We just broke up 3 weeks ago and I just don't know how to move on. My heart and my brain are on two different levels. We were best friends and did everything together. Once his son (20) moved in, $ started disappearing from different places and we knew he was smoking marijuana. He was the cool weekend Dad and once his ex died (2 years ago), the guilt has become greater on him and he cannot set ground rules on his son (no drugs, chores, job, college, etc.). Once $ went missing from my daughters (14) room I told my boyfriend I could not handle this anymore (we had even put a key lock on our bedroom door). What I meant was.... I felt I was having to deal with this on my own and he needed to step up. Two days later I find out he is asking an old friend (female) if she has a room for rent. My worst fear is being left (was previously married 16 years as a home mom and he left for another woman / internet addiction). I packed his bags and told him he was not staying here until he found another woman.

The next week, we had talked on the phone a few times and met in person. I love him and I want this to work and being apart is killing me, but at same time I know we need to work out issues before we thought to get back together. He says he loves me but needs time first to decide if he wants to work on the issues. My hurt is aching that he doesn't know if I am worth working for.

I have been reading articles online to try to help me get through this. For two weeks I totally dodged the words "no contact" because I felt we would get further apart. Two days ago I finally took his # off my phone after he cancelled a date (had to go to work but that was cancelled by work and the he needed to clean). I was irritated that cleaning came 1st than working on our relationship (did not say out loud) and I let him know I had to stop waiting on his calls and in future, if he wanted to meet up with me, he needed to set a definite day/time. He was mad at this and said then he wouldn't see me at all over the weekend since he would not make definite because he had things to do. I felt like I was being punished for standing up for myself and it was not an unreasonable request and I did not mean it as a threat towards him.

I have ordered Christian Help Books about setting boundaries for myself (to work on me). I know I am a people pleaser and I know I have always put myself on the back seat for others. My brain tells me that he is not responsible with money, kids, stressful situations, but my hearts tells me we get along well and we are good for each other. I miss him so much, but then I see that I hold my feelings in and I want to be me and there are things I want from him that I never talk about because I don't want to rock the boat after he's had a hard day.

How do I keep my heart and brain from going two different directions? Is it right that I wait for him to decide if we are worth hatching out issues to see if we should get back together?

I see my insecurities, but I don't know how to overcome.
I try to get out and keep busy with friends, but they have busy lives and a family to take care of. I even went to a movie by myself one day just to see that I could do it but was not all that much fun without someone to talk about it with afterwards. My kids have busy lives and I do not want them to feel that have to take care of mom by bombarding them. But at same time I don't want to be a hermit.

It takes time, yes, but I don't know what to do right now.
Praying helps and I have come closer to God with all of this but I am still so confused. I need to learn to stand up for myself and to respect myself and set limits, but I am so scared. I have spent a lifetime of putting people before myself and it is hard to change. I know that I have faults but I am a good person overall. I know he has faults and changes to make and I can see his side of things also which makes it even harder.

What should I do right now? How do I continue? How do I think with both my brain and my heart? He's a mess in many ways but I love him anyway. Is it wrong to hope we can both change for the best? I know just respecting myself would probably help us both. Does everything I type just make me sound like an idiot when people can read what I am typing without the emotion? I just want the pain and insecurities to go away.