that was so much like a deep dark damp basement. At the same time the guilt that I had regarding my children who wer 9 and 5 at the time, in relation to what I was a part of was nearly paralyzing.

It took a long time for me to let go of that guilt...and to allow myself to say out loud that I needed them as much as they needed me. I have called them on the phone every night in the nearly three years I have been out of the house. I have been close to them, involved in their lives and have acitivly pursued my role as father...I gave up everything I had as hobbies so I could focus on them. Now I don't have any money for hobbies anyway, lolol.

That is what has made all the difference. They know where to find me and they know how constant my love for them is. if you and your stbx show theme the same love caring and invlovement, they will see that divorce doesn't mean the dissolution of the family at all. Quite the contrary, they can see parents who do much better at parenting and at being happy in their new lives.

It takes a while, but I am living proof that if you play the role you were meant to play by choosing to be a prent to the best of your ability, everyone will do just fine, with some brief yet fleeting glimpses of "what could have been" in between.

Blessings to you.